Now that the weather is getting nicer, it is actually also the time to fall in love. Ultimately, everyone wants love in their lives so it is quite normal to long for it. But if you don't get the love back and the infatuation becomes an obsession you have a problem. According to some experts, you keep repeating some kind of painful moment related to infatuation. So you can develop a kind of infatuation ritual where you obsess over that infatuation every time.
To make sure you can just fall in love again and move on with your life when it is not reciprocated, in this article I will discuss love addiction and what you can do about it.
What are the characteristics of love addiction?
Like drug addiction, love addiction causes you to suffer from dependency(1). Uncertain of your own identity, you can become dependent on another to fulfill your goals, such as getting an identity. Instead of X, you are the Partner of Y. To achieve this goal, a love addict suffers from the following symptoms:
- You're obsessing.
- You imagine the other person as perfect, when rationally you cannot know this.
- You start behaving irrationally, for example, accidentally stalking someone.
- You become dependent on the person you "fall in love" with.
- You become manipulative.
- You need romance.
Obsession
Being obsessive refers to thinking so much about the other person or the life you can have with that person that it distracts you from daily activities. just as drug addiction can do(2). For example, you stop performing your work and put off important things. Maybe you change yourself because you think the other person would want that from you in order to enter into a relationship with you.
Idolize
Idolizing involves you already forming a complete picture of that person, especially how perfect they are. This while you may have only seen that person. It is a bit like wanting love at first sight. In itself, this is very normal behavior, but as with an obsession, these fantasies should not take over when you actually have to get to work.
Irrational behavior
Irrational behavior involves doing weird things to get noticed by the person you are in love with. For example, it's perfectly normal to steal glances and try to strike up conversation to see if your feelings are reciprocated. What is slightly less normal is if you purposely "accidentally" bump into the other person. Perhaps because you want to feel his or her body or because you feel that you can't start a conversation otherwise. At least now you can say sorry. These kinds of plans can eventually lead to you actually stalking the person. No one likes this at all, so that is not the way to hit on someone.
In severe cases, you may want the other person so badly that you even use force or violence to get what you want.
Dependency
Like other addictions, you can become dependent. You are convinced that you can only be happy when that other person is in your life. This allows you to arrange your day in such a way that you connect with that person, even if you only catch a glimpse of them.
Manipulative
If you do manage to enter into a relationship with the person you are in love with in a normal way, then you can start manipulating that person just to keep him/her with you. This is because you may be terribly afraid of losing that person, and instead of trying your best to be the best partner ever, you start manipulating them. You try to talk them into emotions of guilt and worthlessness so they won't leave you.
This actually shows that you don't have much confidence in your own ability. While this is an awful shame because your love is already with you so you have already proven that you are nice enough.
You must be in love
Being single is just something you can't do, and even a long-term relationship proves difficult. Because over time, those feelings in love disappear. As a result, you are always looking for your next romantic encounter. You need the comfort and reassurance of a relationship. You're really not a cheater, but if your relationship breaks up you'll be in a new one in no time.
You are in love with being in love and not even really in love with the other person, but may not be aware of this.
Infatuation is a high and you don't really want to come down.
What are the side effects of love addiction?
The symptoms of love addiction are quite severe, which is why this addiction is problematic. People with love addiction are often unhappy because you think you are worthless without a partner or love from a partner.
As a result, you may have depression, anxiety disorders, low self-esteem and poor self-image. In the process, you may also have violent thoughts and even suicidal thoughts if you suffer from a love addiction.
Low self-confidence and poor self-esteem also explains manipulative behavior.
Test if you have a love addiction
When you're in love it may seem like you have a love addiction, but it really doesn't have to be that way. To check if you might be suffering from a love addiction, I have some questions for you that you can use to check if you are suffering from it.
- Do you hate being single?
- Do you fall in love often and quickly?
- Do you date anyone who shows even the slightest interest in you?
- Have you ever been accused of smothering behavior by your (former) partner?
- When a relationship goes out do you feel this is the end of your life?
- Do you feel uncomfortable or bored when you are alone?
- Feel lonely when you're not in a relationship?
- Do you often worry that your current partner will hurt you as much as your ex-partners?
- Worried about never finding someone to grow old with?
- Do you struggle with discussions and often go on the attack when someone criticizes you (including the silence treatment)?
If you can answer yes to most of these questions, you may be suffering from love addiction.
Now you may think that love addiction is not a problem if both partners are love addicts, but the danger of that, in turn, is that you start controlling each other, which can put you both in social isolation. In addition, people with love addiction often go off on the wrong types, on people who like to control you or where teasing is just a little too often bullying.
Treating love addiction with hypnosis
To ensure that you are happier with yourself and therefore a better partner and enjoy a relationship more, it is important to treat love addiction.
With love addiction, you often suffer from an automatic ritual that was once created to always have a partner. A hypnotherapist can help you get to the bottom of your ritual. A hypnotherapist can then help you break this ritual by showing you how absurd it is.
For example, by reversing the order of a ritual or finding out your triggers of the ritual and showing you if this is a logical consequence after that trigger.
Finding out the cause of love addiction is important to stop a love addiction. For example, you may have a love addiction because you are convinced that you only have a successful life as a couple because that's the way it's supposed to be. With hypnotherapy it is possible to find out where that belief comes from and it is possible to give you new beliefs that will make you not dependent on a partner.
After all, there are plenty of people who live happy lives without a partner or, on the contrary, without controlling the partner they have.
In the process, low self-esteem and lack of being satisfied with yourself is also addressed with hypnosis. You often hear people say that you have to love yourself first before you can love another. This also makes you less concerned with control because you are more convinced of how nice you are and that the other person sees that too.
In addition to building self-confidence through visualizations, hypnotic suggestions and other techniques, for example, you are also given self-hypnosis exercises for this purpose that enhance the effects of hypnotherapy.
Want to learn more about how hypnosis can improve your life? Then come to a seminar or check out Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training programs.
Also, pin this infographic as a reminder:
Sources:
Famke
on Feb 14, 2017Edwin Selij
on Nov 10, 2020Donnatella Daflaar
on 20 Jan 2019Edwin Selij
on Nov 10, 2020Robert Donkers
on Dec 13, 2022