Coping with heartbreak: practical tips to avoid getting stuck

He or she was totally awesome. It was your buddy. You had such great times and now it's over. However, you think about him or her every day and it makes you despondent. You find it hard to move on and sometimes have terrible crying fits that it's over or even a bad night's sleep. Processing heartbreak sometimes comes in fits and starts.

To help you deal with heartbreak in the best way possible, in this blog I will go over what heartbreak is and how to deal with it.

What is heartbreak

Heartbreak is a mental state in which you are actually mourning the loss of your relationship. Heartbreak can lead to depressive feelings as a result.

Research also shows that about 80% of men and women who suffer from heartbreak also sleep less well as a result.

Heartbreak always seems to come from a romantic relationship that has broken down, but research shows that there are other causes for heartbreak. An unrequited love can also be the cause of heartbreak, or having a sexual relationship that has not changed to more than just physical pleasure.

Coping with heartbreak

Research shows that people cope with their heartbreak by putting on music that deals with heartbreak, for example. However, whether this also helps speed up the process is unknown(1).

How long does heartbreak last

The research shows that heartbreak can last an average of 10 months to 1 year, but there are also people who only suffer from heartbreak for 1 month and there are also exceptions of people who suffer from heartbreak for up to 40 months, which is more than 3 years.

Personally, I think 10 months is a very long time, but of course it also depends on how long a relationship has lasted. If you are done with it after 6 months and want extra help to get rid of it, you can just do that.

Symptoms of heartbreak include:

Insomnia
Reduced daytime functioning
Mood swings
You want to be alone
Fatigue
No appetite
You are easily distracted
You become obsessive(OCD-like)
You analyze everything that happened
Crying (for nothing)

So, heartbreak can cause insomnia, which can also cause you to function impaired during the day.

In addition, heartbreak can also cause you to suffer from nightmares. The painful life during the day is processed at night, which can lead to nightmares(2).

Stages of heartbreak

Heartbreak can last a month, or it can last a year. This is because you can go through certain stages to process the heartbreak.

Stage 1: Realization that it doesn't work

You may still be in a relationship during this phase, some people do not have this phase because they have just been abandoned by their partner, but you may also suffer from heartbreak if you do break up.

At this stage, you notice that the relationship is no longer working and you feel comfortable ignoring your partner.

Stage 2: It's actually out

At this stage, the relationship has broken down and you may have all kinds of thoughts - about why, about moving on anyway, or just not. The temptation to message or call your ex during this phase can be strong.

Stage 3: The grief

You have now really realized that it's out and are now going to do what scientists say people do with heartbreak, which is to listen to songs about broken relationships.

In addition, you can also cry a lot during this phase. Already in the first two stages, you may suffer from disturbed sleep.

Stage 4: Anger

Just as during grieving the permanent loss of a loved one , during heartbreak you mourn the loss of the relationship. This can also make you angry . That ex was also a totally malicious person. You were not treated well and he/she was actually just mean.

This is also the phase when you want to do something about your appearance again to look good.

Stage 5: The first steps

In this phase, you find out that there are indeed many more fish in the sea than your ex. Slowly you dare to flirt again, but not really yet. It's like learning to swim or walk again in single life.

Seeing your ex can still upset you.

Stage 6: Freedom

In fact, you haven't thought about your ex for days, and when he/she walks down the street with someone else, it doesn't give you a stomach ache either. That other person is better than you! You are completely over your ex and can enjoy your new life again, and maybe a new love.

Also watch this video on heartbreak resolution:

Heartbreak tips

To get over your heartbreak faster, there are a number of things you can do. These are practical things, as well as rituals that can provide closure.

Tip 1: Go do something social

Perhaps you are still in the phase where you don't want to see anyone yet either, but just by meeting up with friends or attending a workshop you distract yourself from the grief for a while.

In the process, it also strengthens social ties with friends and family, making your loss smaller as well.

Tip 2: Go speed dating

By going speed dating once, completely free of charge, you'll immediately see that there are plenty of other fish swimming in the sea. You might still compare each participant to your ex, but at least it's a fun experience.

In the process, it can also act as a ritual to ensure that you mentally move into a new phase as well and turn off the "relationship phase."

Tip 3: Burn his/her stuff

Another ritual that many people take advantage of is by ritually burning old photos and items that your ex won't pick up. You can also say something while burning the items to make the closing moment even more powerful, such as:

"Take all your negative energy with the smoke."

Tip 4: Use mindfulness to recognize fantasy

It's normal to think back to your ex from time to time, but it's important not to fantasize about how wonderful it was or could have been. Using mindfulness allows you to intervene more quickly when remembering someone turns into fantasizing about a non-existent future. This allows you to stay more realistic which can reduce the heartbreak.

In the process, mindfulness also helps at work. Being distracted by memories or fears of the future all the time while at work doesn't help you do a good job. By using mindfulness at work as well, you prevent mistakes.

Tip 5: Move more

Exercising also ensures that you are momentarily distracted from your grief. In addition, exercise triggers the release of hormones that make you happy, such as the runner's high in runners. It gives you something to do. You can do it alone and it makes you stronger.

Love has the same neurological basis as addiction, which is why some things that help against addiction are also good for getting over heartbreak, such as exercise.

Tip 6: Accept that it hurts and takes time

You may want to go through all 6 stages right away and use all the tips to get rid of your heartbreak as quickly as possible. It is important to accept that heartbreak is not fun and that sometimes it can take a while to get rid of it.

Heartbreak and hypnosis

When you fall in love you actually get into a kind of hypnosis too. When you are in love you keep repeating beliefs about the person you are in love with. He/she is the funniest, smartest, nicest and much more. This does not have to be factually correct but it works the way hypnotic suggestions work.

A hypnotherapist can help you suffer less from heartbreak by figuring out why you are grieving right now and how logical that grief actually is(3).

If uncertainty for the future is causing additional heartbreak, a hypnotherapist can also do much to ensure that you become more confident , making you less dependent on the love of your ex.

In addition, there are many other techniques that a hypnotherapist can use to help you suffer less from heartbreak.

Heartbreak and NLP

NLP can also help well against heartbreak. In neuro linguistic programming, you get help to change certain thoughts that cause heartbreak. Because everyone experiences heartbreak differently, the new "program" is different for everyone.

Also check out my vlog on heartbreak due to unrequited love or a broken relationship with mixed signals: