Personal development: It has to build on something

Years ago, I was working in construction and I ran into my old colleagues working near the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands. 'Hey man, what's up? Long time no see! Said 1 of my old colleagues. 'Sure, man! Said I. And I stepped inside that house and it was like I just stepped back in time 15 years. You know that? When everything is just exactly the same. He was still acting the same, the environment was the same, the smell and sounds were the same, even the street was the same, because this is where I had worked years ago.

I really thought at the time that if I hadn't had that one experience in the kitchen where I solved my addiction, I would still just be standing here. My colleague is still doing what I was doing then, but I built the largest hypnosis institute in Europe. That's kind of a bizarre idea.

How 1 experience can make a complete difference in 15 years. Yet it is not a complete difference. We used to notice when we visited people's homes that people pay a lot of attention to the outside of the house. Nice door, windows lapped, street swept. Inside was cleaned up before we came.

You probably know that when you bring someone in you don't immediately want them to think you're a bit of a slob. So you clean up a little bit. Do you also take someone upstairs?

Well, maybe you do, I don't know, but most people don't!

One place you definitely shouldn’t take them is under the floor. That’s where the sludge and rubble of the past lie. You can’t even get there yourself. There’s usually a mess down there—no one ever wants to go there. So what did we do? We tore out the floor and the muck. Poured in new concrete and everything. Boom, new foundation.

You can put all your energy into the outside of your house, but if the foundation is rotten your house will sink into the dregs. The funny thing is, I'm actually still doing that work.

So really, nothing has changed at all either. My colleague literally does this in a house and I do it with people. I educate people and we create new foundations in people.

Actually, that’s still the same. When I realized this, I thought: That’s also what most people forget when they pursue personal development. But usually, they just spruce up the outside. Cosmetic procedures, clothes—it’s all on the outside. Of course, that’s fine to do; it’s up to you. It often doesn’t do much for your inner self. Sometimes it does—a trip to the hairdresser, a little makeup. Clothes. But if you take it all off….

If you strip yourself completely naked and then look in the mirror... If you feel the same as when you had everything on: then your foundation is totally fine. But many people then suddenly feel different.

And that's crazy. Then your foundation is just rotten. Then you can do all sorts of things on the outside to hope it will have an effect on the foundation.

Personal development: when does it work?

Then you can do personal development, then work on the inside. Then you refurbish a living room or your bedroom. Maybe you go to the attic to throw out old junk. So you might become a nicer person or allow more people in.

When I look at my courses. There are 3, which together take 2 years. Only in that last training in 3.0 do people start working on their personal foundation.

In the two previous courses, we mainly focused on the inner self. We did all kinds of sessions and resolved all sorts of issues. You’ve definitely grown as a person, but there’s that real, old part of you. Of course, you want to avoid that too. That’s also the tactic and strategy. You don’t want to feel that old pain. You do want to get rid of it, but you don’t want to feel it first.

When someone gets too close, you prefer to avoid it. You know it's there, but it's fine. As long as everything is fine, that's ok. Until it starts sinking and cracking and things like that.

What I often see with personal development is that you learn more techniques to avoid that foundation. That's a bit of a problem. That way you fight the symptoms and don't have to deal with the old shit. The pain then remains.

Love is important for your foundation

When you do dare to go there. Which in the end is often a lack of love, and you give love. Then that foundation is good again.

Then when you start learning and applying the techniques that is lifechanging.

When you do. When you start working on your home right then, that is life changing. I have done this to myself as well. My foundation is fine now, that does not mean there is no room for improvement. Definitely, but the foundation is top notch.

It’s nice to know that you’re just fine as you are, that you don’t have to do anything or be anyone in particular to be just fine. Of course, you can take on different roles, but you’ll feel just fine even without them.

You can also make your mental foundation bigger, because your fine foundation is too small for who you actually want to be. Maybe you actually want to be a castle, and you need a bigger foundation for that than for a row house.

So what is that mental foundation? It’s you. Do you allow yourself to be that? Because that’s where it all begins. If you think, “I don’t know,” that’s a lack of love. So you want love.

Maybe you should, should or shouldn't have gotten that from others. But are you giving it to yourself? That you feel like "I can do this." Then when you put that down like that, what do those people from the row house think about it? They often don't think that's cool. How to deal with that I will go into that another time.

So maybe you want to go to the next level and then you need to see if your foundation is next level. Then the question is whether you are allowed to do it by yourself. If the answer to that is Yes, the rest is all to learn.

Be sure to listen to this podcast as well:

Successful behavior does not always lead to success

This reads very strange, of course, but I'm talking mostly about the idea that many people have of what constitutes successful behavior. For example, successful behavior is: Dressing successfully. Competing with other people. Making a lot of money, or doing things that allow you to do that.

This depends a bit on how you want to name success or the next level. Have you achieved it when you have x amount of money in your bank account or have you achieved it when you are in the process of figuring out how to do it, is that actually success already? Regardless of whether you succeed quickly or not.

Because what that orientation to success also leans a bit on is, do other people like it when I achieve that success. Are people going to think positively about me if I am successful, or does your "success" avoid people thinking negatively about you?

Thus, if you are very focused on a particular signal of success, such as an amount in your account, this can actually cause behavior that does not help you achieve this success. So in that sense, you can start dressing yourself successfully but not dare to ask for help because this can look like "unsuccessful" which ultimately causes you to find your success more difficult or not achieve it[1].

Love for the next level

Then again, if we're going to talk about you need love for your foundation to get to your next level. Ask yourself what you would tell your friends if they had your goal.

Would you say they should mostly figure everything out on their own and not ask for help?

No of course not!

Self-love is being your own best friend. So if you would tell your friend to apprentice with another expert, you can tell yourself the same.

If you do have something blocking you from being so kind to yourself, there lies the junk in your foundation that you need to clean up. As mentioned, these techniques are covered in the Hypnosis Institute's third training. So a hypnosis therapist who has successfully completed that training can help you with this.

Do you want to help people lay the foundation to reach the next level? Then sign up for our training program(s).

Or start by taking the free online masterclass on hypnosis.

If you want to see and experience what hypnosis can do, come to a hypnosis seminar.

[1] https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Don_Vandewalle/publication/256924069_RESEARCH_IN_ACTION_Goal_Orientation_Why_Wanting_to_Look_Successful_Doesn’t_Always_Lead_to_Success/links/5a5bddd5a6fdcc3bfb637ca9/RESEARCH-IN-ACTION-Goal-Orientation-Why-Wanting-to-Look-Successful-Doesnt-Always-Lead-to-Success.pdf