A party? No thanks. A quick drink with your colleagues after work. No thanks. This is a pattern that can occur in people with avoidant personality disorder, but why is this and is this now something to do something about? Read about it in this blog.
Evasive personality disorder
People with avoidant personality disorder suffer from social anxiety. As a result, they have social barriers, feel they are not good enough, are very sensitive to negative feedback, and because of this, they avoid social interactions.
Most people avoid social interactions at times, but if you suffer from OPS, you fear that people will ridicule you, criticize you or reject you. You feel you are not good enough, not developed enough, are afraid that other people will not like you and that people will think you are ugly.
These fears create thoughts during social situations, such as when you meet with friends or at work, which can make you feel very anxious.
As a result, you avoid social activities, which prevents your social skills from being further developed.
People with this disorder therefore often live isolated in the world. A world they would like to be part of, but which is too scary for them.
To still have a nice life, people with this disorder often find hobbies and activities they can do alone. This only makes the spiral of isolation worse.
These characteristics are often seen in people who suffer from OPS:
- Exaggerate difficulties and dangers of things outside your routine.
- Almost complete mistrust and lack of intimacy with people outside your regular circle. Rejection of activities where you have a lot of personal contact.
- No desire to commit to people if you have no assurance of acceptance. Extremely sensitive to criticism and rejection or if something is not accepted.
- Fear of blushing or crying in front of other people.
- Reticent in social situations due to fear of saying something that doesn't fit the situation or because you are afraid of not being able to answer questions.
- Tend to perform less than you can and have difficulty focusing on your work and hobbies.
Causes of OPS
Typically, this disorder is diagnosed early in adult life. In addition, there is often a correlation with parental neglect or rejection from one or both parents. In addition, feelings that peers rejected them in childhood are also common.
Those feelings of rejection often come from having character traits that can cause rejection, such as being shy, introverted, having adhd or add and/or having an abnormal appearance.
There are also people who suffer from OPS because their parents were actually incredibly controlling, preventing them from developing their own character.
A case study also shows that a man who suffered from it had been bullied in the past and had developed awkward thinking as a result[1].
Living with avoidant personality disorder
A study in which people with OPS were interviewed about living with OPS revealed that people with this disorder are primarily looking for courage to exist or to be who they are.
Courage to be who they are is about accepting themselves and believing they are accepted regardless of how unacceptable they actually think they are. For example, they may feel that they are not understood by those around them.
They seek confidence, power and freedom.
Seeking confidence is about trusting oneself and trusting that they are as valuable as other people, equally.
Basically, people with this disorder want to live a normal life, that is, with a few friends, a little traveling and shopping. They want to achieve their goals, but are afraid they won't succeed because people don't take them seriously, for example.
To build their own lives, they often still need to figure out what they like and don't like. To do what they like without worrying about what other people think.
Therefore, it can be fun to make a list of things that seem fun for you to do and then use this list to test whether what seems fun to you is actually fun.
In addition, they are looking for opportunities to change and develop themselves. In addition, they also feel that they are lived by the search for treatment and the medication they can get for the disorder (though these were all people currently receiving treatment in Norway[2]).
For example, people with this disorder find it difficult to determine their own state. For example, they feel something, an emotion, but don't know what they are feeling. They can't give it a name. Also, people with OPS find it difficult to assess the state of other people.
In everyday life, people with avoidant personality disorder may find it difficult to make meaning of events, do not feel in control and have difficulty defining their identity. They want to connect with other people, but at the same time are afraid of it.
Treatment OPS
To live with avoidant personality disorder, cognitive behavioral therapy is often used, because you can suffer from a lot of anxious thoughts that don't make any sense at all, and then a little help to change those thoughts can go a long way in making you suffer less from OPS.
Acceptance and commitment therapy and therapy on controlling emotions can also be used.
This is because those thoughts can have a lot of impact on your emotions and actions. For example, if you think you are not good enough for your job, this can cause you to quit your job, when there is absolutely no need to do so.
During therapy, for example, they can reflect on how to deal with certain situations. In cognitive behavioral therapy, you can also combine it with hypnosis[3]. For example, you can visualize how to feel good at work and engage in social interactions with colleagues.
In addition, they can work with the story you tell yourself about yourself. With the help of a hypnotherapist, you can gain insights into what of that story is actually true and what in the process may be thoughts that are not true at all. Sometimes having a different perspective is already something that can be used to look differently at certain feelings and problems[4] and make symptoms disappear (source 1).
Story can play a role in multiple ways with hypnosis. For example, with regression, you can go back to the first moment when you suffered from the feeling of anxiety you may now have in social situations. Because this feeling ultimately comes from a certain belief you have about how life works and how you can function in it. These beliefs often originate in childhood.
With regression, you go back to the first time you had that feeling and revisit that moment with today's knowledge. For example, you can empathize with people who were also there at that moment. Because you understand more of the world now than you did then, this can already do a lot to address your beliefs and therefore your fears.
Since there is evidence of unpleasant things that happened in childhood that can lead to OPS, you can also have the conversation with your inner child. In that conversation you can tell your inner child, for example, how you are doing now and that everything has actually turned out fine. That certain protective mechanisms may be released because they are no longer needed.
These conversations with your inner child can also do much to release beliefs that are holding you back, making you less afraid of rejection.
In addition, building self-confidence is important, so you also get the courage to do things and be social. This can also be done with visualizations where you can imagine how to behave in a social situation and how to eliminate fear.
In addition, affirmations can be used or you can repeat suggestions, such as:
"I'm good enough."
"When I am myself, I attract people who fit that."
"I can do anything."
"I get to try new things."
These are just examples. Depending on your fears and problems with your self-confidence to live the life you actually want to live, you may get other suggestions from a hypnotherapist.
In addition, you can also get post-hypnotic suggestions to help you with your feelings after the hypnosis session. This then reinforces the results.
Positive feelings or calm feelings can also be anchored with you, allowing you to bring that feeling to the surface when a social environment becomes too much for you for a while.
Want to learn more about hypnosis and how you can use it to help yourself or others? Then come to the free online master class.
Or enroll in one of our training courses. Ideal if you are a coach or want to work as a hypnotherapist.
Just need help? Then visit bestetherapeut.co.uk.
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