What's best? You don't always know what's best for you
You often assume that if you ask yourself what is best, you can answer that, at least for yourself. But what is best for you is often quite complicated when you take into account everything that is going on in your life
In many situations, it is difficult to determine which outcome will make you happiest. Therefore, it is difficult to determine how best to respond. It also often lacks a yardstick to check what is wise.
What you do is determined by how you view the situation, but what you see isn’t necessarily accurate. After all, what you see is influenced by all sorts of factors, such as your mood and the meaning you assign to certain things.
As a result, what you do isn’t always in your best interest, even though that is your goal.
If you recognize that you don't see your highest interest, you can learn to do so . But if you think you do see what is in your highest interest, you can't learn it.
So we're going to look at how you then see what does your highest interest so you can learn.
So how do you decide what is best for you?
There are a number of interesting things to know about how people make decisions, because that’s what you’re doing when you determine what’s best for you.
You'd say we all have the same brain, but that's not the case.
For example, men have more gray matter in their brains and women have more white matter in their brains.
The gray matter is about processing information. But that white matter, it makes sure all the information is combined properly.
According to scientists, this explains why men are more likely to have tasks related to processing information and women are more likely to have tasks related to combining information (such as in information communication, where information needs to be shared in an understandable way with other people). This is not always the case, of course, but on average.
This does not affect intelligence and performance of thinking tasks, but it does affect the way you make decisions and how you deal with goals.
Men often have a goal and go straight for it, this is especially evident when they need to buy clothes, for example.
While women can adjust their goals in the interim. Also something you can notice when you go clothes shopping with a woman[1].
Exercise:
Given what we know about how men and women set their goals, I imagine this exercise is more difficult for men than for women.
Repeat the idea "I don't see what my highest interest is in this situation."
Next, close your eyes and explore your mind for unresolved issues that are currently causing you concern.
Then you start looking at what your desired outcome is.
You will find that you have multiple goals, on different levels, and that they conflict with each other.
For each situation that comes to mind, name the idea and accurately list as many goals as possible that you would like to see as a solution to the situation.
"In the situation about ... , I would want ... to happen and ... to happen."
Try to name as many different outcomes that honestly come to mind. Even if they seem out of place.
Then you notice that sometimes your goals are conflicting and you don't have a red line in your thoughts.
Sometimes you will also inevitably feel disappointed.
Once you've gone through this, for every unresolved situation you say to yourself:
"I don't see what my highest interest is in this situation."
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Find information to make your view more complete
As mentioned, you often don't see the complete situation. One way to change your view before reacting is to gather information. Information can change how you feel about the situation and thus the actions you take, but this can be either positive or negative[2].
But you must also be careful when searching for information. In fact, your outlook may cause you to seek out too much or too little information.
What's best when it comes to time rather than money
Briefly, there are two choices you make in your life.
Finding information is particularly important when people need to make a decision, and then compromise is often made, whereas with decisions involving money it is less so. Those decisions seem more arbitrary[3].
What's best for your life
Whatever decision you make, you are making a decision that is going to impact your life. Generally, you are trying to make a decision that will make your life better.
But then you have to look at what "a better life" means then. On this, many people think very differently. Where one person thinks that a well-paying job with a fat car is a signal of a good life someone else thinks that developing the spiritual side is a signal of a good life.
This is partly due to the different opinions people have about what makes them happy.
Aristotle already said that a good life is a happy life.
He believed that pleasure, morality (or honor), and well-being are important for achieving long-term happiness[4].
To then make the best decision, it is important to have all the information, then act honorably and be good for your own well-being and enjoyment.
It is then helpful to determine what defines your well-being and what gives you pleasure. You can also identify for yourself what morals you want to live by.
This might still seem a bit vague, but a hypnotherapist can help you discover your deepest beliefs about things like pleasure, well-being, and honor/morality.
You can also say that it's best to double-check certain feelings you have toward someone, because it's morally more convenient as well. Of course, this can be tricky, because it requires you to expose how you think someone thinks or acts, and you can be completely wrong.
Realize then that it is always more convenient to double check and that person also finds it helpful to be better understood than to make a decision while not fully understanding the other person's motivations and actions.
Shifting your perspective
What you do with the exercise is double-check your view of people and change your view of the situation. If you find it difficult to do this independently, hypnosis can also help with this.
For example, a therapist can help you shift your focus from what you find problematic to possible solutions that will help you achieve your personal goals.
Multiple hypnosis techniques are available for this purpose.
Another area where a hypnotherapist can help you is in gaining enough courage or self-confidence to double-check your feelings or your view of others by calmly discussing with them how you see the situation and to see if that’s accurate.
This can be done by repeating suggestions such as:
"I may change my mind."
"I always get to come back to things."
"I get to start the conversation if something is not clear to me," he said.
These are just a few examples. Depending on your uncertainties, you may receive other suggestions to strengthen your ability to view things from a different perspective or to consider other viewpoints.
Visualizations can also often help you feel more confident that you can handle certain situations and take time to think before reacting. So instead of reacting instinctively.
In a guided visualization, you get help, for example, to see such a double-check moment in front of you as it goes absolutely perfectly. You visualize not only what you see and do, but also how you feel and how you feel when everything has gone right.
This helps you demonstrate this desired behavior in reality.
Often you can also get a guided visualization to take home to perform as self-hypnosis.
Would you like to learn more about how hypnosis works? Then join us for the free online masterclass on hypnosis.
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Sources:
[1] https://www.freemanforward.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/HBR-Article_How-Women-Decide_Sept-2013.pdf
[2] https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-019-0793-1
[3] https://academic.oup.com/jcr/article-abstract/34/6/914/1845461
[4] https://www.pdcnet.org/tpm/content/tpm_2011_0053_0085_0090