You really will never get as good as me. Should that be your ideal then it ends here....
What is a liberating idea for you? Perhaps a liberating idea for you is to realize that you really will never be as good as I am. Really never.
I know some trainees read these texts. Who think:
'Ah, that Edwin. He's doing really well, man. I want to become as successful as him, too. In the same way... With clients and how he trains, and how he builds a business. How he builds a nice team. I want to become as good as him, too!
Well, then I can tell you right now: That's not going to happen. Unfortunately! You won't succeed... I would have liked to tell you something more cheerful. Or motivation, inspiration, but those are already not things you can grab hold of so you have to do that yourself anyway.
I think this is very inspiring for you. You will never be as good as me.
Alas!
Yes, I could sugarcoat it all, and tell you that it can be done, and you will become as good as me, but that's just not true. Then I would be lying, and I don't want to do that to you either! That you're living a lie by thinking you're going to be as good as me. So then you better know that right away.
I sometimes say things like this in training as well , and the reaction that follows is interesting. Because then you see people who say, "Well, I do become as good as you! Those go into battle. Or 'No, that's right I'm getting better than you!' I then say, 'Yes, that's not possible either, unfortunately.' And then they're totally disappointed, a little confused, some even a little angry, and others think let him bullshit, he's got another cock-and-bull story... As soon as the atmosphere starts to get a little weird I say:
'Yes, it actually makes perfect sense if you think about it, because I'm never going to be as good as you either!'
My qualities
What I master well is provocative therapy and coaching. I can do that very well. I can also be very humorous in a session. I can move people to a certain point by pushing them quite a bit, but always in a cabaretesque way. I can do that very well. Those are my qualities, so to speak. There's my individuality in that. That's how I give trainings and sessions. I get away with a lot of things because I'm quite a nice guy in many people's eyes. That's a quality I possess. You could hide that under being empathetic.
All those qualities are in a package and we call it "Edwin," and it has all kinds of qualities. The package you are, may also have the same qualities, or in part. Maybe you are also very humorous or you also have the same qualities that I just listed, only you do it in a different way. You perform it in a different way. You make different jokes. No two comedians are the same, for example. You could say, "They have the qualities to make a group of people laugh," but they do it in their own way. They are not copies of each other. They have different qualities and they live them to the fullest on that stage. And that is SO important!
I can never be as good as you are. The qualities you possess, maybe the intuitive ability or empathic ability, the energetic ability, the loving, the gentle, maybe that piece of humor that you possess and I do not. Or the clumsy, bumbling, which can also be a strength. Stuttering, your accent, you can use everything as an advantage. As individuality.
Structure
For me, for example, it is important for a trainee to learn the structure of hypnosis. You have to know how the structure works, you have to learn how to sit with it, all the basic qualities, don't make assumptions, learn the phrases by heart. How do you make connection. How do you guide that person? How do you put him or her at ease? The structure of hypnosis.
These structures work. Next, you start copying. Then it's not quite yours yet. Until the point comes that at some point you rise above the structure. That may take a while, we don't necessarily see it happening in training yet, but it also depends a bit on how many sessions people do.
And then all of a sudden you do see it happen and sometimes some structural flaws creep in.
When people see me doing a session in my own habitat - conversational is my favorite way - they see it happening and they don't know the structure. Then they think I'm just doing something. 'Who is just doing something.
Yet suddenly things have changed. The people who understand the structure don't think so. They see that I perform the same steps all the time, in my own way. They think, 'Wow he is exactly in the structure but if you didn't know it he would think you are just doing something.'
And then you've transcended. I like that. That I look at a person and think wow, that's genius. That's a genius therapist. But I see the structure in it and that's why it works. It works because of the structure. But the coach or therapist is so genius because he is so individual in that. We can all do that structure, but very few people have transcended that. Who do their own thing.
You can see their individuality.
There are already plenty of copies
I find that a very liberating idea. There are already plenty of copies. And that's also good that there are copies, don't get me wrong. A lot of people say "There are already copies enough, you don't have to be a copy. On the contrary, I think it would be very useful for some people to be a copy.
I'd quite like to be a copy of, say, Buddha or Jesus. Or a copy of Confucius or Shakespeare, or you name it! Your heroes or people you think "Wow...
It is not bad at all to create copies, as long as they are copies whose quality is very high! This is why I still don't understand people saying "There are already enough copies, you shouldn't be a copy. Well, there are too few of them. Of the right copies.
For example, there are people who have been in successful relationships for 50 years, passionate, loving. Imagine everyone would copy that in their own relationship? Yes, then there are lots of copies of something that works well. So a copy is nothing wrong. If only more people would copy instead of trying to invent everything themselves. If only they would use a good mold. Until that structure is all their own, and then transcend it. And that is very liberating. Copying is a good thing to do.
I also copy from a lot of people. If I think 'Ah, that one's doing it really smart.' Then you start copying strategies. If I'm going to build a business, for example, I can go and invent it all myself, but there are people who have already done that. So then I'm going to copy the people who can do that skill very well. And once you understand that skill then you have to see how can I make this my own and transcend it.
I also find that a liberating idea. That people say 'Yes, you need to find your own uniqueness.' I think, yes first find something that works well. And once you understand that, and that mastered what works well. Then you can transcend it,
I find it liberating that I don't have to figure everything out myself. And that I'm not stuck with what I have to come up with myself.
You might find that liberating, too.
Ciao!
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