The difference between falling in love and love addiction

May 10, 2016

Now that the weather is getting nicer, it is actually also the time to fall in love. Ultimately, everyone wants love in their lives so it is quite normal to long for it. But if you don't get the love back and the infatuation becomes an obsession you have a problem. According to some experts, you keep repeating some kind of painful moment related to infatuation. So you can develop a kind of infatuation ritual where you obsess over that infatuation every time.

To make sure you can just fall in love again and move on with your life when it is not reciprocated, in this article I will discuss love addiction and what you can do about it.

What are the characteristics of love addiction?

Just as with a drug addiction, a love addiction involves dependency ( 1). If you’re insecure about your own identity, you may become dependent on another person to fulfill your goals, such as establishing an identity. Instead of being X, you become Y’s partner. To achieve this goal, a love addict experiences the following symptoms:

You're obsessing.
You imagine the other person as perfect, when rationally you cannot know this.
You’ll start behaving irrationally—for example, you might accidentally start stalking someone.
You become dependent on the person you "fall in love" with.
You become manipulative.
You need romance.

Obsession

Being obsessively preoccupied means that you think so much about that other person or about the life you could have with them that it distracts you from your daily activities, just as a drug addiction can ( 2). For example, you stop doing your work and put off important tasks. You might even change who you are because you think that’s what the other person would want from you in order to start a relationship with you.

Idolize

Idolizing involves you already forming a complete picture of that person, especially how perfect they are. This while you may have only seen that person. It is a bit like wanting love at first sight. In itself, this is very normal behavior, but as with an obsession, these fantasies should not take over when you actually have to get to work.

Irrational behavior

When you exhibit irrational behavior, you do strange things to get the attention of the person you’re in love with. For example, it’s very normal to steal glances and try to strike up a conversation to see if your feelings are reciprocated. What’s a bit less normal is when you deliberately bump into the other person “by accident.” Maybe because you want to feel their body or because you feel like you can’t start a conversation any other way. At least now you can say you’re sorry. Plans like these can ultimately lead to you actually stalking the person. Nobody likes that at all, so that’s not the way to hit on someone.

In severe cases, you may want the other person so badly that you even use force or violence to get what you want.

Dependency

Just like with other addictions, you can become dependent. You’re convinced that you can only be happy if that other person is in your life. As a result, you might structure your day in such a way that you come into contact with that person, even if you only catch a glimpse of them.

Manipulative

If you do manage to enter into a normal relationship with the person you’re in love with, you might start manipulating that person just to keep him or her with you. You may be incredibly afraid of losing that person, and instead of doing your best to be the best partner ever, you resort to manipulation. You try to make them feel guilty and worthless so they won’t leave you.

This actually shows that you don’t have much confidence in your own abilities. And that’s such a shame, because your love is already within you—so you’ve already proven that you’re likable enough.

You must be in love

Being single is simply not an option for you, and even a long-term relationship proves difficult. Because over time, those feelings of being in love fade away. As a result, you’re always on the lookout for your next romantic encounter. You need the comfort and reassurance of a relationship. You’re definitely not the cheating type, but if your relationship ends, you’ll be in a new one in no time.

You are in love with being in love and not even really in love with the other person, but may not be aware of this.

Infatuation is a high and you don't really want to come down.

What are the side effects of love addiction?

The symptoms of love addiction are quite intense, which is why this addiction is so problematic. People with love addiction are often unhappy because they believe they are worthless without a partner or the love of a partner.

As a result, you may experience depression, anxiety disorders, low self-confidence, and a poor self-image. In addition, you may also have violent thoughts and even suicidal tendencies if you suffer from a love addiction.

Low self-confidence and poor self-esteem also explains manipulative behavior.

Test if you have a love addiction

When you're in love it may seem like you have a love addiction, but it really doesn't have to be that way. To check if you might be suffering from a love addiction, I have some questions for you that you can use to check if you are suffering from it.

Do you hate being single?
Do you fall in love often and quickly?
Do you date anyone who shows even the slightest interest in you?
Have you ever been accused of smothering behavior by your (former) partner?
When a relationship goes out do you feel this is the end of your life?
Do you feel uncomfortable or bored when you are alone?
Feel lonely when you're not in a relationship?
Do you often worry that your current partner will hurt you as much as your ex-partners?
Worried about never finding someone to grow old with?
Do you struggle with discussions and often go on the attack when someone criticizes you (including the silence treatment)?

If you can answer yes to most of these questions, you may be suffering from love addiction.

Now you may think that love addiction is not a problem if both partners are love addicts, but the danger of that, in turn, is that you start controlling each other, which can put you both in social isolation. In addition, people with love addiction often go off on the wrong types, on people who like to control you or where teasing is just a little too often bullying.

Treating love addiction with hypnosis

To ensure that you are happier with yourself and therefore a better partner and enjoy a relationship more, it is important to treat love addiction.

With love addiction, you often suffer from an automatic ritual that was once created to always have a partner. A hypnotherapist can help you get to the bottom of your ritual. A hypnotherapist can then help you break this ritual by showing you how absurd it is.

For example, by reversing the order of a ritual or finding out your triggers of the ritual and showing you if this is a logical consequence after that trigger.

Identifying the cause of love addiction is important for breaking the cycle. For example, you might have a love addiction because you’re convinced that you can only lead a successful life as part of a couple because that’s how it’s supposed to be. With hypnotherapy, you can uncover where that belief comes from and develop new beliefs that free you from dependence on a partner.

After all, there are plenty of people who live happy lives without a partner or, on the contrary, without controlling the partner they have.

In the process, low self-esteem and lack of being satisfied with yourself is also addressed with hypnosis. You often hear people say that you have to love yourself first before you can love another. This also makes you less concerned with control because you are more convinced of how nice you are and that the other person sees that too.

In addition to building self-confidence through visualizations, hypnotic suggestions and other techniques, for example, you are also given self-hypnosis exercises for this purpose that enhance the effects of hypnotherapy.

Would you like to learn more about how hypnosis can improve your life? Then come to a seminar or check out the courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands.

Also, pin this infographic as a reminder:

Sources:

Love and Addiction: 4. "Love" as an Addiction