Talking about feelings: Enabling feelings to be expressed

For many people, not being able to talk about their feelings is a problem. Yet expressing feelings is so important for making your life better. After all, if someone knows how you feel, they can take that into account, or they can offer you new insights that make negative feelings suddenly melt away like snow in the sun.

In this blog article, read more about what feelings are, why you can't talk about feelings or problems, and how to learn to talk to your partner if it's difficult right now.

Feelings

We have all kinds of feelings, our emotions, our gut feelings, you even feel what the weather feels like. In fact, you always feel something. Even if you feel numb, that's a certain feeling[1].

Feelings are generally subjective experiences triggered by what you are experiencing or by what you are thinking. The feeling is something you experience within yourself, such as feeling happy, or anxious or something similar.

So those feelings can arise from what you’re going through, such as ultimate happiness when your partner proposes to you, or ultimate sadness when that partner leaves you again for whatever reason .

Your own thoughts can also trigger feelings, and that is often where the power of hypnotherapy lies.

Emotions can be short-lived or long-lasting, such as a brief, intense feeling of fear when you’re startled by something, or prolonged feelings of sadness or happiness. Think of a depressive phase or a phase of being in love.

It’s also important to realize that feelings are often seen as something that resides in your body rather than in your head, unlike thoughts (source 1). Moreover, feelings often have an even greater influence on your life than rational thinking does. For example, many people let their feelings guide them when making a decision , and by no means always rely on reason.

Feelings cannot always be captured in language either (source 1), and hypnotherapy takes that into account as well.

Not being able to talk about feelings

Because feelings are not always easy to capture in language, it is difficult for some people to talk about feelings. There are some people who even block completely when it comes to talking about their feelings.

In fact, about 10% of people find it difficult to determine what emotion they are feeling at any given moment and therefore find it difficult to talk about it.

However, it is true that when people who suffer from this are tested for stimuli and reactions, such as their breathing and sweating, they often react more violently than people who can express emotions well[2].

Being unable to talk about feelings can therefore lead to more stress. If you’re dealing with stress or trauma, talking about it can even help you become physically and mentally healthier[3].

Talking about feelings, however, is not always better for you. In a study of couples in which one of the two had cancer, talking about feelings actually increased stress and reduced functioning. In that case, it was better to stick to the facts to suffer less stress[4]. Researchers also indicated that better advice should be given to couples with cancer, such as about when to talk about feelings and when not to.

Not being able to talk about problems

What is often linked to talking about feelings is an inability to talk about problems. This may be because the problems or negative feelings you have cause feelings of shame , making it difficult for you to talk about them[5].

The annoying thing is that stressful moments, such as when you have a practical problem that can have major consequences, creates negative feelings. Not talking about that then ensures that there is also no help to solve the practical problem[6].

This can even provide more mental and physical problems.

In that sense, shame is a very awkward emotion that can get in the way of solving problems.

Learning to talk to your partner

If you find it difficult to talk about your feelings, this can also impact your social relationships. These relationships are often less fulfilling[7], and the same applies to your romantic relationships.

You do want those to stay good, otherwise a relationship breakup could just be the result of not being able to talk about feelings and problems with your partner.

Good communication is incredibly important in any relationship, both business and personal.

Talking about feelings starts with listening

However, a conversation requires 2 people. So suppose you have a problem with a partner who is not good at talking about his or her emotions, it is also important to consider for yourself: Am I good at listening?

Indeed, being good at listening can encourage your partner to be more open about feelings. For this, accepting your partner, even if he or she does things wrong, is important, and it is important that your partner knows that you appreciate him or her.

In doing so, you also try to get on the same wavelength as the person who finds it difficult to talk about feelings. For this, your body language is also important. Often you unconsciously give signals about what you think of someone. Therefore, the intention with which you listen is important, so that the unconscious signals match that you appreciate the person, accept them and that you really want to listen for a while.

You can repeat what the person has said so they feel understood[8].

Learning to Talk About Feelings: Recognizing Emotions

What often happens - mostly to men - is that they don't get beyond "I feel good" or "I feel bad." That in itself is a start, but it is mostly an insight about the overall feeling a person is having[9].

By looking more deeply at good or bad, more emotions can be named.

One way to better recognize emotions is by using regression . For example, if there’s a problem that triggers a certain feeling, but you can’t quite pinpoint it, you can use age regression to go back to when you were three years old to identify the first time you experienced that feeling. The situation from back then can help make it easier to see what this emotion really is.

Complicated emotions can include:

1. Envy
2. Jealousy
3. Irony (finding something funny and sad at the same time)

This may also be a moment when it’s determined that it’s better not to talk about emotions. By then using other hypnosis techniques, such as a conversation with your inner child or the “fast phobia” technique, you can “repair” the limiting belief that’s blocking you from talking about emotions[10], allowing you to talk about your emotions.

Easier talking about emotions through hypnosis

A moment when it can suddenly become very clear how difficult it is to talk about emotions or feelings is when you receive a cancer diagnosis. Although healthcare has improved significantly over the past 50 years, this diagnosis is still not pleasant to hear.

It often creates many emotions, such as hope for betterment, fear of death, fear of treatment, feelings of hopelessness or depression, who you want to blame, winning a darwin award (even if it's not your fault). All sorts of things.

To help people with cancer go through treatment relatively steadily, it can be helpful to recognize and deal with those emotions. Hypnotherapy is increasingly used as an adjunct to treatment to make the process easier[11].

Hypnotherapy helps you transform your mindset, reduce anxiety, and generally feel better.

If this already helps during such a turbulent period of cancer treatment, it should also do much to improve your handling of emotions in general, right? Then you can then also talk better about your feelings.

Group hypnosis can also help you engage in conversation with peers, so you can already practice talking about emotions there as well. This can include, for example, peers in relationship problems, work problems or problems other than illness.

Learn Hypnosis

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