I'm weird: what to do

March 12, 2018

You came here because you think you're weird. Something happens, people react to it and somehow you get the thought "They're doing this because I'm weird.". You feel that you are weird, different from everybody else and people see this and think "Yes you are really weird." But why are you weird and what do you do about it. Find out while reading this blog

The belief: I'm weird

If you think you are weird, it does not automatically mean that those around you agree. What you think is an inner thing and as long as it does not become a behavior, you are not behaving weirdly and therefore you are not weird to those around you.

So finding yourself weird does not at all mean that you are also acting weird or that those around you think you are weird.

So it’s a belief you have about yourself. A belief is an idea you have about the world, how the world works, and how you relate to it.

If you think you are weird, it means you also have beliefs about what is normal and why you don't conform to it and why this would make people notice.

Social Comparisons

One way for many people to determine if they are "normal" is to compare themselves to other people( 1). If you work in an environment with a lot of athletic people, you might just start thinking that exercising 7 days a week is the norm. While for most people that is not the case at all.

Comparing yourself to other people can also make you very critical of yourself. For example, you trip once and feel absolutely mortified. “Everyone” saw it, and now they must all think you’re stupid, because grown-ups never trip.

This is actually a very lame comparison, as everyone stumbles from time to time, only it doesn't always happen at the same time. So you can't directly compare that very well either.

Scientific research also often compares groups to each other, but a sample in your village market is scientifically a very poor comparison and a poor way to map what is "normal.

The people you know around you are also a small sample from a very large population. What is the norm in that small group is not necessarily normal.

So what is normal is actually even unknown and therefore a belief on what is normal is also different for everyone, especially when formed by such a poor sample.

Did you know that children with autism also often feel "weird" or "wrong," which is incredibly unfortunate( 2)?

Talking/Thinking to Yourself

In the process, we are also very critical beings, as we often fill in what other people are thinking. As in the social comparison example, you may think other people think you are now stupid because you stumbled.

You will start giving critiques that others may have to yourself in advance.

But imagine for a moment that you see someone else stumbling, what do you think? Is your first thought "haha, what a dork" or is your first thought "I hope that person didn't hurt anything"?

Most people will have the second thought first. Thus, there is actually no judgment at all, but thoughts of worry expressed. After all, everyone knows how annoying it is to trip and that before you know it, you have sprained your ankle. No one wishes that on anyone else.

Self-compassion is therefore one of the first things you can apply to feel less weird.

Changing your beliefs

As you can see, there are a number of facets of beliefs you can change to be able to say "I am normal."

Attention that other people have

Beliefs about how other people perceive you are often the very beliefs that make you think you’re weird. You walk down the street and feel like everyone is looking at you, even if it’s just out of the corner of their eye. You have a presentation and are afraid that people will pay more attention to your appearance than to the content of the presentation.

Fortunately, most people don't have such an eye for detail. On the street, everyone has their own destination where they still need to go. As a result, most people are more concerned with their own worries than paying attention to you.

Giving a presentation? Clothing that fits and is neutral often ensures that they have nothing to say about you, this is also why many people wear gray, blue, black, white or beige clothes when working in an office. In addition, most people really don't pay enough attention to your clothing to form an opinion about it when you are actually sharing important information.

One way to change these beliefs is to apply self-hypnosis, repeating the following suggestions, for example:

"I'm like an extra in someone else's life, if I don't know them personally."

"The focus is on the presentation and on the information."

These are just examples of suggestions. If you have other beliefs about what people pay attention to, you can work with a hypnotherapist to come up with other suggestions and use them at home during self-hypnosis.

Whether other people like the real you

Another problem some people have who think, "I'm weird." Is that you don't behave the way you actually are when you are with others. You behave according to how you think you should behave, and because of this, people actually see a kind of fake version of you.

This has all kinds of effects; for example, you then attract people who don't actually fit the real you. While people who dare to be themselves are often the nicest people and then you also attract people who really fit with you.

To be yourself, you actually also need the self-confidence that people will accept you even then. This self-confidence can also be strengthened with hypnosis. A good way to practice being yourself is to visualize it.

For example, you can visualize what might happen if you do dare to be yourself. The goal is then to make the visualization completely positive. Your fears should be ignored. Such a visualization could be, for example:

You go out and have an outfit that you are totally happy with. You look great and feel great. Your friends are happily surprised with your look and you all get compliments on how great you look. You join your friends at the bar. When a song comes on that you absolutely love, for once you don't stay seated like you normally always do. Instead, you start dancing and your friends dance with you. You go home again with a very nice feeling.

If you find it difficult to do such a visualization yourself, a hypnotherapist can also help you with a guided visualization in order to strengthen your confidence that you are allowed to be who you are.

Stay in the now with your attention

As mentioned, beliefs and how you talk to yourself are often a reason why you think you are weird. Expectations about the future, or past events are also often thoughts that don't help.

For example, you might think back to an event from years ago where, in hindsight, you could have reacted better or differently. For example, a friend of yours came out, and at the time you acted in a completely homophobic way—something you now deeply regret —and because of that, you now constantly think you’re weird, since that kind of behavior is really outdated.

Or maybe you’re afraid of things that haven’t happened yet. You have a child and are afraid that other parents in the schoolyard will think you’re weird, or that you’ll accidentally do something that makes other people think you’re weird.

These kinds of thoughts only reinforce your belief that you are strange. By staying precisely in the here and now with your attention, you ensure that you think less or not at all about these kinds of scenarios. As a result, you also give yourself much less negative feedback.

Still notice your attention going to the past or the future? Then focus on your breathing, what you are really doing and what input you are getting from your senses. This will also make it easier to shift your focus back to what you are doing.

This is a form of mindfulness.

Mindfulness and especially hypnosis are great for changing beliefs and feelings about being weird. In the end, everyone is a little weird, but those are moments you don't usually see.

Would you like to learn more about hypnosis and mental techniques to feel better about yourself and have the courage to be yourself? Then come to a training course or read the book *Break Free!*

Or join the free online masterclass on hypnosis.

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