Comparing yourself to others: How do you stop doing that?
Many people live under the illusion of comparison. You then start comparing yourself to other people. I do that too. For example, I look at how high I am in a list of podcasts or how many likes I have on a post on social media. Then I do think of: "What am I doing now? Come out of hypnosis and then I start comparing myself. "
In that case, it’s very helpful to be able to laugh at yourself. It really helps you snap out of the hypnosis. Then you can say,“Gee, my ‘I’ is at it again, haha.” This doesn’t mean that everything you do is nonsense or laughable.
But some things are really laughable. Just go through for yourself what things you have done that actually make you laugh. That is so liberating and then you come out of your hypnosis.
Then you go beyond your behavior, beyond your form, and beyond your identity.
Then you realize that you are much bigger than that. That you are a miracle. Then you can look at yourself as if you were a toddler making mistakes and you can look at yourself as a kind of father figure of "look at him go now, how sweet."
I got that feeling when I went to check out that podcast list. "That Edwin, he had to check it out." It helps not to judge yourself right away.
So here’s a little tip: laugh at yourself a little more often. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Sometimes you might do silly or wrong things, but that’s just the “I” talking. So what? You’re allowed to mess around, too.
This sounds easy to say, but it's not necessarily easy to do.
Because sometimes you have done things that are not at all laughable.
That just makes you feel like you have to destroy yourself or punish yourself or whatever. But does that help? No, of course it doesn’t. You’re just fighting against yourself.
But if you take a step back, you are love. If you look at yourself with love, you can also think, “Yeah, that was pretty stupid.” But then, in your heart, it never really happened.
If you can capture that feeling. It's not simple, but it is simple to see.
Everyone has their own story or their own “hypnosis.” So it’s nobody’s fault, because, well, try breaking free from that hypnosis.
If you must have some kind of identity, because you do, let it be a fun identity.
Then let it be a joyful or successful hypnosis that brings more feelings of happiness. That’s a form of hypnosis, too. Are you happy or just feeling really joyful? That’s great, isn’t it! I wish that kind of hypnosis for everyone.
With hypnosis, you can also do a lot about it.
It is also sometimes more difficult to get out of positive hypnosis than negative hypnosis.
It is easier to step out of anxiety and depression than out of a moment when everything is going very well. When your business and relationships are going well.
Let that last one go.
So you can choose your own hypnosis, you can play with that, with how you see things.
This also means you can stop or change the equation.
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/4338785-02-kom-uit-de-hypnose-van-vergelijk-en
Comparing yourself to others
So something we all suffer from at times is comparing ourselves to other people. For example, I compare my podcast performance to that of other podcasters.
Comparing this to other people is not always helpful. Yes, when my podcast is ranked #1 and I am apparently doing it "better" than all the other podcasters this feels good.
But if I come off poorly in the equation, it can actually worsen my mood again[1]. Apparently, I'm a loser ☹ (but I'm so not, I'm just there).
Another way people compare themselves to others is when they brag about their qualities. The way someone brags about themselves can even cause people to like or dislike you.
For example, people are usually fine with someone finding themselves good at something, but finding yourself better at something is less accepted. This is because the implication of being better is that you are better than someone else. Maybe you are better than the person you are talking to.
This is because the idea is that if you brag that you are the best at something, you may think negatively about other people, and that is something listeners of braggarts dislike[2].
Indeed, this also shows why it is not helpful to compare yourself to other people. On the one hand, it can make you feel inadequate because others are better, but if you are better than others, are those others bad? Is that how you want to think about your fellow man? As someone who is less than you? How nice is that really?
Research also shows that comparing yourself to others can be a factor in, for example, test anxiety in children. You know the feeling—wondering whether you’ve earned an acceptable grade compared to the rest of the class. Hypnosis has been used to reduce these types of anxieties and their associated symptoms. This has helped reduce test anxiety and improve grades[3].
Comparing yourself to yourself
You sometimes hear that comparing yourself to who you used to be is often better for you than comparing yourself to other people. This can indeed help. It’s nice to realize that you’ve grown since you were twenty, but unfortunately, it’s not always a great solution.
Usually, though, people see their past as something that was worse than the situation they are in now and people see their future as brighter.
So you can compare yourself to your past self, but you can also compare yourself to your future self. For example, you can think about how you'll be in five years if you continue on the path you're on. If that doesn't look good then, you may feel worse again.
But the beauty of the latter is that you can do something about your future. This is another exercise you can get with hypnosis to quickly unlearn unwanted behavior.
For example, comparing yourself to others.
Laughing to make your equation easier
So when you catch yourself in one of those moments when you compare yourself, how do you make it easier when you can take a moment to look at that as an external and laugh at yourself?
So, does comparing yourself to others serve some purpose for you? If you can’t just follow my advice to let go and laugh right away, then there’s a little more work to be done.
For example, having a socratic conversation while under hypnosis can make it easier to figure out why you find it so important to compare yourself to others.
Why do you need to be better at something? Why do you need to earn more? Why do you need to be fitter? Why do you need to be more beautiful?
After all, if you know what benefit it has or what you think it has, you can figure out how to fulfill it in other ways now, without having to be better than other people to do so.
This also improves your relationship with other people, because you don't have to look down on them to achieve your own goals. So people feel that energy and change once you can stop comparing yourself to other people.
You can then use another technique, such as the SWISH technique, to figure out how to show desired (namely, not comparing or more convenient ways to achieve goals) behaviors instead of non-desired behaviors in certain situations. This technique can change unconscious behavior incredibly quickly.
Still, does it take more than that to stop comparing yourself? If so, you can also look at patterns in your life. Such as moments when you compare yourself and especially the moment when the making of that comparison started.
You can do this, for example, through regression. With regression, a hypnotherapist helps you go back to the very first moment when you thought it was important to compare yourself to other people.
Then in your mind you start doing something with that moment, changing your interpretation of the moment. This can do a lot in your unconscious. Then you go back to the now in your mind, but briefly walk through other significant events in your life in which comparing yourself has played a role to view them with your new glasses, your new interpretation.
This can already be incredibly relieving, as it dissolves the idea of comparing yourself.
Would you like to learn more about how hypnosis works? Then join the free online masterclass on hypnosis.
Or enroll directly in one of our training courses where you can learn these techniques to help yourself and others.
Sources:
[1] https://dlab.sauder.ubc.ca/sjdm/presentations/2019-Poster-Hillman-James-Past-Future-Comparison~.pdf
[2] https://lirias.kuleuven.be/1792300?limo=0
[3] https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.1027.7497&rep=rep1&type=pdf