Overcompensation is a defense technique people use when something unpleasant happens. Unpleasant events to your well-being and sense of self-confidence can cause you to overcompensate to be less bothered by the unpleasant event. Overcompensation can therefore be a problem because it actually acts like a painkiller. It does not solve the problem, but only glosses it over.
What does compensation mean?
Compensation is actually making something right. Compensation is also often referred to when someone receives compensation. There is damage and it is compensated, made up, by the compensation. That way, you end up back at the same point as before there was damage.
So before anyone starts compensating or overcompensating, something must have happened that caused damage. This can be physical damage, or mental damage.
With physical damage, for example, you often see people who lose an arm or a leg become athletic to regain a sense of control. In doing so, they compensate for the initial feeling of not being able to walk normally, for example. By playing sports, they prove otherwise and thus that injury is compensated.
In the case of overcompensation, it goes a little further.
What is compensatory behavior?
As early as the 1920s, psychologists were talking about compensatory behavior and even overcompensation.
In the case of compensatory behavior, for example, you may not be good at something, such as math. But to still feel good, you actually start developing in something else, such as writing. By writing well, you compensate for being less good at math. For example, you then have less confidence in your math abilities and more confidence in your writing abilities.
When are you overcompensating?
Overcompensation, then, can indicate inflated self-confidence, for example, in its appearance to the outside world, something that often compensates for feelings of low self-confidence. For example, you think you are good at both math and writing, even though there is a clear difference.
By exuding more self-confidence than makes sense, putting yourself down as Einstein while only getting 6s in math, for example, is then a form of overcompensation.
Your motivations for doing so are often different, too. For example, you want to become super good at something because it gives you power over other people or control over the situation.
Overcompensation is likely to spill over into narcissistic behavior.
Causes for overcompensation
There are all kinds of reasons why people start overcompensating. In any case, it is clear that something must have gone wrong that makes you feel the need to compensate and even overcompensate. I will address a few of the causes.
Frustrating parents
Parents do the best they can, but it's not always fun. If you have very strict parents who tell you every time that what you do is worthless, you can use a shield as a child. A child can do this by overcompensating for self-confidence. By actually becoming very good at what the parents first thought was so worthless in order to gain control of the situation.
However, this can break you down as an adult. For example, you are studying finance, but you actually want to work with your hands (just to give an example). This is ultimately not the path to happiness.
Infertility
The 2015 study The Relationship between Social Support and Overcompensation in Infertile Women shows that infertility can cause overcompensation for men and women. Men are generally more affected by this than women.
If it proves impossible to become a parent, this can be compensated for, for example, by then throwing yourself fully into your career or by volunteering (with children).
Living life in a different way than expected and therefore overcompensating in social roles, for example. This happens to both men and women who have problems having children. Especially if you get little social support you can suffer from this. Support from your partner, family and friends is important initially to suffer less from overcompensation behavior.
Job loss
In our world, it is very common to think of your job as part of your identity. How often do you say "Hello, my name is X and I am (your profession)." Of course, that's not all you are, but since most people spend 8 hours a day at work anyway, it can become a big part of yourself.
When you lose your job then, there is a chance that you will overcompensate. You will become the perfect stay-at-home husband/wife. You become that father/mother that all other fathers and mothers envy, because you do it perfectly. You are athletic, slim and you always have a good relationship with your child (in reality maybe not, but that is what you radiate).
You may have lost your job, but otherwise you are perfect. The next job will be even a better job!
Decompensate
Ultimately, overcompensation creates an awful lot of stress. You may fear that you will be caught overcompensating. That people can suddenly see that you don't have the qualities you actually want. Besides, it's also just really hard work!
Stress creates all kinds of problems both for your body, your immune system is turned off, and for your mind, you don't always react thoughtfully anymore.
This is precisely why it is important to also decompress so that you can relax more and live a life according to what matters to you, rather than what matters to the social ladder.
Hypnosis can help you decompress
Overcompensating is something you do after something has gone wrong. If you then overcompensate, you have at least placed a lot of importance on making sure that what went wrong was not allowed to go wrong. Hypnosis can help you figure out why this is so important to you and why it is important for you to overcompensate as you did.
Regression
In the case of strict parents, a regression can help you find out if you have suffered from this. After all, sometimes you just don't know why you handled things the way you did. With regression, you go to your subconscious, which actually largely determines what you do, to see why you handled it the way you did.
In many cases, you then come to an event that occurred in your childhood. This is because in your elementary school age, you create the beliefs that have the greatest impact on your life. Because of this, you can get very surprising results during regression because children often make very illogical connections.
For example, I once helped a woman who, as a child, made the connection between being fat and being a good mother. This caused her to suffer from obesity the moment she became a mother and this went away with no way until she found this connection during regression.
Hypnotic visualization for decompensation
If you know why you are overcompensating, the hypnotist can help you decompensate with various techniques. One such technique is a guided visualization. In such a visualization, the hypnotist helps you imagine how you can do things differently.
An example might be that you just want to slow down at work but can't imagine how to do it.
Initially, the hypnotist will induce hypnosis in you. After that, you may be given a guided visualization, such as:
"You have finished the day's work and are faced with the decision of whether to pick up your next project, or go home quietly. You choose to go home quietly. This allows you to relax much earlier in the day, which feels good. You notice your muscles relax and you go home smiling. At home you are more relaxed and for once before bed you don't have to think about all the steps you are going to take. After all, you're already doing well enough."
This is just an example of a guided visualization. See a hypnotist to get a visualization that fits your beliefs and issues.
Hypnotic suggestions for decompensating
In addition, a hypnotist can also use hypnotic suggestions to decompress. You are first told these suggestions during a hypnosis session, then you can repeat them at home during self-hypnosis. It is important to do this regularly for the best effect.
These suggestions may include:
"I decide what is important to me in my life."
"Not being able to do something means I'm good enough without that skill."
"A change in my life puts me on a new path."
These are also just examples of suggestions, if these do not work for you it is important to work with a hypnotist to make personal suggestions.
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Sources:
https://psychologenie.com/explanation-of-overcompensation-in-psychology-with-examples
Book: Individuation and Narcissism: The psychology of self in Jung and Kohut, 2017
