Family Constellation: Your Mental Map
In the training we did a kind of family setup, namely Lucas Derks' social panorama. It's a fascinating phenomenon. I have written blogs about it before. I found out years ago that the first thing your brain does is scan "where am I?", where am I in space, what country, village, house, room, room. Also where am I relative to the lamp, the closet, the table and people
The origins of your unconscious family set-up
You do this with your social relationships as well, but on a mental level. So where do I stand in relation to my father, mother, brother, sister, aunt, and uncle? When you consider that when you’re born, you don’t actually have a social map yet. How do you interact with people? You learn that from your caregivers—your father and mother, or perhaps your grandparents.
That's where you learn how to interact with people.
Then you create a kind of map in your head. For example, outside you say hello to everyone, and once inside, you start gossiping about all those people. That’s a certain social trait that you carry with you. That’s just how it’s supposed to be, and you assume others do exactly the same thing.
Also, in that map you put individuals in a certain place. The closer the more influence. For example, mom and dad are close by and have a lot of influence. There are also people who are not on the map. Grandpa and grandma are also on that map.
This is how you project the people around you—and they influence you. This influence can be both positive and negative. Then you grow up. You start school, and the world is completely different again. That map has shifted into the background, because Mom and Dad aren’t there. Who should you listen to then? The teacher or the other kids in the class? Who am I allowed to like, and who am I not allowed to like? At some point, you’ll have formed another map of reality based on that.
Then you understand the map at home. You know who to deal with who to listen to and then suddenly someone is born, but that works out. School understands you.
Suddenly you run into your teacher in the supermarket!? So you had the card outside and are out and about with mom and dad (5 years old) suddenly you run into the teacher, who should you listen to now? The cards overlap. The teacher understands and explains that the teacher is also shopping.
Those maps overlap and this is very confusing to a child and then you learn as a child that you can also encounter that teacher "in the wild."
So you grow up and have all kinds of maps of reality and in that mental space you place people.
My experience with the family constellation
I myself have 4 children and they hold a position for me. When I imagine where they are, they are in front of me. This was not so in the beginning. They did stand in front of me, but my oldest son stood further away, but my youngest son stood against me. I also had a different relationship with those 2 sons.
When my first son was born, I was going through a completely different phase in my life. So at that time, I was very distracted and, as a result, emotionally distant in my relationships. Subconsciously, you can internalize that in your mental map. That was fine at first, until I realized I was doing it.
When my youngest was born, I was a completely different person. I was much more sensitive and emotional. It was immediately filled with love, so I held her very close—right on top of me or pressed against me.
But neither was convenient. One may have a little more space for himself in my mental space and the other may be a little closer. Then I put them the same distance away from me. One a little further away and the other a little closer, but both at the same height. So all 4 children at the same height, equal though their own place of course.
This felt better.
I was reading the book on social panorama so I did this. I drove home and called home and my wife said my oldest son wanted to talk to me. He had never done that before. He never wanted to speak to me per se. But now I had spent 15 minutes with him on the line and since then that relationship changed because I shifted something. Something happened because of that.
You could say that I started behaving differently and so he reacted differently, but he hadn't seen or heard anything I was doing differently. I just called home and he suddenly wanted the phone and to talk to me. Fascinating.
One of the things that takes place in this phenomenon is that the location of where you put those people in your mental space, that is the relationship you have with them. If they are close then they have more influence, if they are further away then they have less influence.
Trainees' experiences with the family constellation
During the course, there was also someone who was annoyed with his mother, but wanted her close. She was moved from left to right which was fine and then the whole irritation was gone. So instead of the other person having to change, you have it all in your own hands.
I did know a lot of quotes about how your inner world affects the world outside. But so it really is and it really goes a long way. Even in relationships, it's true. How you want those people to interact with you is how you position them in your mental space.
This can go very well with the family panorama, you can spend a whole day with that in no time. It can change your life.
Also listen to this podcast.
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/1047452-familie-opstellingen-2-0
Science on social panorama
So I have all kinds of experiences, trainees have all kinds of experiences, but how coincidental is this really? Well, so it's not coincidental at all. Scientists have also studied the technique of social panorama and what it does to people.
In 2014, it was studied how influencing your mental space and the location where people are standing affect your emotions. Getting back to the student, he was irritated with his mother and moving her into that mental space helped remove the irritation.
The research assumes that the mental map of people in certain locations also says something about your emotions regarding those people. They tested how moving the people to 3 times the distance than they were at that moment affects the subjects' emotions.
The study found that emotions became less intense or there was even a dramatic change in the quality of emotion[1].
So it’s not just a little trick you can use—it’s something that really works to at least help you deal with any emotions you might be struggling with.
What’s also interesting is that this technique can be used to resolve family issues that may have been present since childhood[2]. We usually use regression for problems that have existed for so long, but this technique can also be used.
In 2017, a study was even conducted to determine whether a family constellation could help treat mild depression (source 2).
The family constellation or social panorama is a technique that can be used in psychotherapy, and you can use it in hypnotherapy as well.
Want to know how hypnosis works and whether you can put people under hypnosis? Then come to a hypnosis workshop. The workshops are held in Zwolle and Wormerveer.
Are you curious about all the possibilities and examples? Then come to the hypnosis seminar.
Or sign up right away for one of the courses to master the family constellation technique as well. The courses are held in Wormerveer, Zwolle, and online.
[1] https://www.econstor.eu/handle/10419/171405
[2] http://jep.ro/images/pdf/cuprins_reviste/79_art_4.pdf