Arguing with partner: Hypnosis as a solution

Arguing with your partner is never fun, but it is sometimes said that it is precisely in a good relationship that you argue. So how do you make sure you argue in a healthy way that prevents you from getting into trouble again afterwards over the same issue?

Arguing in relationship

Arguments in a relationship are usually unpleasant, unless you can resolve them in a constructive way using a method that works for both partners. In that case, resolving the argument can significantly reduce tension in the relationship.

In any case, you don’t have to worry that you’re the only one having arguments in your relationship. It’s actually a normal part of relationships. How you argue has a significant impact on how satisfied you are with the relationship, how stable your relationship is, and whether your relationship can change[1].

Sometimes it is not possible to completely solve the problem in one argument, so you end up with a "series" of arguments for resolution. This happens, for example, when one person repeatedly starts an argument, while the other always resists it.

Unfortunately, the arguments in this "series" often become repetitive, especially if there is no actual resolution.

What is interesting, however, is that the “series” can be viewed in different ways. For the person who brings up the topic, the problem—once the arguments have subsided—is seen as something that can be resolved and that is good for the relationship.

For the person who is always resistant, the problem—as the series of arguments continues—is increasingly seen as something that cannot be resolved and that is harmful to the relationship[2].

How do you view arguing in your relationship?

Your beliefs about how good or bad arguments are in your relationship also influence your relationship.

If you don't have a problem with arguments and think they can improve your relationship, this will actually make you look for a solution more and be more open to what your partner is saying[3].

In the process, these people often find relationships more enjoyable and experience a greater degree of personal well-being.

If you believe that arguments are bad for your relationship, this may say something about your attachment style. People with this belief often have an anxious or avoidant attachment style. It also influences the arguments you use during an argument. If you think arguing is bad, you’re more focused on yourself and, during an argument, you try to dominate or deny that you’ve done anything wrong.

The way you attach even affects how you view your partner. For example, if you have an avoidant attachment style, you may be more likely to think your partner is manipulating you, rejecting you or simply not responding to you.

So it is much more helpful on positive beliefs about having an argument with your partner.

Seeking help for arguments with your partner

If you have such a repetitive "series" and you just can't seem to get out of it, it may be helpful to seek help to argue constructively.

This often leads to couples therapy. When people seek couples therapy, the subconscious is often ready to find a solution, but the conscious mind can be an obstacle. That’s why hypnosis can also be a valuable tool for couples therapy, as it helps you connect more deeply with your subconscious.

In this type of setting, you get help to understand each other, for example, by:

1. Role-play each other's communication styles.
2. Gain understanding of each other.
3. Gain empathy for each other.
4. Finding a Solution.

Working on yourself for less arguments with partner

You can also examine your own role. Research on hypnosis for personal development in women shows that it helps women feel more connected to themselves, find a sense of purpose in their lives, and, as a result, experience fewer arguments with their partners[4].

In fact, you may accidentally incorporate your partner into your own identity. Everything your partner does is then suddenly something "you" do, and if that's not what you want, it can cause arguments.

By correctly having an identity that refers only to yourself, which means you don't say "Hi, I'm the partner of X," you help yourself feel less bothered by your partner.

In addition, hypnosis can also help you improve your relationship in other ways, specifically by boosting your self-confidence. Research shows that hypnosis can help you feel more capable and generally improve your mood[5].

Reducing anxiety

As mentioned, your way of bonding can also affect arguments in your relationship. If you have a lot of anxiety about your partner, you may develop awkward habits as a result, which can fuel arguments.

By properly addressing your own fears, you can ensure that you have fewer arguments in your relationship. You can also do this in combination with couples therapy, in which case the therapist will be aware of your fears[6].

So how does hypnosis help?

Hypnosis can therefore help you reduce arguments in your relationship. There are several ways to do this. For example, you can gain insight into each other’s traumas that influence how you interact with one another.

Finding out the origins of limiting beliefs

You can also get to the root of limiting beliefs that make it difficult for you to find a solution together. For example, if you believe that arguing in your relationship is bad, a hypnotherapist can use regression techniques to help you go back to the very first moment that belief arose.

These are often moments from childhood. Perhaps you watched your parents argue, perhaps someone made a comment about a couple who ended up divorcing. It could be anything, but with regression you'll find out where a limiting belief arose for you.

Then the hypnotherapist can update those beliefs[7], making you more likely to believe, for example, that arguing is healthy for your relationship and allowing you to learn how to argue in a positive way.

This technique can also be used to eliminate fears. In this case, the cause of the anxiety is examined.

Putting your partner in the right place

Sometimes arguments with your partner can also come from putting your partner in a higher place mentally, too close or too far away from yourself, for example.

One technique that can be used is the “social panorama.” The idea behind this is that you have a sort of social map in your mind where you place people. You imagine, as it were, an empty space and then visualize where your partner stands, along with your parents, friends, family, coworkers, and perhaps a few other people you vaguely recognize from somewhere.

Sometimes you can put your partner in the wrong place in your mind that doesn't help you with arguments. Like too high, too low or behind you. By placing your partner in the same position as you or in front or behind you (whatever you like), you can do a lot to change your mindset towards your partner and thus your behavior[8].

Perhaps you will become less indulgent than you have been so far if this has caused strife. You may actually become more indulgent than you have been so far. Either way, it will have an effect and that may already improve your relationship.

Visualizations

Visualizations can also be used in conjunction with hypnosis. For example, a memory of a specific argument can be viewed in different ways—such as from the perspective of an observer, or by empathizing with your partner to see how the argument felt to him or her.

This type of visualization can improve understanding and empathy toward each other, and it can give you ideas about how you will address certain problems in the future.

Post-hypnotic suggestions

Then there are also posthypnotic suggestions. These are suggestions that influence your behavior after hypnosis. For example, they can be used to enhance mindfulness during arguments.

For example, you may be suggested to let go of the emotion of the moment of the argument and look practically at the problem so that you and your partner can find a practical solution to the problem.

Learn Hypnosis

So hypnosis can help you transform arguments with your partner into something beautiful. Arguing is then no longer something that just makes you feel terrible, but instead is a positive discussion about how to make the relationship better for each other.

Would you like to learn more about hypnosis? Then join us for the free online masterclass.

Or sign up for one of our training programs.

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