Self-confidence is difficult to build and easily destroyed by others. Being isolated for an extended period of time with only being told that you are worthless can give quite a dent to your self-confidence. Other experiences in the past in which some kind of moment of failure was rubbed in nicely by someone else can also make you not want to go through a similar experience again.
To ensure that you can rebuild your self-confidence, in this article I delve into the possibilities that meditation has for doing so.
What is self-confidence?
Self-confidence can mean something different to everyone. When I talk about self-confidence I am talking about the feeling a person has about their worth and the idea that they can do something.
For example, someone with high self-confidence has no problem demanding high pay for what they do, especially if they are confident that what they do is quality. Someone with low self-confidence may be more likely to settle for a wage that is actually too low for the work they do(1).
In addition, being "valuable" also allows more things to happen in private situations. If someone has a lot of self-confidence, a partner does not need to have a big mouth, and with loose hands, the partner can then forget all about it. Then for someone with a normal sense of self-confidence it is GAME OVER and the relationship is broken off.
There are plenty of other people to whom you can then give your love and who do appreciate and respect you. This is a belief that someone with enough self-confidence will have and also that they don't necessarily need the love of a partner. Because if you love yourself, it's good enough. Being happy single is not a problem for many people with self-confidence.
In addition, self-confidence also consists of a set of beliefs you have about yourself that deal with the following characteristics:
- Your characteristics (in terms of character)
- Your appearance
- Beliefs
- Emotions
- Behavior
For example, you can be confident that you always behave well, or conversely, think your behavior is weak.
There are two ways you can define self-confidence for yourself, implicit self-confidence and explicit self-confidence.
With implicit self-confidence, you spontaneously find something about yourself. For example, something happens and as a result you get a thought about yourself. It is common for implicit self-confidence to be different from explicit self-confidence. This self-confidence can be higher and lower. This difference can come from conditioning.
The role of your partner is important in shaping your implicit self-confidence. For example, research shows that a man is more likely to have lower implicit self-confidence if his female partner is doing better than him in business.
This is because the self-assessment is then, for example, about how he fulfills the man's role in the relationship and whether this is correct according to "standards."
Comparisons with other people can also have a big impact on your self-confidence. For example, many women who are insecure about their looks tend to compare themselves to women featured in the media. While they themselves are just as pretty as those women when no photoshop is used.
Then you also have explicit self-confidence. Explicit self-confidence involves what you say to others about yourself. For example, sometimes in job interviews you get asked a question about your own skills and then you say something you've thought about and a thought about yourself doesn't spontaneously come up.
It is best if your implicit confidence and explicit confidence match as much as possible.
By thinking too much about your self-confidence, however, you can become too self-focused, and it may get in the way of real self-improvement, because you then start doing what is expected of you. You may then measure your self-confidence by beliefs that you think others value, but to which you yourself (unconsciously) value much less. As a result, the gap between your implicit and explicit self-confidence widens instead of narrowing(2).
According to Dr. Michael Miller, editor-in-chief of the Harvard Mental Health Letter, it only takes a few things to really build your self-confidence, about which he says the following:
"To truly increase your self-confidence, it is important to understand yourself, accept yourself, value your own abilities and gain satisfaction from helping others."(3)
Problem of low self-esteem
If you suffer from low self-esteem, it is primarily a problem for yourself, but research shows that people with low self-esteem can also express their problems externally.
Low self-esteem can manifest, for example, in aggressive behavior, antisocial behavior and even petty criminal behavior.
With antisocial behavior, you yourself may suffer from problems in the relationships you have, such as weaker ties with your family because low self-esteem makes it difficult for you to talk to them or you prefer not to go out as a result.
This is incredibly annoying because humans are social animals. It is healthy to build bonds with other people and this can also boost your self-confidence.
Meditation for self-confidence
Meditation is the means of getting to know yourself and accepting that you are who you are.
A lack of self-confidence is often accompanied by negative thoughts about yourself. To rebuild your self-confidence, it is important to break that spiral of thoughts. Meditation is one way to do that. In addition, it helps to appreciate your own actions instead of being negative about what you are doing.
Research conducted in 2009 also shows that meditation can cause implicit and explicit self-confidence to come closer together. As you get to know yourself better, you can better express what you think is important and what you are good at.
There are several meditation techniques you can use to improve your self-confidence namely:
- Love and kindness meditation
- Mindfulness meditation
- Seated meditation
These forms of meditation are used in some educational institutions with young adults to boost self-confidence. After all, it is a period in your life when you learn to stand on your own two feet and what that all means. This is a period when uncertainty can strike.
Meditation exercises for self-confidence
In meditation for greater self-confidence, it is important to first find a comfortable place where you sit. Next, sit as upright as possible and try to make your spine as long as possible.
Then you breathe and focus on that to clear your mind as much as possible. Especially those negative thoughts you want to banish.
Once this is accomplished focus on yourself and try to breathe loving energy into yourself. Then you can also mentally repeat to yourself the following phrases that will replace your negative values about yourself over time:
I'm awesome.
I can do anything I set my mind to.
Positivity is a choice.
I celebrate my individuality.
I am prepared to succeed.
Mindfulness meditation for greater self-confidence
As mentioned, implicit self-confidence can be spontaneously named. You see something on television, you hear a word and associate it with something "bad" about yourself. Then you get into a thought spiral that only further undermines your self-confidence.
If you find that this is bothering you while you are busy at work, having a conversation or just cleaning you can apply mindfulness meditation .
If you find yourself distracted by thoughts that are undermining your confidence then focus first on your breathing. Then onhow your body feels during the activity you are performing. For example, if you have an office job you feel how your fingers touch the keyboard and you hear the sound of your PC. You might even hear the fan in the computer case that keeps your PC from overheating. You focus entirely on the task at hand and the senses to perceive that task.
When you have a conversation with someone, you also first take a deep breath and then expand the energy to what you hear. What your conversation partner is saying and what you can say back. If you find that you have completely lost the thread of the conversation, that is not a bad thing. In fact, it's natural for that to happen when your thoughts consume your attention. You can just say, "Sorry I was distracted for a moment, what did you say?" Keep your focus on the conversation. Does an emotion arise that doesn't help you? Then let it go.
Multiple studies show that mindfulness makes you happier, more self-compassionate, more calm and more confident.
Want to learn more about the benefits of meditation and other techniques to solve your mental problems? Then come to a seminar or check out the Hypsnoe Institute Netherlands' training programs.
Sources:
https://www.verywell.com/what-is-self-esteem-2795868
http://www.health.harvard.edu/press_releases/importance-of-self-esteem
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103109001310
