Perfectionism: Letting go to stay healthy

Perfectionism, you would think there is nothing wrong with it, but at a certain level of perfectionism, it can lead to burnout symptoms and even anorexia. So perfectionism seems very nice, but it can be harmful to you from a certain level. In this blog I will discuss perfectionism, what you can tell when you are a perfectionist, when it becomes a problem and what problems it can cause

Perfectionism, what is it?

If you "suffer" from perfectionism, you want everything you do to be perfect. Your house is perfectly clean. Your work must not have a flaw. You have a healthy body. You lead a well-structured life. At least that's your goal.

The problem this can cause is that you keep doubting what you’re doing. Is it really good enough? This can even lead to procrastination.

Still, it can also have positive outcomes; some perfectionists are outstanding elite athletes precisely because they approach everything with meticulous precision—even their moments of rest. Research has been conducted on people with perfectionist tendencies who also suffer from depression or anorexia, as well as on elite athletes. This research clearly highlights the following dimensions of perfectionism:

• Personal perfectionism
• Social perfectionism

The study revealed that individuals with anorexia and elite athletes exhibit a high degree of personal perfectionism, with the difference being that those with anorexia assessed themselves more negatively, while elite athletes were more positive about themselves[1].

When it comes to personal perfectionism, it means that people make high demands on themselves. For example, someone with anorexia needs to be slim and will do anything for this, such as not eating.

A study conducted in 1990[2] found that there are certain factors important to the development of perfectionism, namely:

• Worrying a lot about making mistakes.
• Setting high standards/standards for yourself.
• Feeling that your parents have high expectations of you.
• Feeling that your parents are super critical.
• Doubt the quality of your actions.
• Having a preference for order and structure.

If these points are all recognizable to you, it is good to check that your behavior is not inadvertently harming yourself.

Effects of perfectionism

As mentioned, perfectionism can help you become a top athlete, but unfortunately, it much more often leads to psychological problems such as depression, burnout, anorexia, procrastination, and anxiety.

Perfectionism and burnout

Belgian research shows that burnout at school can result from critical parents. The feeling that your parents set high standards and are very critical of you has significant consequences for students who are perfectionistic and whose perfectionism is more socially oriented. In fact, the same study shows that personal perfectionism actually leads to greater engagement at school.

When you suffer from burnout due to perfectionism, you may notice it in great fatigue, cynicism and the feeling that you are not good enough[3].

Perfectionism and depression

Depression can stem from perfectionism, whether it’s personal or social perfectionism. Failing to meet the expectations of those around you is incredibly frustrating; if you also find that you can’t meet your own standards, it can lead to depression, which in turn is bad for your self-confidence[4].

Perfectionism and anorexia

Perfectionism is a characteristic that people with anorexia often suffer from[5]. Unfortunately, research shows that the more perfectionist, you are the less treatable the anorexia is[6]. In fact, you have to take your perfectionism down a notch first.

However, even if you are more perfectionist than healthy people without anorexia, anorexia is treatable.

An important part of this treatment is to change rituals related to food. For example, if you often pretend to eat but don't really eat and have a set pattern for doing so, breaking this ritual is an important step toward healing. This is something a hypnosis expert can help you with.

In the process, hypnosis also helps to treat perfectionism and beliefs about the importance of your family and friends' opinions of you.

Perfectionism and procrastination

Perfectionism also leads to procrastination. You want to do something perfectly and end up spending a long time thinking about the perfect approach, for example, which means there’s a good chance you’ll start too late and still won’t be able to do it perfectly. On top of that, the desire to find the perfect approach can cause you to suffer from fear of failure.

For example, people who have a fear of statistics, such as some students, are more likely to suffer from fear of failure and perfectionism than those without these fears[7]. Such fears are also a hallmark of perfectionism.

Changing Beliefs

To change perfectionism, it’s important to examine the beliefs that lead to perfectionism and, when they’re unhealthy for you, to change them.

There are all kinds of ways to change your beliefs. One way is to first have a Socratic conversation, and then get new beliefs with hypnotic suggestions.

In a Socratic conversation, the why question is repeated several times. Initially this gets you to the core of your belief, yet if you ask the why question long enough you may find that your belief is not actually based on anything. When you get to that point, hypnotic suggestions can help you gain healthy beliefs. By repeating or listening to these suggestions daily you ensure that these healthy suggestions prevail, making you less of a perfectionist. For example, these can be suggestions such as:

"You don't have to be better than yeast every day, the same thing is good too."

"You are human, you are allowed to make mistakes just like everyone else."

"Your parents want you to be happy, even as a well-wisher."

"Your parents want to help you with criticism, they are not angry."

"As long as you do your best, it's good enough."

"Chaos and spontaneity can also be fun."

These kinds of suggestions can be repeated out loud at home during self-hypnosis, or you listen to them on an mp3, which you then got from your hypnosis expert. These are just examples. Depending on your beliefs that lead to perfectionism, you may be given other suggestions by your hypnosis expert.

Identifying cause when it is not obvious

Sometimes the cause of perfectionism isn’t clear. For example, you may not have strict parents, yet you still feel you have to do your very best for them. Something has triggered the belief that you must always do your best—and even better than is possible. To find out what that is, you can use regression. Regression is a hypnosis technique in which the hypnosis expert takes you back to the moment when the belief that causes perfectionism first arose. Generally, these are moments from your childhood, because that’s the stage of life when you form beliefs about life and the world. However, as a child, you certainly don’t have a monopoly on wisdom, and this can sometimes lead you to develop illogical beliefs.

Just think of children who believe it’s their fault when their parents get a divorce.

By taking a closer look at this moment with your adult knowledge, you will very quickly make sure that beliefs change or know what to do to change those beliefs.

Practicing non-perfectionist behavior

When you are used to always being a perfectionist, it can be very difficult to cut corners when needed to lower your stress levels. This is behavior that you can practice and encourage with hypnosis. Stimulating this behavior is something that can be done, for example, with a post-hypnotic suggestion. This is a suggestion that affects your behavior after you have been under hypnosis. For example, you are then instructed to do something when a certain situation happens. For example:

"You come home from work and it was an incredibly busy and stressful day. You take off your shoes and put on comfortable clothes. You are too tired to clean up and although this would not normally stop you, you leave things as they are for now. When your partner comes home you ask them to clean up a bit and tell them about your stressful day."

So this suggestion influences finding relaxation at times when normally as a perfectionist, you will still go over your limits just to create the perfect picture.

Such post-hypnotic suggestion often comes after a guided visualization. In that visualization, relaxation is created and coping with awkward feelings, such as feelings of anxiety, when you tackle something differently than usual for once. This helps you change perfectionist behavior.

Changing perfectionism is important for your own mental health. When you find that you become too anxious to do something. You become depressed or stop eating, it is important to seek help. Hypnosis is one way that can help you deal with perfectionism differently.

Would you like to learn more about exactly how hypnosis works and how you can use it to help yourself and others? Then come to a workshop or sign up for one of the training courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands.

Also listen to this podcast:

Sources:

[1] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/019188699400192U

[2] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/bf01172967

[3] http://lirias.kuleuven.be/2327413?limo=0

[4] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/1520-6807(200011)37:6%3C535::AID-PITS6%3E3.0.CO;2-O

[5] https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/pdfplus/10.1176/appi.ajp.157.11.1799

[6] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/eat.10127

[7] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886901001489