Blushing: Why you do it and how to stop it
Everyone has experienced a situation in their life where you started blushing and didn't really want to. Blushing is your body's reaction to a certain emotion. All kinds of blood goes to your face and neck and before you know it you have a head as red as a tomato.
What many people find annoying is that blushing is disastrous for your poker face. People can tell how you’re feeling in a certain situation without you actually wanting to reveal it. This is because your body reacts to your subconscious.
That way, people can see, for example, that you find giving a presentation exciting; that you ’re attracted to someone of the opposite sex; or that you realize certain behavior isn’t entirely appropriate in a particular situation.
How does blushing occur?
Especially if you are around other people and aware of those other people, there is a slightly greater chance that you will blush. Unfortunately, that chance of blushing is increased if you are afraid of blushing. Not really a helpful fear, then[1].
Most people who struggle with blushing also have social anxiety—the fear that their “anxiety” is visible to those around them. A study comparing people with social anxiety and blushing to those without social anxiety found that the former actually blushed more than others only when watching a video that triggered vicarious embarrassment. However, when having a conversation or giving a presentation, they blushed just as much as people who did not suffer from social anxiety[2].
The nice thing about blushing is that it’s also a bodily response that helps you get away with making a social blunder. So if you make a mistake—like telling a bad joke or doing something else that’s “inappropriate”—but you blush, it makes the people around you more likely to forgive you for that mistake. People will still like you, even though you may have done something that wasn’t very smart.
If you make a mistake, but you don't blush, the social consequences may even be worse, because you won't be "forgiven." This is because you then do not signal that you secretly do know you are doing something wrong[3].
You blush when you become aware that you are doing something that may come across as wrong to the other person. Especially if that connection with the other person is important to you, it makes you more likely to blush.
Actually, you want to flee, but that would have worse social consequences than staying put. So you keep standing and then blushing shows that you are aware of your social mistake[4].
Fear of blushing
So fear of blushing is not necessarily something that is necessary, but it can still bother you. Fear of blushing is often related to social anxiety. Research also shows that if children blush more often they are more likely to suffer from social anxiety later on. This study first looked at how often children blushed when talking to a stranger when they were 4.5 years old. Then they looked at their social anxieties when they were 7.5 years old and here they found that correlation(source 4).
So that in itself says nothing about adults and social anxiety and blushing, but it does give clues as to why blushing can be something you fear and that it is a signal of social anxiety.
Part of social anxiety is fear of appearing weird to other people (source 4). Blushing is a state of the body that you cannot control well and about which you may have been teased as a child/adolescent and/or student and therefore can contribute to social anxiety. This can cause you to stop putting yourself is social situations. Most social anxiety begins in people between the ages of 10 and 13 and this can become chronic if not addressed.
The fear of blushing is actually the shame you may feel when you blush. You are then very conscious of blushing and feel that it should not be (which is not true, by the way, blushing is part of being human) and you think you will be judged for it.
Getting rid of blushing
Getting rid of blushing is something that is very normal to want, but as you have read, blushing does not have to be a bad thing. In fact, this can work is your advantage.
But do you still suffer from unwanted blushing is situations where it doesn't work in your favor at all? Then it's time to ask yourself why you are blushing.
- Why is it important that certain people think well of you?
- Why do you think a certain situation or behavior of yours is not good, causing you to blush?
Your ideas about the social costs of blushing are often much more serious than they really are.
The following techniques are used to help people get rid of blushing:
- Confronting anxiety (such as just giving a presentation very often)
- Mindfulness on the task at hand
- Mindfulness in general
- Self-Compassion
- Cognitive behavioral training
- Social skills training
- Education in psyche of blushing (kinda what you're doing yourself right now as you read this)
- Relaxation exercises[5]
Hypnosis and self-hypnosis can also play a role here. For example, you can combine cognitive behavioral therapy with hypnosis. Hypnosis can also help you identify the beliefs you hold about what people notice about you and how much importance they attach to it. If that belief is inaccurate, you can change it through hypnotherapy.
In addition, through self-hypnosis, you can do relaxation exercises , improve self-compassion, and visualize how to handle certain social situations perfectly, which helps reduce anxiety and, consequently, blushing during those social situations.
Helping people who suffer from blushing
Instead, if you are a (hypno)therapist helping people who suffer from blushing, there are a number of techniques you can use to help people get rid of blushing, or at least the fear of blushing.
At least in the preliminary interview, you can already find out in what kind of situations people get bothered by this and with which people they don't want to blush.
You can then use hypnosis to help people identify the root cause. With regression , for example, you can take people back to the very first moment they perceived a problem. These are often moments from childhood, because that is when people begin to form their understanding of how the world works and how they are “supposed” to function within it.
You then go on to help the person do something with that moment so that the memory is retrieved in a different way than usual and so that the belief that blushing is bad can be taken away. You fix the moment, so to speak[6].
In addition, you can incorporate new suggestions that promote self-compassion, self-confidence, and reduce the fear of blushing. These suggestions might include:
"Blushing is very normal, and people often find this amusing," he said.
"Blushing especially works to my advantage."
"It's okay to make mistakes."
"I'm good enough."
These are just examples. Depending on the client's problems with blushing, you can bring other suggestions.
You can also help clients with relaxation exercises, such as visualizing a place where they feel completely safe.
You can then anchor this feeling so they can retrieve this feeling at times when blushing might happen. Then, for example, people can give a presentation or go on a date with more relaxation.
Learning hypnosis against blushing
Would you like to learn more about hypnosis and how you can use it to help yourself and others? Then join the free online masterclass on hypnosis.
Do you want to help people with social anxiety and other issues? Then sign up for one of our courses. The courses are offered live online or in a classroom setting. Choose the format that suits you best.
Instead, do you suffer from blushing and would like to get rid of it? Then visit bestetherapeut.co.uk .
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