Giving and receiving compliments

Compliments are made to stroke our ego, but then why is it sometimes so super hard to receive a compliment. Someone tells you that your bag is beautiful and before you know it, you start talking about how cheap the bag was and so it's not really worth the compliment. It is very unfortunate if you try to diminish compliments, because it is precisely a moment to enjoy.

To make sure you get everything out of a compliment that you can get out of it, in this blog I will go over the benefits of compliments, how to give them and how to receive them.

Complimenting

Giving a compliment is something you use to help other people. When you compliment someone, it is often a show of wonder and you just want to let that person know how well they are actually doing.

There are multiple times when a compliment can be given, such as at a party, just during the day when you meet someone or you name it. Giving compliments is something many people do without thinking.

There are also times when, on the contrary, you compliment very intentionally, such as when you give a recommendation or give a review.

Recommend

When you give a recommendation online, it's a compliment that lasts forever. On sites like Linkedin, you can give people a recommendation in person. By doing so, you help them gain more authority as an expert, and such a compliment is often incredibly appreciated.

In such a recommendation, you then mention how you know that person, what kind of work they have done with or for you and what pluses they all have.

Compliments at work

Compliments also play an important role at work. Complimenting colleagues, managers or co-workers creates a pleasant work environment. Yet giving compliments at work is also sometimes tricky.

First, you must mean the compliment and second, you must be mindful that even though you think something is a compliment, the recipient does not have to think so.

For example, if a female colleague puts on makeup one time and you then compliment her on her appearance it may come across as "without makeup you are not that pretty" or if you say that someone is quite smart for someone from X background/education/culture/region it is more of an insult to the background/education/culture/region that person has.

Therefore, make sure that compliments at work are about the work done. Then you will always be in the right place.

Compliments play a role in hypnosis

Compliments also play an important role during hypnotherapy. This is because a compliment creates good feelings, which makes being under hypnosis a more pleasant experience for many people. As a result, people under hypnosis are also more open to the hypnotic suggestions and to processing their problems.

Receiving Compliment

Receiving a compliment is very nice for most people. It makes you feel good because apparently there is something you are good at. As a result, a compliment often boosts your self-confidence.

In some cases, people actually become suspicious when they receive a compliment. Because of a person's self-image , the compliment may not be accepted. How well you can accept a compliment often says something about your self-confidence and self-esteem.

People often seek confirmation of the image they have about something. This can be about prejudices about other people, as well as the self-image they have. A study with students in the U.S. showed that people would rather have a roommate who thinks the same about them than another. So if you yourself think negatively about yourself, you can surround yourself with people who also think negatively about themselves or you.

As a result, you mainly achieve that you get into a kind of negative spiral with all kinds of confirmations of how worthless you are. A compliment is then suddenly hard to believe. The negative feelings that the compliment then evokes are because you actually suffer from uncomfortable feelings because what someone says does not match your beliefs.

This is also known as dissonance.

One way some people deal with this is by thinking the compliment is meant to be sarcastic, which is very unfortunate. Or you become even more insecure because you also want to continue to live up to the image the compliment creates of you in the future and you're afraid you won't succeed.

Note that if someone kind of rejects a compliment, it does not automatically mean that person has low self-confidence. This may also be due to culture. For example, in the Netherlands it is quite normal to dismiss a compliment by saying that you bought something nice on sale. However, brushing off the compliment should not become brushing off the compliment.

Compliments and the effect in a relationship

The annoying thing is also that when you have such low self-esteem, these kinds of compliments are especially hard to receive from your romantic partner. This is because for someone with low self-confidence, a compliment feels like an obligation to live up to that image. Because the partner has a low image of themselves, they are convinced that they are not worth the compliment or at least not worth it in the future.

There is also the fear that the partner's love is not unconditional, but to keep the love you must conform to a certain image. There may be a belief that you must continue to conform to the image the compliment creates about you.

This can cause the exact opposite reaction to a compliment. The insecure partner withdraws and then acts more aloof. As a result, however, they often get exactly the reaction they are so afraid of.

Accepting Compliments

To still be able to accept the compliment, there are several techniques you can use to avoid immediately getting that feeling that you are not worthy of the compliment or that you have to live up to the image the compliment creates about you in the future.

View the compliment actually

For example, you can look at the compliment in abstract terms. What is he/she actually saying about me in a literal sense? What does what he/she is saying mean in this relationship?

Of course, a compliment is also a form of acceptance about how you are. In fact, a compliment is a sign of love, especially when given in a relationship.

Improve your self-confidence

If you also find it difficult to accept compliments outside of your relationship because you have low self-esteem, it is important to work on your self-confidence and self-esteem image.

Hypnotherapy is a technique that can help you improve your self-confidence. Hypnotherapy first involves exploring what beliefs cause you to find it difficult to accept a compliment.

Even if you do have just enough self-confidence, hypnotherapy can help you accept compliments. Because even then, beliefs about the purpose of those compliments can get in your way.

This can be done by repeating hypnotic suggestions, such as:

A compliment says something about how people see me.

Compliments.

If someone says I can do something well, I can do something well.

People don't expect a compliment in return.

This compliment is about now, not the future.

If these suggestions don't work for you, see a hypnotherapist to get suggestions that fit your beliefs about compliments.

Use mindfulness in your relationship

One way to better accept compliments within your relationship is to use mindfulness in your relationship . By being mindful in your relationship, you live in the here and now during interactions with your partner. A compliment is then just a nice moment and, by being mindful, does not create immediate expectations for the future.

Ways to accept compliments

So accepting a compliment is difficult for some people, but in the end it's just really simple. You just say:

"Thank you."

Depending on what you have been complimented for you can add:

"I also really enjoyed it."

"I'm glad I was able to help you."

"This was not possible without the help of X" (When it comes to something you accomplished together with other people).

It is important to share the credit when you receive a compliment for something you have done with a team.

If a compliment also means a lot to you emotionally, it is not at all a bad thing to share it. This can even improve the bond between you and the complimenter.

In that case, you can say something like

"Thank you, this means a lot to me"

"Thanks, I was going through it for a while, but this totally cheered me up."

Returning a compliment is also possible, but make sure you mean the compliment. It is also not the intention that you want to outdo each other's compliment every time after that. Don't make it a competition.

Want to learn more about mental techniques for improving your life? Then come to a seminar or workshop and check out Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training programs.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201308/why-some-people-hate-receiving-compliments