Staying true to yourself is a fairly abstract concept. Therefore, it is important to first dissect this concept for yourself to make it a little clearer. After all, you may think that if you are not true to yourself, you are actually cheating
Staying true to yourself is currently a fairly popular thing in the Western world. There are even researchers who fear that this makes people narcissistic[1], but that does not have to be the case. It all depends on what you care about. How that is, you will find out more in this blog.
After all, what does being true to yourself mean? Then what does being true to yourself mean? And what does being true to yourself mean?
It is important to dissect abstract questions, because this makes everything clear. Otherwise, you just get stuck in that abstract, that unclear.
What is loyalty?
So loyalty first. Loyalty comes from faithfulness or trust. So will you marry yourself or how can you trust yourself more? If you are not faithful to yourself, you may not trust yourself.
So if you do trust yourself, then it's easy to be true to yourself. So maybe not in some situations, and then you may wonder in what situations you don't fully trust yourself.
What is "yourself?"
So the other path is yourself. What is that? What is yourself, what is the self? You could dissect that into all the things you care about, the things you believe and the things for whom or what you do it for and the roles you have.
You have all kinds of different "selves." Now, for example, I have the role of inspiration. Of course, that's not how I sit at home, nor do I intentionally "inspire" my wife and children.
So now this role is useful, but not necessarily at home. So maybe you have too.
The role of excited partner is not so useful in the supermarket, for example; fortunately, you know how to separate those two roles well.
But what is that "self" then? That's quite a philosophical question, which is why it's hard to stay true to yourself.
Because when you think about it, who are you? Are you the role of mother/father, are you your thoughts, are you your feelings? Not only that, of course. So it's very tricky. It's an all-encompassing concept.
It's almost impossible to encompass. So we made all of that into roles to make it manageable.
When people ask who you are, people often give their name, their job or their role. Whereas I don't ask about that.
Who are you?
Suddenly, then, that's much more philosophical.
So the self consists of those roles, what you care about and what you believe in.
What are your values?
You might say, "Do you trust yourself enough so that you do what matters to you?"
For example, freedom is important to me. It is important to me that I can do what I want to do.
So when I do what I want, you could say I fulfill that value.
But if I myself restrict or allow my freedom to be restricted, then I am therefore not being true to myself. Then you can blame other people: "Yeah, but I only brought some drugs across the border ."
And then suddenly you may find yourself feeling disloyal to yourself. Shit, did I go with that person again, did I start doing that again. Why did you go out, why didn't you stay home. Then that's because that behavior is fulfilling a different value of you in that moment.
So I can also find connection important. So freedom and connection, I also want fun and also growth. Then when someone asks if I feel like going out with them, but I actually have a day to myself I say no. Because it is not convenient for me, because my health is also important to me. I want to stay fit, healthy and energized.
Those last three I didn't tell you about at first.
So they are in the top 10, but not in the top 5. Yes feeling free, dancing, having fun. So I find in going out a lot of my top 5.
Then on Sunday I can regret that I went too far after all.
That's when it kicks in. Then you don't feel free, connected and having fun that Sunday.
But you are therefore being true to yourself when you go out with them. Because if you had stayed home, you wouldn't have had that fun.
So it's just what you care about. And if you actually want to be healthier, then you should have made that health more important than going out and connecting. Or you should have gone out very briefly.
So staying true to yourself is being true to what you value and to the hierarchy of what you value. There is a kind of order of importance in it.
So do you know what you value and in what order those values are for you?
Health, for example, is in my top 10, but not in my top 5.
For example, I would rather be free and unhealthy, than healthy and not free. This is true for me; it may be different for you.
After all, if you know what you care about, you can actively pursue it. I can actively seek to connect with people. I can actively learn more to grow.
So how do you stay true to yourself?
- Step 1: What do you care about right now?
- Step 2: Put it in order of importance.
- Step 3: Get active with this.
Because after those first 2 steps, you know what you have to do.
After that, you also have to trust in it. Do you trust yourself? Do you trust yourself to fulfill those values? That's what you do with step 3.
After all, it's not helpful if you have to wait on others. So on what do you trust yourself with your values? You can.
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/3153109-trouw-blijven-aan-jezelf-hoe-doe-je-dat?play=true
Being yourself at 2 cultures
Another thing you can often experience is feeling like a member of 2 cultures, such as the Dutch culture and another culture. Depending on where you are, you have a self that fits the Dutch culture and a self that fits the other culture. For example, at work you may be more of a cheesehead ? or more so at home.
In any case, it is one thing for people who recognize this that their roles align with the culture. Unfortunately, this has the disadvantage that people who do this are often less trusted than people who minimally adapt themselves to the culture that is currently dominant in the situation in which they find themselves.
Fortunately, explaining this behavior as authentic does allow judgments about reduced trustworthiness, for example, to become less strong, and may even create understanding among people who do not have a multicultural background[2].
Conflict between 2 values
It can sometimes be very difficult to establish a clear hierarchy of values. You can then find yourself in situations where you do things that still don't feel right somewhere. This may even be a pattern in your life.
Then, to gain clarity and remove this feeling, you can seek the help of a hypnotherapist. After all, you have then made something important, something that does not make you happy at all. That, of course, is not helpful either.
This is also known as a blocking belief.
Together with a hypnotherapist, you can find out why you have those blocking beliefs. For example, why do you think money is so important that you can't say no to overtime when you're already teetering on the brink of burnout?
There are multiple ways to do this. Sometimes you actually know it, but it lies quite close under the unconscious surface. In that case, a socratic conversation can help you or even the Swish technique, making it easier to do what you know is right for you.
Sometimes things can also be just a little more difficult, and that's when regression can be the solution. In the case of regression therapy, with the help of the hypnotherapist, you will revisit the moment when a blocking belief occurred.
These are often childhood moments that you just never thought about otherwise. After all, life just goes on and on. But by still reflecting on this with your adult knowledge, you can change the feeling of this moment, which can also remove the blocking belief. After all, you now have a better understanding of the little nuances of life than you had as a child. As a result, you also now better understand what was actually happening at the time.
Want to know exactly how this works and how hypnosis plays a role in it? Then come to the free online master class on hypnosis.
Or enroll directly in one of our training courses to help yourself and others. Ideal if you are a coach or therapist.
Sources:
[1] https://journal.media-culture.org.au/index.php/mcjournal/article/view/953
[2] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550620944049
