People who are always complaining: Mental garbage people
Mental garbage people dump their mental dregs on you. It's like a garbage truck.
You're standing on the street somewhere. The garbage truck approaches, it backs up toward you. You remain standing. It stops. You remain standing. That bin goes up. You remain standing. And then wham, all the garbage lands on you. It's in your clothes and on your skin, so you take a shower, but it doesn't help
This is a shame because it would not have been necessary.
A step aside would have prevented all of this. You didn't have to do that much to avoid it, but you have to do something.
But now with people. They come walking toward you; you know them, and you stand there. They stop in front of you. You stand there. Their mouths open, and out comes the mental complaining, whining, and whimpering. They’ve let it go, but you take it home with you. Their mental garbage is inside you.
Mental garbage people who complain, whine, nag and squeal. You know them, yet you stand your ground.
Tips for being less bothered by people who are always complaining
It's very interesting because what can you do? You can mentally step aside or literally walk away. Only you have courtesies, so literally walking away is not something you can do quickly. Co-workers, neighbors or family who unfortunately are mental garbage people, it's hard to walk away from that.
So just take a mental step back. You can dissociate. Let it go; let their nonsense crash right past you. Then it won’t affect you at all.
People sometimes ask how you deal with negative people, well:
Tip #1: Don't deal with it.
This is sometimes easier said than done.
Tip #2: Almost don't deal with it.
Anyway, because what you deal with you get infected with. So as little as possible, because you can't escape it at times.
Is it structural? Then you have to ask yourself a number of things, such as do I want to be among those people? Am I not a mental garbage collector myself? This may be a little harsh, but what you deal with, you get infected with and then you can become like that yourself. Then it is helpful to deal with other people.
If this doesn't work, then you need to step up mentally.
You can literally let it pass. Someone tells you something and you hum and nod a little. Just pretend you're listening, but you don't hear anything. People generally don't like this, but people who run around bitching for the sake of bitching are often long happy to have someone to bitch to. If you hum then, they should take that for granted as well.
You can also reframe things all the time—people find that annoying too, and then they’ll naturally start avoiding you. When people complain about the weather, you should say that you actually like it or point out the positive aspects.
Tip 3: Excuse and leave
The third strategy is to run away with some excuse. You have to go to the bathroom, you have an appointment, doesn't matter what.
You can do this. It helped me to positively reframe all the time and then they started avoiding me. I found this wonderfully peaceful. I don't feel like complaining because time can only be spent once, then it's gone. If you spend it on whining it is an awful waste, because you could have spent it on fun things.
Sometimes, of course, you have problems of your own. Then, of course, you want to be able to complain about that, but I really try to minimize this. It gives you very little, so why do it?
What can it do for you? Attention, connection, or something else? If you don’t do it, will you still get that attention and connection? I have a hard time with that—when people try to get it that way. So I’m going to reframe it positively.
Or you're somewhere and it's lame to reframe because you're on a visit or something. Then hmming and chuckling along is more convenient. This is then to protect yourself from even more whining. I am only very sporadically in such places.
Jim Rohn is a motivational speaker who said, "If you don't like where you are right now, change it. You're not a tree." Freely translated: If you don't like where you are right now, change it. You're not a tree.
Be sure to listen to this podcast as well:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/1344322-mentale-vuilnismensen
Why does someone become a complainer?
As mentioned, you might wonder why someone becomes such a “mental trash collector.” Chances are they grew up with people who are always complaining, so that’s what they do too. After all, children often mimic their parents’ behavior.
Or perhaps they’ve realized that complaining or claiming to be a victim of something gets you attention. We’re social beings, and attention is something we need. There are several ways to get attention. Namely, by being pitiful, because then you’ll elicit sympathy. Or, conversely, by being good at something. A good storyteller—someone who’s skilled at something and can explain it well. Of course, the latter takes more effort than playing the victim, because it requires developing a skill.
This is fascinating, and it brings us to the third reason why people can turn into complainers—or why people can be annoying. They are afraid. Chronic anxiety can cause people to start micromanaging, complaining, worrying excessively, and nagging. This often leads people with chronic anxiety to develop a strained relationship with those around them[1].
Do you have mental garbage in your life that is because of attention or habit? If so, the tips above can help you gain the understanding that this is actually causing less attention in the long run.
How do you know if you are a complainer yourself?
You can also check for yourself whether you are a complainer or not. Then take a moment to check if these statements are true for you or not.
- I like to be in control.
- If I want something done, I want it done as quickly as possible.
- I expect other people to help me.
- I'm not complaining, I'm just being realistic.
- Annoyed is how I react to most things.
- I’m a perfectionist.
Recognizable? Then chances are you're a complainer.
How do you help a complainant?
You can avoid mental garbage people, but if they actually ask you for help (or you now think you need help yourself) there are fortunately ways to help them stop complaining.
Hypnotherapy, for example, is one such method. As a hypnotherapist, you often start by exploring your client’s beliefs. You can do this during an initial consultation, or you can have a conversation while your client is already under hypnosis. It may then become clear, for example, that complaining is a way to get attention or to feel more in control.
With regression, you can check where the feeling came from that complaining has become the best way to get attention. Is this something you can check with regression? Regression is a hypnosis technique that helps people realize when they were first "bothered" by a particular belief. Often these are moments in early childhood. You may have seen how your complaining mother always got attention anyway or something similar. It's different for everyone.
Then you can help the person interpret this moment differently, making the belief that complaining makes for good attention - which is just really not always the case - go away.
Making fun of the belief together
In addition, you can ask why someone complains or whines so much, especially if it's your family. If that person is very honest, an answer like, "I'm afraid I won't get attention otherwise." might come out. Then you can suggest ridiculing that belief.
For example, you start repeating the following sentence together in the craziest ways possible: "I'm afraid I won't get attention otherwise." For example, while jumping around or something. Make it as fun, funny and ridiculous as possible.
You will learn to apply these two techniques, among others, in the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands training program.
Are you curious about hypnosis? Then take a free webinar on hypnosis. In the webinar, Edwin Selij explains exactly how to do hypnosis. You can sign up for the next session here.
Would you like to learn and see more than just hypnosis? During a seminar, I also demonstrate the techniques mentioned above. So come check out a seminar.
Are you a coach, psychologist or even a psychiatrist or want to be one? If so, hypnosis can be a great addition to techniques you can use to help people. Register for one of our training courses.
Also pin this handy infographic as a reminder:
[1] https://digitalcommons.odu.edu/chs_books/28/