Cynical people: helping and dealing with them

Whether you’re a hypnotherapist or just an ordinary person, you may sometimes have to deal with cynical people. Why is it that some people are so negative? How do you deal with this, and what’s the best way to help someone who’s simply too cynical?

It’s never good enough, no one can be trusted, it’ll probably rain again tomorrow, emigrating is the only solution, voting is pointless, exercising is pointless, quitting smoking is pointless—nothing really makes sense. That pretty much sums up what cynicism can look like.

Not a convenient attitude to be happy with.

Cynical people

Cynical people are people who don't trust other people (anymore). They think that no one wants to help them or even worse, that they will always get knifed. So that they are always going to get screwed by someone at some point, to put it crudely.

Cynicism also means that people are distrustful, no longer have idealism or even reject it (because can never be achieved anyway), they are somewhat sarcastic mocking, bitter and can be very sarcastic[1].

In reality, cynicism doesn’t help you at all. Cynical people are often those who have trusted others but whose trust has been betrayed, causing them to become disillusioned with everyone.

As a result, they no longer dare to give their heart or trust to other people, so the perception that people are untrustworthy can no longer be restored, because people can no longer prove to them that they are trustworthy. As a result, cynical people can remain cynical for a long time[2].

In general, people can even be a bit cynical. For example, many people assume that behavior pretty much always arises because someone thinks it is a good thing to do for their own good. So if someone does something for another person, this can be seen by people as not only something that is good for that other person. They then also often think that that person is only doing this because there is still something to gain for that person.

This also explains why wealthy philanthropists are often not trusted anyway, even though they all want to help people and want nothing else in return[3].

Cynical people and work

Unfortunately, having too many cynical people in a company (or even an economy) isn’t helpful at all, because cynicism leads you to do things that don’t help you move forward at all. Consider, for example, never outsourcing work, which prevents you from growing your business, because doing everything on your own is simply an impossible task as your business expands.

In workplaces where cynicism is widespread, fatigue, for example , is a major problem[4], and that can in turn lead to burnout.

Research also shows that cynical people enjoy their work less, interact less well with their colleagues and/or supervisor, and do not feel that their colleagues support them[5].

So plenty of reasons to help people who suffer from cynicism.

Dealing with cynicism

How do you deal with receiving cynical comments or noticing that someone close to you is quite cynical?

One useful thing to know is that cynicism can be a way for people to cope with stress [6]. For example, if you notice that someone at work is making a lot of cynical jokes or being sarcastic, you can always check to see if that person has been assigned too many tasks.

In addition, starting a conversation with someone who is cynical and genuinely listening to that person can already do a lot to remove the cynical vibe[7]. It might be a great relief for that person to be able to let out everything that is bothering them.

This conversation can even transform cynicism into hope (source 7). This is because cynical people harbor a hope, deep down, that they might still be wrong, but they simply don’t dare to test it.

If you're cynical yourself

You may also find yourself feeling cynical and that it's time for a change. For example, you feel you are living too negatively and you want to change this, but the question is how?

One way to be less cynical is through a gratitude exercise. This can be difficult to do when you’re struggling with cynicism, but give it a try. Research shows that teachers who are grateful experience less cynicism in the workplace than teachers who are less grateful.

Research also shows that gratitude helps reduce cynicism, but not narcissism [8]. Fortunately, someone who is cynical isn’t necessarily a narcissist, so for the cynical people among us, starting with gratitude exercises is a great first step toward taking a more positive view of life and others.

Another way is to strengthen or increase your social relationships. This does not directly mean confiding your deepest secrets to people. But regularly going to someone's house for coffee or playing sports with someone can already make you feel more connected, which also helps reduce cynicism.

Just having a chat with your colleagues in this way at work can do a lot to lower your cynicism[9]. You don't have to expect anything from them, just a quick chat can be enough.

If none of this works, you can also ask for help.

On the contrary, if you have someone close to you who is cynical and could use help, the following may also help.

Helping someone who is cynical

There are several ways to help someone who is cynical; as mentioned, a good conversation can go a long way. As a hypnotherapist, you can use conversational hypnosis to determine what caused someone to become cynical—specifically, what beliefs underlie this feeling of cynicism.

In the case of someone saying no one can be trusted, asking "no one?" can often help a little. Usually there are still one or two people such a person can trust, and that can be the first step toward removing cynicism.

Then you can magnify this by going the extra mile each time to what is reliable, such as programs that are always on television, the bus that usually does run about on time, the car that does. The cashier who scans your groceries. Your package delivery man.

Suddenly the person may then realize that there may be quite a few people to count on after all.

What is the cause?

In addition, it is helpful to find out if the person is suffering from too much stress or if the person may have developed a trust issue due to a traumatic event.

For example, when dealing with a specific event, regression can be a good way to help the person. Through regression, you help the cynical person mentally return to the very first moment when he or she began to feel so cynical.

You then help the person do something with that moment.

These are often moments in childhood, as that is when people determine how the world works and how it should work.

Sometimes just empathizing with other people, such as why they could not keep a certain promise, is enough to become less cynical.

At an impact event during childhood

But sometimes there’s something more serious going on. In that case, a conversation with the inner child can be helpful in supporting the person. This way, the person can learn that cynicism is no longer necessary as a defense mechanism—that he or she now interacts with other people and leads a completely different life than before.

The idea is to encourage the adult client to start the conversation with his younger self. You may give instructions on what questions he may ask, on whether to give the child a hand or even a hug.

At the end, you allow the inner child in the person sitting in front of you at that moment to grow up, but without all those cynical feelings, and that can do a lot to free people from cynicism.

Reducing Stress

Since cynicism can also be a way of coping with stress[10], reducing stress can also be an effective way to reduce cynicism. It is therefore important to examine your beliefs about work and standing up for yourself, as well as setting boundaries, in order to reduce stress.

For example, if someone dares to say "no" to overtime once through therapy, they may find out that this is therefore possible, and that can already give hope that much more is possible to reduce stress.

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