Why letting go of control saves your life (and your brain)

Let's face it. You're a control freak. Or well, you try to be. You hold the reins so tightly that your knuckles turn white. You think that if you just plan hard enough, check, double-check and worry about tomorrow, that you will be safe. That you can tame the chaos of life.

But can I ask you a question? How does that feel in your body? That lump in your throat, that tension in your shoulders, that head that just won't stop grinding.... does that feel like safety?

No, of course not. It feels like a prison.

And the funny thing (or actually the tragic thing) is: the harder you try to stay in control, the less control you have. You are not the captain of the ship. You are the guest desperately hosing a bucket of water overboard while the ocean just does what the ocean does.

It's time to flick that bucket in the water. It's time to learn how to let go of control, not because you "have to" from some mindfulness coach, but because it's the only path to true mental freedom.

The illusion of control: A recipe for misery

We are born with a deep need for predictability. Our brain is a prediction machine. But we have gone overboard. We confuse "influence" with "control. You have influence over your actions, but you have zero control over the outcome. When you try to control the outcome, you create an internal war.

Research shows that an excessive need for control is directly linked to a deterioration in your mental health. It is a heavy burden on your nervous system. People who want to control everything outside themselves (an external locus of control in terms of outcomes, but an internal compulsion to control) experience much more psychological stress[1].

Why? Because the world doesn't listen. And every time the world doesn't do what you want, your system gets a shock. Your brain says, "ERROR! Danger!" And there you go, spiraling down.

The Three Horsemen of the Control Apocalypse: Anxiety, Depression and OCD

If you don't let go of that need for control, an unsociable trio is knocking at your door.

1. Fear: The monster of "What if? Fear is simply the lack of confidence in your own ability to deal with what is coming. If you want control, you want to "fix" the future now. But the future doesn't exist, so you are fighting a phantom. This constant "on" of your survival mechanism exhausts you. You live in a permanent state of readiness for a disaster that will probably never come.

2. Depression: The exhaustion of fighting Depression is often the time when your system says, "I can't take it anymore." You have spent so long trying to mold the unmanageable reality that you have become emotionally bankrupt. The feeling of helplessness that comes when your attempts at control fail is a direct highway to a depressed state. You withdraw because the world is "too much.

3. OCD: The ultimate control trap And then we have OCD ( Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). This is control on steroids. It is the belief that if only you wash your hands often enough, check the gas or think certain thoughts, you can avoid catastrophe. It is magical thinking that comes from deep insecurity.

You get caught in a loop of compulsion because you can't bear the uncertainty of existence.

Acceptance is not surrender, it is strategy

People often think that letting go means that you don't care about it all anymore. That you become a kind of passive plant that just lets everything wash over you. Nonsense.

Acceptance is active recognition of reality. It is saying, "Okay, this is the situation. I don't like it, but it ís there." The moment you stop fighting against reality, energy is released. Energy that you previously used to push the wall away, you can now use to climb over the wall.

Acceptance causes your cortisol levels to drop. Your brain switches from survival mode to creative mode. You begin to see that you don't break down when things go differently than planned. You discover a deeper kind of self-confidence: the confidence that you will get back on your feet no matter what.

The power of hypnosis: The back door of your brain

Now I hear you thinking, "Edwin, that sounds nice, but how do I do it? My head won't stop grinding!"

And that's where hypnosis comes in. Talking about letting go happens in your conscious brain. But your need for control? That one is baked deep in your subconscious. It's a survival program running somewhere in there on the hard drive. You can tell yourself "let go" until you see blue, but if your subconscious thinks control equals survival, nothing is going to change.

Hypnosis is the tool we use to open that back door. In a state of trance, we bypass that critical factor that wants to analyze and control everything. We go directly to the source.

Why hypnosis works for control-letting go:

1. Reprogramming fear: We can make the subconscious mind realize that the very control it is trying to exert creates danger (stress) rather than preventing it.
2. Deep relaxation at the cellular level: For a control freak, true relaxation is often terrifying. In hypnosis, you experience that it is safe to loosen the reins. You teach your system that "not-doing" is also an option.
3. Access to new resources: Research on hypnosis shows that it can be used effectively for a variety of psychosomatic and mental complaints. It helps people find a new internal balance.

In addition, hypnosis is not "hocus pocus. It is a science-based method of harnessing the brain's plasticity. There are numerous studies that support the effectiveness of hypnosis for anxiety and stress-related disorders, teaching the patient to reduce internal pressure[2].

One of the most beautiful aspects of hypnosis is the way it uses the influence of suggestion to change the perception of control. Instead of fighting a symptom (such as anxiety), in hypnosis you learn to change your relationship with that symptom. This is also called the "social cognitive" approach to hypnosis, where you learn that you have much more ability to influence your own state of being than you thought, but in a relaxed way[3].

The benefits: What does it get you?

Imagine you wake up and you no longer feel that pressure on your chest. You look at your to-do list and instead of panic you feel a calm focus. Something goes wrong at work, and instead of a mental breakdown you think, "Interesting, how are we going to fix this?"

This is what happens when you release control through techniques such as hypnosis and self-hypnosis. The benefits are enormous:

• Better sleep: Your brain no longer needs to save the world at night.
• Better relationships: You stop trying to control the people around you (which, by the way, they will really like).
• Physical health: Less stress means a lower risk of cardiovascular disease and a stronger immune system. Complementary medicine research shows that interventions such as hypnosis have a significant positive impact on overall well-being[4].

Jump into the deep end

The world is chaotic. People are unpredictable. The economy is a yo-yo. And you might go flat out tomorrow.

And you know what? That's okay.

Real power is not in avoiding the storm, but in learning to dance in the rain. Letting go of control is the ultimate act of self-love. It is the recognition that you are good enough to tackle whatever life throws at you, without having to direct it in advance.

Want to get out of that mental prison? Then stop polishing the bars. Use methods like hypnosis to show your subconscious that it's safe to open the door. Step outside. It may be a little unpredictable there, but trust me: the air is much fresher.

Release it. Now. And watch what happens. You'll be amazed at how well the world keeps turning even when you're not at the controls.

Learn Hypnosis

Are you ready to relax those white knuckles and really take back control of your own brain? Then don't wait until the next crisis, take action.

You can start right away with my free master class on hypnosis, where I show you exactly how that back door of your subconscious works.

Do you really want to make meters? Then sign up for one of Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' events or trainings.

There you will learn the techniques to free not only yourself, but others, from that stifling urge to control.

And still have doubts or questions about which training best suits your path? Then schedule a 1-on-1 consultation with one of our experts.

Stop fighting against the current and learn how to use the current to get where you want to be.

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