Being happy with what you have: Helpful exercises

We often see everything that is going badly and what we don't have (yet). Your house isn't perfect yet, you can't take the vacations you want to take yet, you work too much or too hard. Dissatisfaction with everything that is missing can really interfere with your feelings of happiness.

The influence of social media makes it all worse, as on one side you see your friends showing off their nice vacations and on the other side you get to see many advertisements of goodies on various online shops in your wish list.

In 2 ways, you are then potentially confronted with what you don't have or don't do.

Can you predict luck and buy it?

What's even stranger is that when we make a purchase decision, it's not even always the best decision to be happy about it[1]. In fact, what we do is overestimate how happy we get from certain goals, such as how happy you get from finding a certain job. Or how happy you get from when your favorite soccer team wins.

On top of that, your current state—such as being hungry, tired, or feeling energetic and pleasantly full—influences your expectations regarding future events. This can even lead to regret.

For example, when you go to the store hungry you often buy more sweets or unhealthy foods than you need, which in turn can cause regret the moment you eat too much of them.

Then there is the influence of your memory and of choice. For example, if your work gives you a free trip to Paris or Hawaii, you'll be happy. But can you choose which destination you get to go to? Then you are a little less happy, regardless of the choice you make. Because the grass is always greener on the other side.

Speaking of making decisions, if you predict that something is going to make you happy then you must act to achieve that goal. This is not always easy.

Impulsivity, for example, can cause you to choose something that makes you happy in the short term but not in the long term.

Making choices based on rules or “what’s expected” can also prevent you from making the choice that will make you happiest. Scientists give the example, for instance, of not wanting to waste money. If you then have the choice between a 100-euro trip and a 50-euro trip, you’ll choose the 100-euro trip—even though people say the 50-euro trip is probably more fun.

This goes along with wanting to make decisions rationally, but sometimes your gut just takes you further to become happier by the decisions you make.

Do you ever save stamps at the supermarket? Or air miles for a particular flight? Little things like these often cause you to make a buying decision that doesn't necessarily make you happier, but this in turn is related to a belief that you don't want to miss opportunities or waste money.

Money, by the way, is another thing you can pursue because you think it will make you happy, but so that is not always the best way to be happy with what you have.

Other research also shows that people are happier from experiences than from material possessions[2]. So to be happy with what you have, you can shift your focus from what you can hold onto to what you’ve “done.” A fun trip isn’t usually perfect, but the memory you have of it is—and that memory is what makes you happy.

When you buy something new, it does make you happy at first, but that feeling of happiness often wears off. No matter how expensive the product you bought was. That’s why designer clothes don’t actually make you any happier than a cute shirt you bought at HEMA or Action.

When buying expensive items, you can also suffer from competitive tendencies. Are you buying a new car? Then your neighbors buy an even more expensive new car. Then you might have to "win" again with a new carport, and so it goes on and on, and you don't actually get happy about those "expensive" purchases at all.

Would you still like to shop? Then do so with friends in a real shopping street or mall. Then you have the social aspect as well and it's not just about what you buy. This makes shopping an experience and that makes what you buy more fun, because you have memories of that pleasant afternoon with it (source 2).

So buying and predicting happiness is quite tricky and depends on many factors and influences. Therefore, it is especially important to shift your focus and be mindfull when making decisions.

Gratitude to be happy

One way to be more mindful of what you have is to regularly practice a gratitude exercise. This also helps you be happy with what you have, and it only takes a few minutes a day[3].

For example, you can take a few minutes every day to be grateful for all that you have. Walk through your living room and be grateful for your couch, TV, coffee table, lovely tea mug, your cat/dog, children, view, plants, rug.

You name it. And you'll suddenly realize how nice it all is that you already have it all.

Similarly, you can take a moment to reflect on great experiences you've already had. Maybe you haven't been to Dubai yet, but you have been to France or that one fun weekend in Germany or on Texel.

Mindfulness to be happy

If you focus on what you don't have all the time, you probably focus on it all the time:

1. Fantasize about how you want your life to be.
2. Comparison with others.
3. Missed opportunities from the past.

At least you won't be focusing on the here-and-now and on your own life. With mindfulness, you train yourself to stay in the here-and-now with your attention.

So when you find yourself ruminating about opportunities from your past, or having jealous thoughts about someone who does seem to have everything or that one car you've been dying to buy, focus back on your breathing and what you're doing right now.

This even helps to change the neural connections in your brain, allowing you to focus more on your own life and, as a result, become happier[4].

Living by your values

It also helps boost your sense of happiness to live according to the values that are important to you. Research shows that people who are committed to their personal values and strive to live by them are often happier than those who put their values on the back burner.

Before this, it was important to accept yourself as you are.

In addition, other factors such as exercise, not smoking and eating healthy also played a role, but so did living by your own values[5].

This is often something people find difficult, because beliefs can prevent you from being your true self. In cases like these, a hypnotherapist can help you identify your values and pinpoint what’s preventing you from living according to those values.

Perhaps there is a conflict in how you think you should function in the world and how you actually want to function. This conflict can be resolved with parts work. For example, part of you then wants to go one way, while another part of you wants to go the other way.

You may notice this, for example, if you get stressed because you have a poor work-life balance.

Thereby, hypnotic relaxation in itself can also do much to improve your feelings of being happy[6].

Learn Hypnosis

Do you want to make yourself and others happier? Then hypnosis can be an incredibly valuable addition. If you have taken all of our courses, you may even call yourself a hypnosis practitioner.

Come to our free master class for an introduction to hypnosis.

Or request the free MP3 for a self-hypnosis experience.

Check out our calendar for our events and course start dates.

Would you like to learn more about the training program? Click here.

Have a question about our trainings? Schedule a 1-on-1 consultation here.

You can take the training both in class and live online (onlive). Ideal if you don't live in the Netherlands or travel frequently.

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