When life is too hard.
Can you sometimes feel very alone. Even though you have a loving family that wants to be there for you, you can feel an unbridgeable distance and it makes you feel lonely. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to make life less hard and deal with it in a more playful way.
In this blog, I discuss techniques you can use to make life less difficult
Signs that you’re having a hard time. Of course, whether life is hard is subjective. What constitutes a hard life is different for everyone because your beliefs about how easy life should be determine whether or not you’re having a hard time.
There are some factors that can make you verify that life has become too hard, you then feel that in your life you have a lot of downs, of deep valleys and it is very difficult to get out of them.
Maybe you feel like a bad person, too. You can do more for your family and for your friends, that's the feeling in this.
You feel like a victim of circumstances and feel that there’s nothing you can or could do about it.
Do you recognize yourself in this picture? Then you should especially read on, as there are several steps you can take independently.
If you find the above situation recognizable, chances are you are very strict with yourself and have all kinds of negative thoughts. For example, this could be the thought that when you wake up in the morning that your day is already starting badly because it is cold, or because just now your favorite breakfast is not in the fridge.
Start the day with meditation
A great way to start your day is with meditation. Meditating in the morning helps reduce stress and teaches you right away that thoughts are just thoughts—not facts.
When you first start meditating, it can be quite difficult. You sit or lie in bed and focus on your breathing for 5 to 10 minutes. You try not to think, but you’ll soon notice that you do think—and quite a lot, actually.
When you get a thought try to create distance from that thought by naming the subject of the thought and the emotion you have with it. Then focus on your breathing again. You can also write down the topic and emotion to find out which parts of your life you are actually least satisfied or most satisfied with.
As you meditate more you also learn to ignore thoughts and even to not think.
Mindfulness
Another way to deal with thoughts differently is through mindfulness. The meditation you just read about is a specific mindfulness exercise. You can also practice mindfulness outside of meditation, simply in everyday situations.
What mindfulness is all about is being aware of your thoughts.
For example, you are working on something and you notice that you are starting to think very negatively. You're not doing folding laundry right, you're not good enough or whatever.
When you notice this take a few deep breaths and focus on what you are doing. You focus on the input your senses are giving you. The sound in your environment, how something feels in your hand, what you see, but at least not what you think.
This is also a way to better ignore and quiet that critical little voice in your head.
This alone can make life a lot easier.
Hypnosis
Unfortunately, mindfulness and meditation don't always work. This is because beliefs you have about how life should be have a lot of influence on what you think and how you feel.
Quieting and ignoring such a critical self-voice often works a bit in the short term, but in the long term, this may be exactly what doesn't work. Because the underlying reason for feeling that you have a hard life is not removed.
A hypnotherapist can help you change your beliefs so you can view life in a more playful way—something that helps reduce stress and/or feelings of depression.
Discovering cause beliefs
Initially, beliefs are retrieved. For example, you engage in a conversation with your hypnotist about why you think life is so hard. Then that why question is repeated several times to get to the core of your belief. In some cases, you then discover that your beliefs are based on nothing and you already have a good basis for receiving new beliefs through hypnotic suggestions.
In other cases, a belief may be rock solid. In that case, a hypnotist can use regression to find out when the belief that makes you feel totally stuck now was created.
With regression, you go back to a memory that has had a major subconscious impact on your life. Many beliefs form when you’re in elementary school. As a result, the outcomes of regression can be quite surprising—especially because, as a child, you didn’t yet have the knowledge you have now, yet that belief hasn’t changed despite all that new knowledge.
Through regression, you can look at the event with more emotional distance, allowing you to change the disturbing belief.
Changing beliefs with hypnosis
With regression, it's mainly the adult view of a childhood event that can change a belief already that makes your life a lot lighter.
Should regression not be necessary, you can begin building new beliefs immediately by contrasting hypnotic suggestions with negative beliefs about how tough life is.
For example, your belief is: I can't do anything right.
Then contrast that with, for example:
There is no right or wrong way to do anything.
I can do all kinds of things well, like....
Or
Belief: Life should always have me.
Suggestion:
Life must have everyone, but no one puts it on social media.
Life is 90% how you react to situations.
These are just examples of hypnotic suggestions. Depending on your beliefs and the problems you are having with your life, a hypnotist may give you other beliefs to repeat at home or listen to during self-hypnosis.
Exercises to seize the day.
In addition to hypnosis, which is one of the best techniques to get a different less severe outlook on life, there are other exercises you can do to actually see the bright sides of life. Even in bad situations, this is possible.
Exercise 1: Write down daily 3 things you liked about the day.
Through this practice, you learn to shift your focus from what you don't like, to what you do like. Over time, that shift allows you to see life more positively. Such a list can consist of big moments as well as the little things in life, such as:
- The birds that flitted when I woke up.
- The cup of coffee at work as I dozed off.
- The Journey Home.
You may also challenge yourself and write down 5 points a day, but don't make the challenge too big.
Exercise 2: Write down all that you have accomplished in your life.
If you especially think life should have you. Then write down the win moments in your life. For example, the moment you moved out of the house. That you can pay your rent, or that you even bought a house. Moments when you were proud and when you won over life for a while. By writing down this list you will see life in the moment a little less black and white and you can realize that after bad times there are always good times to come.
The list could include:
- The moment I could tie my laces.
- Passing high school.
- Getting my degree.
- My first love.
- My current love (if you have one).
- The moment I became a father/mother/aunt/uncle.
- Getting my driver's license.
- New friends discovered.
- Been on vacation to...
- That one garment/heirloom purchased.
Again, this list can consist of anything you are proud of. So your list does not have to consist only of socially accepted moments of success. Ultimately, you decide when your life has a moment of success and not someone else.
Finding it difficult to perform these two exercises? Then too, a hypnotist can help you figure out what's blocking you.
Would you like to learn more about how hypnosis works and how you can break free? Then check out the Hypnose Instituut Nederland’s calendar of events.