Being independent begins in your subconscious

Listening. Most of the people you see walking around you are not free people. They are biological robots. They respond to stimuli, they follow the herd, and they obediently wait for permission from their partner, their boss or the government before they dare to fart. They call themselves "independent" because they have their own bank account, but mentally they are on a chain shorter than that of an average poodle.

If you’re reading this, you probably want more. More control, more peace of mind, more power. But being independent isn’t something you “are” simply by living on your own. It’s a neurological state of being. It’s the refusal to let your happiness depend on factors outside of yourself.

Let's dive deep down the rabbit hole and see why that independence is the only path to a life that is actually worth living.

1. The psychology of autonomy

Many people think that being independent means you don't need anyone. That's nonsense. We are social animals. But there is a crucial difference between connection and dependence.

Research shows that autonomy, the feeling of being in control of your actions, is a universal human need. It doesn't matter if you live in Amsterdam or in a village in Asia. If you feel like you are being lived with, you will mentally break down. Experiencing autonomy is directly linked to your psychological health, no matter what culture you live in[1].

When you’re independent, you’re the director of your own movie. Most people, however, are merely extras in someone else’s movie—and they even complain about the script they don’t dare to rewrite themselves.

2. Independence in your personal life

In your personal life, dependence is the biggest killer of happiness and passion. I see it all the time: people who let their partner’s mood dictate their own emotional state. If their partner is grumpy, so are they. If their partner doesn’t offer validation, they feel worthless.

That's not love. That's hostage-taking.

True independence in relationships means that you are happy with yourself, and that the other person is a complement, not an infill. Once you stop begging for attention and approval, you paradoxically become much more attractive. Why? Because independent people have their own center. They stand firm.

According to self-determination theory, this form of psychological independence is essential to your well-being. You must act based on your own values, not out of fear of being abandoned. When you’re independent, you choose your relationship anew every day, rather than staying in it because you think you’re nothing without the other person.

3. Independent at work

Let's face it: most jobs are designed to keep you dependent. You get a salary, instructions and an annual performance review where someone else tells you how you're doing. Many people lose their "drive" as a result.

But the top performers—the people who truly make an impact—are those who operate independently within a company. They don’t wait for orders. They see what needs to be done and they do it. This is what we call psychological ownership.

People who experience autonomy are more motivated, set goals for themselves faster, which in turn is good for outcomes[2]. Autonomy is the fuel for innovation. If you constantly have to account for every minute you spend in your job, your creativity is simply killed. Independence at work means having the freedom to use your own expertise. That provides satisfaction that no paycheck can compensate for.

4. Being independent and your health

Now it gets interesting for the nerds among us (and I say that with love). What happens in your brain when you make independent choices?

When you feel in control, your brain fires in a very different way than when you do something "because you have to. Neural mechanisms involved in decision-making and autonomy directly affect how we process rewards and how motivated we stay.

Simply put: when you do something of your own free will (independence), your brain produces more dopamine. You have more energy. You’re healthier. People who feel powerless—the opposite of independent—have higher cortisol levels (the stress hormone), which wreaks havoc on their immune system. So independence is literally a cure for illness.

5. Hypnosis and being independent

“But Edwin,” I hear you thinking, “I do want to be independent, but I often still feel held back by what others think.”

And that's where the magic (or rather, the biology) of hypnosis comes in. You see, those blockages are not in your conscious thinking. If you think rationally, you know perfectly well that you don't need that approval from your mother-in-law. But your feelings say otherwise. That feeling is driven by your subconscious, your internal "operating system.

Hypnosis is the fastest way to reprogram that system. In science, we then often talk about the "Sense of Agency," the fundamental feeling that you are the enabler of your own actions and thoughts.

How hypnosis works for independence

Many people think that hypnosis means losing control. The opposite is true. In a therapeutic setting, hypnosis actually helps you regain control over old, automatic patterns. It restores your sense of control.

Research on the "Sense of Agency" within hypnosis shows how our brain distinguishes between actions that "happen to us" and those that we "self-generate."[3]

By using hypnosis, we can break deeply ingrained patterns of dependency and passivity. We install a new software update, so to speak, where "Self Confidence" and "Self Direction" become the default settings.

The key is to replace the suggestions you’ve accepted from others throughout your life (“You’re not good enough,” “Fit in,” “Just act normal”) with your own truth. Hypnosis gives you the key to the control room of your own mind, allowing you to experience a deep inner independence, which in turn benefits your well-being[4].

6. Independence is worth the price

Let's not pretend it's all roses. Independence comes at a price. When you stop following the herd, the sheep start bleating. People around you may find it irritating that they can no longer control you with a little guilt or manipulation.

You will receive criticism. You will sometimes stand alone.

But the reward? That’s priceless. It’s the peace of mind you feel when you’re lying in bed at night. It’s knowing that your success (and your failures!) are yours alone, and no one else’s. It’s the huge boost in your motivation, because you’re working on your dream, not your boss’s.

Become the captain of your own ship

Independence is not a destination; it is a daily practice. It starts with the decision that you stop seeking external validation. You don't need permission to live your own life.

• Private: Draw your own plan and don't let your happiness be held hostage to someone else's emotions.
• Work: Take charge, be the expert and claim the autonomy you need to flame.
• Health: Realize that self-determination literally makes you healthier and more energetic.
• Mind: Use tools like hypnosis to eradicate the deep roots of dependency in your subconscious.

Stop waiting for the right time or for the world's approval. The world is never going to give that approval if you don't first give yourself the approval to be free.

So, what are you going to do today that you were actually waiting for permission to do? Just do it. Be that independent asshole or stubborn woman. The world needs more people who are awake and at the wheel themselves.

Are you still stuck in your old patterns and really want to activate that Sense of Agency?

Join our free masterclass on hypnosis to get started.

Or sign up right away for one of our events and training programs.

You can take the training live in Assendelft, or live online. You then join the classes live in Assendelft via your laptop via a nice video link.

If people in Assendelft are going to practice with each other, you are going to practice right with the other people who are also taking the training online.

Great right?

Do you have any questions about the training program? Schedule a one-on-one consultation here.

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