Being heard: The importance of your input to problem solving
Being heard is an important need when you have a problem. This can be a personal problem or a problem at work, your relationship, anywhere. Having your opinion heard already gives you at least a sense of relief that you have voiced it.
Then, of course, it's helpful if you can also be heard while expressing this. That you are not talking to a wall.
Not being heard
Especially when you’re helping people as a coach or therapist, it’s important that they feel heard, because this greatly enhances rapport and trust in the treatment. Research shows that when you show active and genuine interest in your clients, it helps them feel heard. If a client shares something painful, you don’t need to make a pained face, because that’s counterproductive[1].
Not being heard in conflicts is also inconvenient, because it prevents you from resolving the conflict. Feeling heard also makes you more understanding of the other party. Making yourself heard in conflict gives you a win-win situation. On the one hand, your feelings have been discussed and on the other hand, this can create more understanding for each other than if you bottled everything up[2].
Not being heard at work can sometimes be beneficial. For example, research shows that if you and your manager agree, it can be good for your career. But do you disagree with a supervisor and overestimate the power that being heard gives you? Then this can be detrimental to you[3]. So it is important then to bring disagreement in a nuanced way.
So sometimes it's helpful to consider for yourself whether you want to work for a company where disagreement can lead to adverse consequences. If it's an issue about which you can say that if it's not ok to speak up you might as well resign, then you can make yourself heard and see if it goes with or against you.
If you know you want to speak up, a hypnotherapist can help you with guided visualizations to practice mentally. You then practice, as it were, how to make yourself heard at work. How to stay calm and how to make problems and solutions heard in a nuanced way. You will already know how it feels to make yourself heard at work and you will think of solutions for how you think people will react.
This visualization improves your confidence and makes you feel more able to discuss what is important to you.
Not being heard in your relationship
A good relationship needs good communication, and that comes from both sides. Listening is part of that. When your partner listens to you and signals that he/she is doing so you feel heard.
You can start by listening carefully yourself, as this can already improve your sense of connection. For example, you can summarize what your partner has said, with the comments:
"Do you mean this...."
"If I understand correctly, you want to..."
You can also express sympathy for your partner's emotions.
If you become a good listener, your partner can copy this or you can ask your partner if they understand what you mean.
Being heard as a child
For children, it is also important to feel heard by important adults in their lives for a good sense of well-being[4]. This is why it's so important not only to do fun things with your children, but also to have a nice conversation once in a while so they can share how they feel.
It’s important for children to feel heard and not neglected. If a child is neglected—and you certainly aren’t listening to them—this can lead to the child having few social connections as an adult and often internalizing problems[5]. You might then think, for example, that a problem is your fault, when that doesn’t have to be the case at all.
If you have problems with being heard, you can use regression to find out if a childhood event gave you the belief that you are not being heard and that people are simply not listening to you.
With regression, you go back to the first moment when you felt you weren't being heard. Then the therapist helps you do something with that moment. For example, you can reinterpret the moment but with the adult knowledge you have.
Perhaps you'll find out that you weren't completely ignored or can now explain why things went the way they did and that doesn't mean you're still not being heard now.
In some cases, you can also have a conversation with your inner child to help them come to terms with your current life. A hypnotherapist can assist you with this.
Being heard and seen
Social media is incredibly popular and that's because you can be heard and seen on social media. The likes can also give you "proof" that you have been seen.
Therefore, if you don't feel heard and seen, social media can be an outlet to still get that feeling. You see this, for example, in people who start vlogging, podcasting and blogging.
This can also help you feel somewhat heard and seen.
Studies of older people (between the ages of 60 and 86) who blogged in Spain show that blogging had the following benefits for them:
- Satisfaction that they had a blog.
- Benefit for relationships
- Benefit for cognitive functions (maintaining thinking)
- Benefit for sense of identity[6]
But ultimately, you talk a lot online with people you don't know, and it's also nice to feel heard and seen by the people you do know, with family, friends and colleagues.
Sometimes it takes guts and self-confidence to realize that what you have to say is something you’re actually allowed to say—and not to hold back when you really want to express your opinion on a particular topic.
Making yourself heard and seen
To make yourself heard and seen, for example, you may wonder why you remain silent now when you actually have something to say. A hypnotherapist can help you with this question by engaging in a kind of Socratic conversation with you. Then you often get to your deepest beliefs and even then you can find out that those beliefs don't really make sense.
This makes the beliefs that have been keeping you silent or misunderstood until now more unimportant and weak, making it easier to do say something.
Hypnosis can be used, for example, to resolve conflicts in a marriage. This is because you can make your voice heard more clearly and experience less frustration as you begin to view problems differently[7].
In fact, you can also get suggestions that will help you with more confidence and ego. You can also repeat these with self-hypnosis at home, helping you retain the effects of therapy even better. These can be suggestions such as:
"I get to say what I have to say."
"I can ask if someone understood me and just double-check," he says.
"Making me heard is more important than winning."
These are just examples, depending with your problems about being heard, you may get other suggestions that will better help you solve this problem.
Everyone, to a greater or lesser extent, has a need to be heard and seen. There are multiple ways to fulfill that need. For example, you can engage in conversation with your family, friends and colleagues, or you can make yourself heard online.
In addition, being heard is also important in other facets of your life. For example, if you have a medical problem. Especially with mental problems, the feeling that you are not heard by the therapist can make the treatment not work well. You then do not experience a connection with your help. So then it is important to look further for someone with whom you do feel you are being heard.
Would you like to learn more about how hypnosis can help with certain issues? Then join the free online masterclass.
Or enroll in one of our training courses. The trainings are conducted online and with enough assistance for 1-on-1 attention. This is to ensure the flow of the training and independence from rules about where you can be when.
Sources: