Why you're not changing (yet): The invisible chains of your unconscious program

Do you ever get that? You have a great plan. This year you're really going to do things differently. You're going to eat healthier, exercise more, quit that one bad habit or finally make that career switch you've been dreaming about for years.

You start off in good spirits, but after a week or two you notice those old traits creeping back in. Before you know it, you are back on the couch with that bag of chips or yelling at the kids, even though you had promised to remain calm.

How can that be? Why is change so damn hard?

Today we’re going to talk about the number one reason why people never really change. And I’ll let you in on a secret: it’s not because of your willpower.

It's all down to your unconscious programming. It's that simple.

Also watch the video:

The holy trinity: nature, nurture and genetic nurture

Look, let's start at the beginning. When you are born, you are given a package. 20,000 genes from your mother, 20,000 from your father. Just mix and match and tadaa: there you have a beautiful human being. We call that nature. Your blueprint.

But then it only begins. You get educated. Hopefully by those same people, but it doesn't always have to be that way. That's nurture.

And then there's another factor we talk about far too little: genetic nurture. That's the environment you grow up in. The culture, the neighborhood, the socioeconomic status of your parents. All those factors combine to form the result you see in the mirror every morning.

And let's face it: those results probably don't always get better as the years go by. No, of course I hope not, but it is possible. Sometimes you think: "Yes, but Edwin, it's genetic, I can't help it. But therein lies the opportunity!

Today, we know from epigenetics that genes aren’t set in stone. They can be turned on and off by your environment and your behavior ( 1). But what I want to focus on today is nurture and genetic nurture. That’s where the greatest opportunities for your transformation lie .

The contagiousness of your environment

Let’s tackle that last one first: genetic nurture—in other words, your environment. Environment is so incredibly important. Back in the day, people used to say to me, “You become like the people you hang out with.” And that’s the absolute truth. You’re influenced by the people around you, whether you want to be or not.

But here comes the crux: it's not easy to break up with those people. Even if you know they are a bad influence on you. Get away from them.

I’ll use myself as an example. For years, I was addicted to alcohol and drugs. All my friends were addicted, too. An outsider might easily say, “Well, Edwin, why don’t you just quit?” Yeah, that’s all well and good, but then I wouldn’t have any friends left. I’d be all alone.

Which is worse? Bad friends or no friends at all? For most people, and for me then too, the loneliness of "no friends" is much more frightening. If you quit your addiction, but you stay in that same environment, sooner or later they will pull you down again. And when you leave that environment, at first you have no one at all. This is exactly why quitting an addiction or a persistent pattern is so terribly difficult.

Method 1: "Going with that Cadaver" (The 66-Day Rule)

Fortunately , you always have a choice. You can choose a different environment. I used to be absolutely no CrossFit enthusiast, but now I am. Why? Because I started going to a CrossFit box. I was lucky enough to surround myself with people who pushed me.

There are roughly two ways to break through your unconscious program. The first way is what I call, "Go with that cadaver." Just do it. Even if you don't feel like it. Especially when you don't feel like it.

Scientific research shows that it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit ( 2). And keep in mind: that’s 66 days in a row. So it’s not just dabbling a little twice a week. No, it’s every day.

When I started crossfit, I did a workout every day for three months. Sometimes it was a long session, usually not. It wasn't about the intensity, it was about the habit. After those 90 days, it was in. It became an unconscious automatic program. If I don't go now, it feels weird.

Are you missing a day in those early stages? Then science basically says: you have to start all over again. That sounds harsh, but that's how your brain works. You have to wear out that new track in your brain deeper than the old track.

What helped me? The environment—and this works for many people ( 3). We were in a group chat, and I saw others posting their workouts. Then I thought, “Oh man, I haven’t done anything yet.” So I put on my shoes and went. That social pressure shifted my subconscious mindset from “I don’t feel like it” to “I’m going.”

Now, in 2026, I'm still doing it. Not every day anymore, but two or three times a week. Is it perfect? Could it be better? Sure. But it's good enough. And that's an aspiration I grant you too: good enough. We don't all have to become the elite, but aiming for the top is never wrong.

Method 2: Hypnosis and the 'Shortcut' of modeling

The second way to change is much faster: hypnosis. Under hypnosis, you can directly adjust that unconscious, automatic program.

I applied this myself when I did Aikido. I achieved my black belt in three years. How? Of course I was going to train, because your body has to be able to physically perform those patterns. But I didn't train more often than others. What I did do was put myself into hypnosis every day.

I used a technique we call Deep Trance Identification (DTI). I imagined an Aikido master—someone whose skills I wanted to emulate. In deep hypnosis, I stepped into that person. I became that master. I felt how he moved, how he thought, how he reacted. As a result, I unconsciously copied all kinds of subtle skills that you normally only pick up after years of training. My learning curve shot straight up: whoosh!

The beauty of setting goals through hypnosis is that you are installing a new program. But beware of finite goals. If you achieve your goal, what is left?

I set a goal for myself: I still want to be able to deadlift 200 kg at age 80. Well, I'm nowhere near 80 and I'm not pulling that 200 kg now, believe me. But because that goal is so far in the future, the program keeps running in my head.

I have to keep training, though, or I'll never make it. Should I find at 78 that I'm not getting anywhere near it, my unconscious will probably automatically step up a gear. And if I make it? Then I'll shift the goal to 220 kg at age 90. Do you see what I mean?

The glasses of your beliefs

Another reason people don’t change is because they’re stuck in their “nurture”—their upbringing and the beliefs they’ve acquired from it.

"We see the world not as the world is, but as we are."

Imagine you are wearing glasses with transparent lenses. You don't even realize that you are wearing those glasses. Those glasses, those are your beliefs and your values. What you believe about the world and what you think is important determines what you see.

For example, freedom is very important to me. So my brain constantly filters the world looking for ways to be freer. Someone else may find security more important. Who sees no opportunities for freedom in the same situation, but rather risks that compromise security. Both look at the same world, but see something completely different.

The same goes for how we look at people. I believe that people are fundamentally good. That everyone has a story that explains their behavior. Is that the absolute truth? You can argue about that. But it is my truth, and because of that I see good people everywhere.

The file of the 100 babies

I often give an example in our training courses. Suppose we have 100 babies lying side by side. Statistically speaking, we know that 20 of them will develop an anxiety disorder, 20 will become depressed, one in three will eventually get divorced, and two are essentially psychopathic. There might even be a future serial killer among them.

When you walk by there, you don't see it. You can't say, "Well, that baby does cry a lot, that's probably going to be the piss-pot of the neighborhood." We don't know.

But now turn to parents. Look at their behavior, their appearance. Suddenly your guess gets a lot better. Why? Because you see the nurture.

And if I also give you the records of the whole family, how the grandparents were raised, what traumas were involved, what patterns were passed down from generation to generation, you are probably very close to the truth.

Does this mean we are programmed robots? No, thankfully not entirely. But we are to a very large extent. That imprinting from childhood is so strong that it colors your entire reality.

How do you change your mind? The 30% rule

If you want to believe something different, you can use the “cadaver method”: repeat, repeat, repeat. Affirm a new belief for 66 days. But there’s another interesting method that researchers have discovered.

How do you change an opinion, in yourself or another person?

If you give someone a little counter-information, let's say 10%, it often backfires. Suppose you think politician X is great and someone says, "Yes, but he did this and that wrong." What do you do then? You get defensive. You think he's even more awesome and you think the other person is an idiot who doesn't get it. You dismiss it as fake news. After all, your brain wants to be right, not lucky.

But. when you expose yourself to 30% more information that proves otherwise, only then does something begin to shift. Then you can revise your opinion.

That means actively seeking other opinions. Are you on the right? Look at left-wing arguments without immediately ranting. Are you on the left? Immerse yourself in the right. At first you will feel resistance, that is your unconscious program wanting to win, but if you persevere with an open mind, your worldview will change.

Social media is terrible in this because those algorithms only feed you what you already find. You're in an echo chamber. If you really want to change, you have to get out of that room.

From construction worker to author: Things can change

I myself am living proof that you can rewrite your programming. I used to be an addicted construction worker. That’s who I was; that was my identity. Today, I am neither of those things anymore. I no longer touch alcohol or drugs, and I outsource every chore around the house.

My publisher used to say to me, "Edwin, you are not an author." I have since written several books. How? By changing my beliefs. By installing, "I'm an author. I'm an athlete. I am a hypnosis expert."

You can do this yourself. You can use hypnotherapy to install new beliefs and begin to care about other things. You learn to see the world through a different lens, and as a result, your world literally changes instantly.

What will you do?

You now have the tools. You now know why that change may not have worked until now. It wasn't your fault; it was your program. But now that you know, it is your responsibility.

• Do you go for the hard way ("Go with that cadaver") and stick with it for 66 days?
• Going for the fast track and diving into hypnosis to rewrite your program?
• Will you take a critical look at your environment and break away from the people who bring you down?

Whatever you do, do something. Learn the skills. Take a course, read my books like *You Don’t Have It, You Do It * or *Break Free*. Listen to them as audiobooks on Spotify or Storytel while you’re at the gym.

Did you find this interesting? Give me a thumbs up or leave a comment somewhere, I always love to read that. And don't forget to subscribe, because of course you don't want to miss anything from this daily dose of input.

Learn Hypnosis

Would you like to use hypnosis to help change yourself and others? Come to the free masterclass for an introduction.

Or sign up right away for one of our training programs and events.

Have a question about the training? Schedule a 1-on-1 consultation here.

Sources:
1. https://www.cell.com/trends/neurosciences/fulltext/S0166-2236(22)00189-8?.

2. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-22273-010

3. https://arxiv.org/pdf/2501.01779