Standing up for yourself: how hypnosis can help you

Neighbors, co-workers, parents, children, classmates; there are many people around you against whom you must defend yourself at some point in your life. This sometimes sounds worse than it is, standing up for yourself and stating your boundaries is also a way to assert those defenses, but this is sometimes easier said than done. Hypnosis can help you stand up for yourself

The tree and the neighbor

A great example familiar to many people is applying for a logging permit from the municipality. An acquaintance of mine took 15 years to get an oak tree next to her garden cut down, because the neighbors disagreed each time.

Another friend of mine even has a permit, but the neighbor still disagrees, and he is trying to prevent the tree from being cut other than by simply objecting.

Then you also have neighbors who build gazebos only to suffer fires, whether on purpose or not, and also neighbors who do an illegal extension and get into trouble as a result.

Neighbors are generally people you have to defend yourself against the most at the most unexpected times, even a good relationship with a neighbor can suddenly go awry and how do you stand up for yourself?

Especially if you’ve always had a good relationship with your neighbors, it’s easy to give in to their wishes, even though this could be harmful to you. If you give in anyway, with a sort of queasy feeling, you may regret it later. That’s why it’s important to build enough confidence in your rights and in the belief that you can and should stand up for yourself.

Delve into your rights

When in dispute, learn about your rights. Just knowing what rights you have can give you the confidence to stand up for yourself.

Do you find it difficult to search for and interpret legal articles on your own? Then you can seek advice from the legal desk or call a lawyer. They will be happy to advise you about your rights and the steps you can take (even if you do not yet want to go to court). Sometimes you will pay a fee, but for individuals they often have a lower rate than for companies that need legal help.

Standing up for yourself within the family

Unfortunately, there are times when you have to stand up for yourself within your family. For example, you might have family over, and someone lights up a cigarette even though you don’t want anyone smoking in your home. If you often just let this happen without saying anything, that’s a real shame, because secondhand smoke is unhealthy for you, too.

Another problem that often arises later on is when your parents or in-laws suddenly have an opinion about how you ’re raising your children and sometimes even actively interfere with their upbringing.

Your home, your rules

It’s especially important to stand up for your own rules at home. If you’ve just moved into your own place and are living away from home, or are financially independent from your parents, this can still be very difficult. It’s important to build the self-confidence, self-esteem, and conviction that you’re allowed to stand up for yourself—especially when you’re in your own space.

Hypnosis can help with all three of these issues. Self-confidence is something that also depends on many beliefs. For example, the belief about your worth to that family is one of those.

Then you have families where age plays an important role. The older someone is the more respect they deserve. What respect then means is different for everyone, but this can create a problem if respect is translated into slavish docility to the elder. This belief will not help you if an older person in your family lights up that fag or starts interfering with your upbringing.

These types of beliefs can be changed by repeating or listening to suggestions during self-hypnosis, such as:

"Respect is mutual."

"In my house, my rules apply."

"I am worthy of respect."

"My value is ageless."

These are just examples, but you can also use this form of self-hypnosis in an argument with your neighbor or co-workers because it's about wanting to have the confidence and self-esteem to stand up for yourself.

Standing up for yourself at work or while studying

Cooperation is important in this society, and in fact in any society. Unfortunately, mistakes are sometimes made during such collaboration.

For example, I know the story of Isa who made a mistake during an internship, but only after consulting with someone who was employed. The supervisor found out and she was blamed for the mistake. Under the compelling gaze of the salaried person, she told nothing about the consultation and took full blame. The salaried person was given a longer contract and the internship was not continued to a temporary contract, which was common in that field. So not standing up for herself did not help her at all. This is precisely why it is important to stand up for yourself at work and during your studies when something goes wrong in a collaborative relationship.

Indicating that someone is not behaving well toward you is already a way to stand up for yourself. This can often be done with your supervisor or sometimes with a confidant.

Bullying at work is also something that unfortunately still happens, which is why it is important to stand up for yourself to nip it in the bud.

Sometimes it's hard to stand up for yourself because you want to stay clean. Ideally, you might want to completely scold your colleague after years of mismanagement, but that won't get you anywhere.

Therefore, a hypnotherapist can help you with a guided visualization so you can gain confidence that you can stand up for yourself and that it will have a good outcome. In a guided visualization, the hypnotherapist first induces hypnosis. When you are nice and relaxed and open to suggestions, the guided visualization begins, which can go as follows:

"You arrive at work and a mistake has been discovered. Colleague X, as usual, once again points the finger at you. You take a deep breath and stand up straight and firm in your shoes and tell the manager that colleague X is misrepresenting the situation you did in fact consult and perform the steps as outlined in the business processes, so the fault lies with someone else. The manager may look confused, but accepts your explanation and says he is grateful for your version of the story. Now he will investigate further what happened, but at least you have had your say. It feels good to stand up for yourself and this is something you will do more often."

Other exercises for standing up for yourself

If hypnosis has helped you in gathering confidence to tell the truth and stand up for yourself, there are a number of other exercises you can do to make this even easier.

Tip 1: Practice being honest at all times

Maybe you often think something, but just keep quiet. By speaking your mind more often about a situation or being honest about how something happened, you can ensure that it is also easier to stand up for yourself when someone lies and harms you in the process. After all, telling the truth has then already become a habit.

Tip 2: Take small steps

If you find it difficult to implement the first tip, there are other steps you can take. First, it is helpful to realize that behavior is something you do, not what you are. Therefore, you can at least start by doing things, such as adopting a posture as if you were more confident. Standing up straighter and walking is a small step that can have a big psychological effect.

You can also start with the small irritations, does someone creep ahead of you at the supermarket line? Then politely ask them to let you go ahead anyway because you were already there.

Tip 3: Keep it businesslike

It is very tempting to get emotional when you have to stand up for yourself because you just know you are right. Try to avoid that. Stick to the facts, keep it businesslike and try to avoid accusations based on assumptions.

Tip 4: Your time, your life

Time is incredibly valuable, and if someone keeps infringing on your time, it's time to stand up for yourself. If you often have to work overtime for tasks that are not important, it is useful to report that to your supervisor. If a family member keeps coming to visit unexpectedly you can indicate that he/she better call because sometimes you also want a little me-time.

Would you like to learn more about mental techniques to help you feel more confident? Then come to a workshop or take a course at the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands.