Cynical people: helping and dealing with them

As a hypnotherapist, or as a normal person, you may sometimes have to deal with cynical people. Why is it that some people are so negative, how do you deal with this, and how can you best help someone who is just too cynical?

It's never good enough, nobody can be trusted, it will rain again tomorrow, emigrating is the only solution, voting doesn't make sense, exercising doesn't make sense, quitting smoking doesn't make sense, nothing makes sense. That kind of sums up what being cynical can look like.

Not a convenient attitude to be happy with.

Cynical people

Cynical people are people who don't trust other people (anymore). They think that no one wants to help them or even worse, that they will always get knifed. So that they are always going to get screwed by someone at some point, to put it crudely.

Cynicism also means that people are distrustful, no longer have idealism or even reject it (because can never be achieved anyway), they are somewhat sarcastic mocking, bitter and can be very sarcastic[1].

Actually, cynicism is something that doesn't help you at all. Cynical people are often people who have trusted others, but in whom this trust has been broken, and as a result they have become disappointed in all people.

As a result, they no longer dare to give their heart or trust to other people, so the perception that people are untrustworthy can no longer be restored, because people can no longer prove to them that they are trustworthy. As a result, cynical people can remain cynical for a long time[2].

In general, people can even be a bit cynical. For example, many people assume that behavior pretty much always occurs because someone thinks it's the right thing to do for their own good. So if someone does something for another person, this can be seen by people as not only something that is good for that other person. They then also often think that that person is only doing this because there is still something to gain for that person.

This also explains why wealthy philanthropists are often not trusted anyway, even though they all want to help people and want nothing else in return[3].

Cynical people and work

Unfortunately, too many cynical people in a business (or even an economy) are not helpful at all, because cynicism causes you to do things that don't help you at all. For example, consider never outsourcing work, which prevents you from growing your business, because doing everything on your own is simply an impossible task as your business grows.

For example, in companies where there is a lot of cynicism, fatigue is a major problem[4] and that, in turn, can lead to burnout.

Research also shows that cynical people enjoy their work less, interact less well with their colleagues and/or supervisor, and do not feel that their colleagues support them[5].

So plenty of reasons to help people who suffer from cynicism.

Dealing with cynicism

How do you deal with receiving cynical comments or noticing that someone close to you is quite cynical?

One useful thing to know is that cynicism can be a way for people to deal with stress [6]. For example, if you notice that someone at work is making a lot of cynical jokes or being sarcastic, you can always check to see if that person hasn't been assigned too many tasks.

In addition, starting a conversation with someone who is cynical and genuinely listening to that person can already do a lot to remove the cynical vibe[7]. It might be a great relief for that person to be able to let out everything that is bothering them.

This conversation can even transform cynicism into hope (source 7). This is because cynical people have hope somewhere that they are wrong after all, but simply do not dare to test this.

If you're cynical yourself

You may also find yourself feeling cynical and that it's time for a change. For example, you feel you are living too negatively and you want to change this, but the question is how?

One way to be less cynical is through a gratitude exercise, which may be difficult to do when you suffer from cynicism, but give it a shot. In fact, research shows that teachers who are grateful suffer less cynicism in the workplace than teachers who are less grateful.

Research also shows that gratitude helps reduce cynicism, but narcissism does not[8]. Fortunately, someone who is cynical is generally not necessarily a narcissist, so for the cynical among us, starting with gratitude exercises is a very good step to looking a little more positively at life and fellow human beings.

Another way is to strengthen or increase your social relationships. This does not directly mean confiding your deepest secrets to people. But regularly going to someone's house for coffee or playing sports with someone can already make you feel more connected, which also helps reduce cynicism.

Just having a chat with your colleagues in this way at work can do a lot to lower your cynicism[9]. You don't have to expect anything from them, just a quick chat can be enough.

If none of this works, you can also ask for help.

On the contrary, if you have someone close to you who is cynical and could use help, the following may also help.

Helping someone who is cynical

Helping someone who is cynical can be done in several ways; as mentioned, a good conversation can go a long way. As a hypnotherapist, you can then use conversational hypnosis to find out what made someone cynical. What beliefs underlie this cynical feeling.

In the case of someone saying no one can be trusted, asking "no one?" can often help a little. Usually there are still one or two people such a person can trust, and that can be the first step toward removing cynicism.

Then you can magnify this by going the extra mile each time to what is reliable, such as programs that are always on television, the bus that usually does run about on time, the car that does. The cashier who scans your groceries. Your package delivery man.

Suddenly the person may then realize that there may be quite a few people to count on after all.

What is the cause?

In addition, it is helpful to find out if the person is suffering from too much stress or if the person may have developed a trust issue due to a traumatic event.

For example, if the issue is an event, regression can be a great way to help the person. With regression, you help the cynical person go back in their mind to the first moment when they began to feel so cynical.

You then help the person do something with that moment.

These are often moments in childhood, as that is when people determine how the world works and how it should work.

Sometimes just empathizing with other people, such as why they could not keep a certain promise, is enough to become less cynical.

At an impact event during childhood

But sometimes there is something going on that is more serious. In that case, a conversation with the inner child can be helpful to the person. For example, the person can learn that cynicism as a protective mechanism is no longer necessary. That he/she interacts with other people now and has a very different life now than he/she did then.

The idea is to encourage the adult client to start the conversation with his younger self. You may give instructions on what questions he may ask, on whether to give the child a hand or even a hug.

At the end, you allow the inner child in the person sitting in front of you at that moment to grow up, but without all those cynical feelings, and that can do a lot to free people from cynicism.

Reducing Stress

Because cynicism can also be a way to deal with stress[10], reducing stress can also be a good way to reduce cynicism. It is therefore important to look at beliefs about work and choosing for yourself or about setting boundaries to reduce stress.

For example, if someone dares to say "no" to overtime once through therapy, they may find out that this is therefore possible, and that can already give hope that much more is possible to reduce stress.

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