Loss recovery is one of the most difficult things in your life. Especially if you have lost a loved one, it is sometimes devastating that life just goes on. That nobody notices that you are standing still because you still have to process this. Suddenly you notice how everyone leads their own life and although they reflect on the loss, they do not have to pick up the thread while you do.
To support coping with loss, you can use self-hypnosis. In this article, I'm going to explain how that works.
Loss can mean anything, but in this article I'll focus on the losses that often make the most impression on our lives. The loss of a loved one. First I describe the normal grieving process, then I discuss factors that can disrupt that process and what you can recognize a disrupted grieving process by. Then I discuss how hypnotherapy can help you say goodbye to your loved one in a normal way and get on with your life.
Grief Process
The grieving process can take weeks and sometimes years. It depends on who you lost and how important this person was to you and, of course, on your own character; some people just get over loss faster than others. Usually the grieving process takes six months to a year, but it can take longer than that (1).
The grieving process consists of several steps, the first of which is becoming aware of your loss. If someone has died after a long illness this awareness is easy, but if someone has died suddenly the awareness may take a while. For example, the moment you realize he/she is not answering the phone because he/she has died.
During the period of awareness, you may experience a kind of numb feeling and be a little more distracted than usual. The rituals we have regarding death, such as funerals, official mourning periods and an evening vigil or other rituals you use when someone has died can help you speed up this awareness and make it tangible.
Next, you have a period of time where you work out the loss. This is different for everyone. The expression is also not so that you consciously start talking to people about the loss, although of course you can do that. Expressing your loss can also be seen by you behaving differently than normal. Maybe you are more quickly irritated, maybe you are quieter than normal, maybe you have more or less distance with people than normal. This varies from individual to individual.
Grieving is also sometimes very confusing you can get all kinds of varying emotions and even positive ones, such as relief. This can feel very strange, but that roller coaster of emotions is part of it. Also, sometimes you can be thrown back into that conscious feeling of loss and then get on that roller coaster of emotions again. Then it can be totally gone again.
Processing loss is very important and this can be done by expressing your loss. This can be through music, making art, exercise or by talking to people about it. It depends on you what you feel most comfortable with.
Sometimes you can also question the meaning of life and therefore seek refuge in spirituality.
Next, adapt to the loss. Your life goes on, yet this loss may return from time to time. On holidays and birthdays, for example, you may notice again for a while that someone is not there.
Factors that make grieving more difficult
Grieving is already not easy when you have lost someone, but there are factors that make coping with loss more difficult. These are:
- Multiple losses in a row.
- Losing someone special, such as your partner.
- Loss through violence, such as an accident, murder or suicide.
- Circumstances that make grieving difficult, such as having to return to work too soon.
- History of anxiety and depression.
Symptoms of difficulty with loss
Especially when grieving is made more difficult than normal and takes much longer than normal, self-hypnosis can be a way to still get through the grieving process and to regain more joy in your life and live your own life without suffering.
There are even symptoms by which you can recognize abnormal grieving, namely:
- Depression
- Insomnia
- Weight Loss
- Concentration Problems
- Total denial of loss
- Misplaced anger
- Urge to get angry and rant or cry, but can't do it
- Hallucinations
- Identification symptoms (where you get physical symptoms that the deceased had)
If you find yourself suffering from these symptoms and, for example, sleeping dangerously little, such as staying awake for three days or losing weight dangerously, it is important to seek help.
These symptoms are most common in cases of unexpected loss, such as through violence, in children or when a parent of a young child is involved. There is then often a mental block that makes acceptance of the loss difficult.
Hypnotherapy for improving loss recovery
Hypnotherapy can help remove the block to grieve normally in order to accept the death of your loved one.
During a hypnotherapy session, you are first led into a visualization that helps you relax. The patient is in charge of this and gets to decide what the visualization looks like. For example, this could be a peaceful forest, but also a beach where the weather is lovely or a meadow or perhaps something completely different that calms the patient.
Next, regression therapy is used to recall a moment from just before the death of the loved one. Here you (as the patient) are also encouraged to imagine yourself holding the hand of the deceased, in reality this is the hand of the therapist. Next, you can imagine a conversation you are having with the person. In this conversation you can express the feelings that you have with that relationship, these can also be negative feelings that you still wanted to talk out that caused the blockage.
But if it's just positive feelings, that's okay, too.
Ultimately, you are encouraged to say goodbye with the knowledge today that that person is going to die and has now passed away.
It is important for the therapist to pay close attention to the emotions and feelings of the person who needs to grieve. Hand-holding is one means of doing this. In addition, when talking, the therapist can also give recommendations or ideas that will help find and resolve the blockage.
By holding the hand, the patient's connection to the deceased person (in mind, a hypnosis session is not a medium-like experience) is still tangible for a moment. In addition, the feedback you give through the hand, such as squeezing, sweating, trembling, warm or cold hands, allows the hypnotherapist to determine how you are doing, in addition to any other emotional expressions, such as crying.
Slow hand release is also a means of supporting the person's parting. This is often a powerful moment for someone who is struggling to grieve, and the moment when saying goodbye actually happens, where it could not before.
The conversation can be conducted entirely in the mind and thus need not be shared with the therapist. This is precisely why touching the hand is also so important so that the therapist has a sense of when you are ready to say goodbye. Sometimes it also happens, for example, that you as a patient first let go of the hand yourself even before the therapist feels that the time has come.
At the conclusion of the hypnosis session, it is important to hold onto the positive feelings you have with the loved one and remind yourself that those feelings do not have to go away. You can always reminisce about good times.
This type of therapy can provide much relief and a sense of closure.
Research on this form of hypnotherapy
Research conducted with 69 people who were struggling to grieve showed that after such a procedure, they felt a sense of relief related to grief (2). It reinforced the feeling that they could now move on with their lives better than before such a session. They could, for example, go to the cemetery or look at pictures of their loved one.
Seven people also dropped symptoms associated with a disturbed grief process.
Complaints such as depression, tinnitus, low self-esteem, anxiety and eating disorders also went away as a result.
Unfortunately, it is not made clear how many of the 69 people suffered from these types of symptoms of disturbed grief. In most cases, 1 session was sufficient, but people are also described who needed up to 3 of these sessions, using self-hypnosis as well.
Self-hypnosis for the grieving process
A disturbed grieving process can leave you with a variety of symptoms, such as waking up in the middle of the night and panicking. Self-hypnosis can then help you calm down again and restore your peace of mind.
Want to learn more about hypnosis? Then check out the training courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands.
Sources:
1: http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/grief-and-grieving-what-happens
2: Manthorpe, D. (1990) The management of unresolved grief. Australian Journal of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis. 18(1), 35-43.
