Why Your Fear of Public Speaking Is Actually a “Brilliant” Solution (and How to Reset It in 3 Minutes)

Today we’re going to talk about something that secretly keeps a lot of people up at night. Because let’s be honest… Do you ever find it nerve-wracking to speak in front of a group?

Maybe you’re really good at one-on-one conversations. When you’re at the bar with your friends, you’re the life of the party, and during a meeting with just one colleague, you talk until you’re blue in the face.

But as soon as we put you in front of a group and the spotlight is shone on you for a presentation… Oh no. That’s when the jitters set in. You break out in a sweat, your heart races like crazy, and you really just want one thing: to run away as fast as you can.

Know that you’re not alone. I recognize this better than anyone. It’s really not as if I’ve always been fearless on stage—far from it, in fact! Back in the day, public speaking was an absolute nightmare for me.

These days? Now I genuinely enjoy it. Of course, there’s still some healthy tension now and then, but that’s more like a kind of excitement—a pleasant, healthy tension that keeps you on your toes.

During the recent Summer School , I led an incredibly interesting session on this topic. I grabbed a whiteboard and drew a few circles to dissect the problem with razor-sharp precision. And what emerged from that will change your perspective on fear forever.

Watch the video:

The Anatomy of Your Fear: What Does It Do for You?

When we start working with hypnosis or coaching, we always begin at the beginning: we explore the problem. So, on the whiteboard, I draw the middle circle. This is the problem we see on the surface: fear of speaking in front of groups.

When I ask people, “What does that fear of speaking in front of groups actually do for you?”, nine times out of ten they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind.

"Absolutely nothing, Edwin! It just brings me misery, stress, and hassle!"

I get that. But we need to dig deeper. So I ask further:

• Edwin: "Okay, and what do you get out of being stressed?"
• Client: "Well, then I’ll just avoid it. I’ll just skip that presentation."
• Edwin: "And what do you gain by avoiding it?"
• Client: "Well, it’s simple… then I don’t have to do it."
• Edwin: "And what’s the point if you don’t have to do it?"
• Client: "Yes, then I’ll just calm down again. Then everything will be normal."
• Edwin: "And what does that peace of mind do for you?"
• Client: "Safety."

The Positive Purpose of Fear

Boom. There it is. Safety. We’ll write this in the top circle on the flip chart.

Almost every fear we experience as human beings has a positive intention underlying it. And in 99% of cases, that intention is safety. Your subconscious uses that intense fear to protect you from something it labels as unsafe.

So what does your brain do? It makes you sweat, stutter, and get heart palpitations, so that next time you’ll be careful and just avoid that presentation altogether. So your fear actually keeps you safe. At its core, that’s actually very kind of your brain! But in the meantime, it keeps you completely trapped.

Of course, you could decide to just “power through” it. You put on an extra sweat shirt so no one sees your sweaty armpits. You take a deep breath and just go for it. But let’s be honest: that’s exhausting. It completely drains you, both mentally and physically. And that makes sense, because you’re fighting against your own biological defense system.

EP: The Real Problem (and the pain we avoid)

Now let’s move on to the bottom dot on the flip chart. In hypnosis, we call this the EP: The Real Problem.

During the session at the Summer School, I probed deeper into that underlying feeling. Because why does speaking in front of a group actually feel so unsafe? What happens inside you the moment all those eyes are focused on you?

The answer was painful, but so relatable:

"At that moment, I feel myself getting very small. I look up to those people so much. I feel worthless. “As if I have nothing to contribute. As if I’m worthless.”

When you ask, “How long have you been feeling that way?”, the answer is almost always, “Oh, my whole life, really. Ever since I was a little kid.”

This is the real crux of the matter. This is the Real Problem.

As a child, you once concluded that you were small, unimportant, or worthless. To avoid feeling that deep, terrible pain, your subconscious came up with a brilliant “solution”: fear.

Because as long as you’re afraid to stand in front of a group, you don’t have to do it—and you won’t be confronted with that deep sense of rejection or worthlessness.

People who suffer from anxiety disorders or panic attacks often say that anxiety is hell on earth. And believe me, I know—it really is. But on a subconscious level, there’s one thing even worse for our brains than anxiety: total meaninglessness, pure worthlessness.

That feeling that you don’t belong there and would rather vanish off the face of the earth. That pain is so intense that your brain prefers to choose fear. It’s a terrible choice, but your subconscious always chooses the “safest” option to shield that deep core of pain.

How to Break This Cycle: The 3-Minute Reset

Once we understand this, we can get started. We now realize that this feeling of worthlessness is actually a cry for safety, and that fear has wormed its way in like a lightning rod.

What we’re going to do now is use that sense of safety as a resource to resolve that old feeling of worthlessness once and for all. This is exactly the method I’ve described in my book *The 3-Minute Reset*.

The Realization: It’s Already Happened

The very first step in this process is realizing that the danger has long since passed. It’s already happened. You’re an adult now. You’ve grown up. You’re no longer that small, vulnerable child from the past who depended on the approval of the whole class or your parents to survive.

Sometimes clients say, “Yes, but Edwin, I’ve never really felt safe in my life.” As therapists, we know that this simply isn’t true. It’s a generalization made by the brain. You’ve definitely felt at ease at some point in your life, even if it was just for a second while watching a beautiful sunset, sitting with your cat on your lap, or sharing a good joke with a friend.

So we don’t accept that belief that “it’s never safe.” We search our memories for those genuine moments of peace and comfort.

As soon as the client realizes, “Wait a minute… when I look at it that way, I’ve actually felt safe and okay quite often, ” the magic begins. The old reality starts to crumble.

Reprogramming Your Subconscious

Now the hypnosis begins. We’re going to reprogram the subconscious with information that’s actually been there all along. Think of it this way: you have different subpersonalities[1] within yourself.

Most of you know full well that there’s nothing wrong when you’re standing in front of a group. But there’s one small part of you—the part that’s stuck in childhood—that panics every time and takes control as soon as you have to step onto the stage.

We’re going to update that specific part[2]. We’ll show that you’re an adult now, that you’re safe, and that you’ve experienced many meaningful moments. We’ll use real memories from your life to help that part of you realize: “Hey, it’s okay now. I don’t have to hide anymore.”

And boom. The particle grows. It integrates. Done. You have a brand-new, solid foundation.

Why Testing Is the Real Secret

This “3-Minute Reset” process happens in the blink of an eye. And that’s fantastic, but it also presents a challenge. Because if you’ve been terrified of groups for thirty years, and suddenly that fear is gone after a short session… Who would believe that?

Almost no one! Your conscious mind simply cannot process that rapid change right away. Reality, as it were, still needs a little time to adjust.

And that’s why we at the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands work with an incredibly comprehensive testing protocol. Testing is the absolute key to lasting results.

As a therapist, you shouldn’t settle for a client who says, “Wow, I don’t feel it anymore right now.” That’s nice for now, but what about tomorrow? To truly embed the change deep within the brain, we actively seek out and challenge the fear while in a trance. We try to deliberately “bring the feeling back to the surface,” so to speak.

When the client notices , “Huh? I’m trying to bring up that fear, but I just can’t do it anymore… I still feel calm, ” something incredible is happening in the brain. At that moment, the brain confirms to itself that the change is real.

From a forest trail to a two-lane highway

Think of the neural pathways in your brain as roads. The path of fear you’ve been traveling for thirty years has become a wide, paved highway. Your brain recognizes that route immediately and chooses it automatically, because it’s the path of least resistance (the most energy-efficient).

If, after a session, we’ve only created a small, fragile “forest path” of calm, your brain will still shoot back onto that familiar highway of fear the next time you give a presentation.

Through in-depth exploration of hypnosis, we often find ourselves mentally driving down that new forest path. We pave it, lay asphalt on it, and in no time turn it into a sturdy two-lane highway.

Once your brain has a choice between two easily navigable highways, it will always choose the route that offers the most pleasure and the least stress. Because that’s where your brain really shines!

Take advantage of them!

So, are you about to stand in front of a group and feel the tension rising? Then remember that this fear isn’t a glitch in your system, but a slightly overprotective attempt by your brain to keep you safe from an old, deep-seated pain. But you’re an adult now. You’re safe, and you’re invaluable.

Want to get started with this in a more practical way? Join us at the summer school or attend a free masterclass on hypnosis.

Be sure to check out our calendar for our events and training courses if you’d like to get hands-on experience.

Do you have a question about our training program? Schedule a one-on-one consultation here.

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