Changing beliefs: Throwing bombs in a conversation
Changing beliefs seems like something unethical to some people, but medics agree that sometimes it is necessary to help people[1]. In the case of hypnotherapy, we also help people with this, but only after they themselves come to us to see what they themselves can do to suffer less from certain problems
First your beliefs then your behavior
Changing beliefs is absolutely essential if you want to change certain behaviors. Research shows that behavioral change often fails unless underlying beliefs are changed first[2].
So if you have goals to change your behavior—such as learning more, exercising more, or eating healthier—it can be helpful to first take a close look at your beliefs about why you haven’t yet done these things as much as you’d actually like to.
If you find this difficult, you can see a hypnotherapist who can help you change your beliefs.
Changing Beliefs
Changing beliefs can be done in many ways. You can have beliefs or defend people who have certain beliefs and then you can throw verbal bombs at them.
In the 1980s, there was a seminar led by Richard Bandler, and Robert Dilts was in attendance. These are two people who worked on the development of NLP. Robert heard how Richard turned every suggested belief on its head. People couldn’t get the better of him.
For example, he asked "Who put those flowers here? You guys just don't respect me, because if you put those flowers here then that means you just don't like me."
So that was a complex generalization. The audience tried to change his mind. It just didn’t work. They said all sorts of things, but he just shot them down. It didn’t work, and in fact, he only became more steadfast in his conviction.
You may know it, no matter what you try with people, they don't change their point of view. They just get more rigid.
This is allowed, of course. After all, we have freedom of speech, but that's an opinion. It is not necessarily true. A belief is also something you believe, but is also not necessarily true. What you believe is not necessarily the same as the facts.
Research also shows that social groups you feel you are part of can reinforce your opinions. For example, if you believe in a certain stereotype and you hang out with people who also believe in it, this makes your opinion stronger.
In that case, mixing with other social groups can go a long way toward changing beliefs about those stereotypes[3], for example, but that might be a bit of a hassle.
As well as teach yourself all about the subject. That often helps too, but can sometimes take a very long time.
Fortunately, you can also do a lot with language. You can do a lot in conversation.
Robert Dilts discovered 14 patterns in which people change beliefs. He called this "sleight of mouth."[4] Those patterns are interesting.
Questioning your beliefs
One of my favorite is to have the belief someone has performed on themselves. For example, if someone says they are always insecure, you can ask:
"Are you sure?"
So when he says yes, he is not always unsure, because he is sure of this.
If he says no, then he’s unsure about whether he’s always unsure. So it’s not as certain as that—that he’s always unsure. Are you still following?
This is very interesting.
Another belief may be "I'm a failure, everything fails."
Okay then you ask how long have you been doing that failure? Then you get an answer and then you have been doing that for a long time anyway.
What you say is yourself
“Saying mean things means you’re a bad person.” That’s also pretty mean to say, so does that make you a bad person too ?
"If you're this late it means you don't care about me." Yes, you could have told me that before.
So you hear that those beliefs, for example the problem of someone being late, you use back on that person. They are late and could have said that a little earlier.
Hierarchy of criteria
If someone says politics only bothers them you can ask "because?", they don't create work for them.
That person then finds it important that someone will create work for them.
Then you can pony up something more important, such as
"Isn't it more important to have growth opportunities and meaning in your life than work?"
Of course if work creates meaning it might make sense to create work yourself that creates meaning.
So 1: You can focus on what makes sense and 2, you apply it to the person.
So you can give 5 or so in a row.
Attach a consequence to belief
What would happen if you continued to believe in this belief? Like the belief that someone else should take care of work? Then you’d hand everything over to others. Then you’d inevitably lose all sense of purpose and growth.
So you can name the values then again.
What's the point
You can then add another addition like what the point is. After all, what is the point?
"The point is not about whether politics creates more work? Surely the point is that you feel good about the work you create?"
Stack or combine techniques for additional change
Then you already have 5. I don't care what beliefs anyone has. You can then combine these sleigths of mouth to change the belief in that person.
So you can return the ball first and apply the persuasion to the person.
Then look at the hierarchy of his beliefs and put something else above the belief.
You can help people by thinking about the future with that conviction.
You can discuss the higher purpose of persuasion.
Often the beliefs that don't help the person then quickly collapse.
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/2080023-hoe-kan-je-overtuigingen-tackelen-in-een-gesprek?play=true
So there are other such patterns you can use to change beliefs.
Empathize with others
Another way to change your beliefs is by putting yourself in others’ shoes. You temporarily adopt another person’s identity, emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and goals as if they were your own.
Researchers indicate that this is something that is possible, for example, when reading a book written from the first person, i.e., in the I form[5].
Now this is not always possible when doing therapy, but this is a technique that can be used in regression therapy.
With regression, for example, you go back to the first moment when you were troubled by a limiting belief. Often this is a moment from your childhood where other people were present. There are all kinds of things you can do to change that memory so that the belief no longer bothers you.
One of the opportunities is for you to empathize with others who were present at the time. This alone can cause you to interpret the moment in a new way and change the beliefs that are holding you back.
Suggestions can also help change and even install certain memories[6].
Make fun of the blocking belief
Another technique that works well for beliefs that don't help you move forward is to ridicule that belief[7]. The idea then is that you can laugh about it, because when you can laugh about it, it is no longer a problem.
This is also something a hypnotherapist can help you with.
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Sources:
[1] https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/article-abstract/1676494
[2] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/003172170909000509?journalCode=pdka
[3] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167201274009
[4] https://scholar.google.com/scholar?lookup=0&q=robert+dilts+sleight+of+mouth&hl=nl&as_sdt=0,5
[5] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-07748-001
[6] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/(SICI)1099-0720(199904)13:2%3C125::AID-ACP560%3E3.0.CO;2-5
[7] https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01525/full