Dealing with criticism

Do you also know someone who just can't take it when you give comments or are you yourself someone who just immediately gets angry or defensive when someone criticizes you? Criticism is something that everyone receives at some point in their lives and it is helpful if you know how to deal with it in a positive way.

This helps you tremendously in your business and personal life. That's why in this article I discuss how to deal with criticism.

Can't take criticism

Especially during adolescence, criticism can sometimes be very annoying and something that is difficult to deal with, but this should basically pass by itself.

Do you feel you can take criticism very badly and secretly want to get more out of this than clam up and bring yourself down?

If you can’t handle criticism, this may manifest as insecurity, crying, getting angry, or even directing criticism back at the very person who criticized you.

"Oh yeah? No, you are otherwise very bad at X."

It is mainly the reactions that indicate whether you can stand criticism or not. Your feelings, namely that it is not nice to be criticized, is something that affects almost everyone. Everyone gets a bit of a stomach ache when you tell them what is actually not right about what they are doing.

Test: dealing with criticism

To find out if you handle criticism well, I've come up with a fun test for you. With this you can check whether you need to deal with criticism differently than before, in order to get more out of it than you do now. So check whether these statements are true for you or not.

• When someone points out a mistake I have made it feels like they are tarnishing my honor.
• When someone criticizes me, I want to provide immediate proof of why that criticism is wrong.
• I get discouraged when something doesn't work for me right away.
• I find it hard to admit to myself that I am wrong.
• When I disagree with someone I start talking HARDER.
• If someone is negative about my work I get demotivated and start working less hard.
• I usually don't like/nice people telling me what to do.
• I am offended when someone with less experience than me criticizes my work.
• When I'm criticized, I can hardly help it if I start thinking I'm really not competent.

If you often find yourself relating to these statements, it may mean that you don’t handle criticism well or, more specifically, that you don’t know how to deal with it effectively. Criticism triggers negative feelings and, in your case, may even lead to a decline in your self-confidence and self-assurance . This is a real shame, because most people who offer criticism actually want to help you do your work better.

It's not a rejection moment, it's a learning moment.

It's only really stupid if you don't do anything with criticism.

This test mainly shows reactions to criticism, as mentioned, nobody likes criticism, but what matters most is how you react to criticism.

Dealing with criticism at work

Especially at work, you can expect a load of criticism. At the end of the day, your salary has to be paid from something, and that means the work you deliver is of quality to keep client satisfaction high.

So if your work is not of quality, you will hear about it in evaluation interviews or maybe even just at the coffee machine.

The first thing you can do is stay calm. This can be very difficult; as someone recently admitted to me, she had such a hard time dealing with criticism that even though she tried to stay calm, tears still welled up in her eyes.

This actually made things worse by shifting the focus from criticism to a focus on especially not crying while your manager tries to tell you what you can do better. By focusing on "the tears," you don't get half of it.

Staying calm and in the here and now ensures that you do take the criticism. It's still not fun then. If you find it hard not to jump right out of your skin when you can respond you can always say, "I need to process this for a while." Then walk away.

It is also helpful to keep in mind that it is often scary to criticize as well. That also takes courage. On the other hand, if the criticism is given very intensely, such as with raised voices and swear words, there is often also more going on in the personal life of the person giving criticism.

You can confront, but that often doesn't help. Instead, look for points in the critique that you can relate to. Trying out new things, coming in late and if you don't understand something ask for more clarity as well.

"You're right that being late is not acceptable."

"Doing my job differently should be possible, what would you start with if you were me?"

If you need to approach something differently, for example, you can ask for their ideas on how you can then approach something differently.

What is also important is to see criticism not as an attack on your ability, but as an addition to what you already do well. It can happen that criticism can make you feel like you're really super stupid, and that's a shame. You then start repeating the criticism in your head and criticizing yourself at everything.

This is the path to fear of failure, and that’s a shame because failure—and the growth that comes with it—is a natural part of life.

Dealing with unfair criticism

Unjust criticism is very annoying. Even more annoying is that you can feel this way about things that were actually your responsibility. Managers don't like it when you start explaining why something went wrong or come up with evidence that something is just not right in how they see it.

Accept the criticism if something was your responsibility and show your manager in the future that you took his criticism to heart.

Accepting unjustified criticism is difficult, so you have to accept some of it. Find a point in the criticism that you agree with and indicate that you will do something with that part of the criticism.

However, is something not your responsibility? Then you can indicate to the manager that another colleague was responsible for that part of the work. Just make sure that wasn't someone you were supervising, because then it would be your responsibility.

In that case, you can indicate that you will use new ways to control people working under your responsibility.

Feeling attacked in your personal life

Criticism is also something you can get in your personal life. Children often want to criticize their parents in their teenage years and later. Father and mother could have done sus or so better. Even then it is important to take that criticism to heart, but not to justify things you can't do anything about, such as the behavior of others.

For example, if your partner has become an alcoholic and your child confronts you about it, you can make it very clear that this was not your responsibility. That is your partner’s behavior, not yours.

If your child specifically says that they weren’t getting enough attention, you can check to see if that’s true and acknowledge it if it is. This gives your child a sense of validation for their emotions, which can help them find closure.

Improve self-confidence for dealing with criticism

To not feel attacked whether in your personal life or at work, it is important to have your self-confidence in order. Managers also indicate that the level of self-confidence a person has is a predictor of how defensive people become after being criticized.

By improving your self-confidence, it is possible to actually get more out of those critical moments than if you can't take criticism.

For example, you can use self-hypnosis to maintain a positive self-image, self-worth, and self-confidence. This doesn’t mean you’re perfect or that you don’t have to take criticism to heart, but it does mean you can make criticism work for you rather than against you.

By repeating hypnotic suggestions, you can strengthen the confidence that you are good at your job and also the confidence that you can receive criticism just right.

You can also use visualizations on how to properly handle criticism. For example, you can visualize staying calm. That you listen to what is said rather than how it is said and that you respond calmly possibly initially only with "I just need to process this."

Visualizing such a conversation increases the likelihood that such a conversation in reality will also be more calm and that you can do more with the criticism you receive.

Would you like to learn more about the benefits of hypnosis? Then join a free online masterclass or check out the courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands.

Also listen to this podcast on getting critiqued:

Sources:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/columnist/kay/2013/02/15/at-work-criticism-sensitivity/1921903/

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/dealing-with-criticism-how-to-handle-criticism