Date anxiety: Hypnosis to date relaxed again

Super queasy before you send someone a message at all, or so nervous that when you do make an appointment for a date, you cancel it. Date anxiety is real, and can occur at all ages.

Just last year I helped a woman who always got through the first date relaxed, but then she became anxious about the second date anyway.

Dating anxiety can make it very difficult to start a relationship, even though that’s often something most people value. Dating anxiety is an obstacle you’ll want to overcome to be happier in the long run.

So where does that leave us? And what can you do to go into your date feeling relaxed, whether it's the first, second or third date? In this blog article, you're going to find out how to overcome date anxiety.

Cause date anxiety

Getting to the root of a problem is often done by addressing the cause of the problem. There are several possible causes for date anxiety, namely:

1. Social anxiety
2. Fear of rejection
3. Fear of rejection
4. Fear of date aggression
5. Anxiety due to past relationships

Social anxiety and date anxiety

In itself, this one does make sense, if you are already somewhat anxious in general during social situations then chances are you have date anxiety as a result. It's not that you have a lower chance of getting dates if you suffer from social anxiety compared to people who don't, but your expectations are different.

For example, you might already assume beforehand that it won’t work out at all[1], and that’s actually a very counterproductive form of priming, which prevents you from being open to the possibility that the date could be really fun—and thus causes you to reject the date.

One way to overcome this fear regarding dating is to accept dates for once instead of rejecting them. Sometimes confronting the fear is all you need to overcome it.

Do you find this exciting? Then a hypnotherapist or hypnocoach can help you by first going on a "date" in hypnosis. Visualizing how you act and how you start the date unbiased. You can even practice how you act when you like the other person, and how to stop the date if after an hour or so you still notice that this really isn't him/her.

Fear of rejection and date anxiety

People may fear rejection, but they may also fear rejecting others[2]. Let’s start with the fear of rejection. This can develop early in life, such as when you can’t find a playmate at school, or when you’re the last to be chosen to play on a certain team.

The fear of rejection does have some consequences that are very awkward when you are dating. For example, you may think you are showing very clear signs of interest to someone, but in reality that is not the case[3].

So you think you are making romantic gestures that are recognizable, such as making eye contact.

But for the other person, that eye contact is not an obvious flirtation attempt.

This can make you feel rejected when the other person didn't even know whether to respond to you or not.

This can, incidentally, stem from difficulty forming attachments and/or from having been rejected in the past.

The misunderstanding often arises because you as the "sender" think that the "receiver" takes your fears into account when he or she sees your communication attempts, but that is so not the case. Chances are very high that the other person does not know that you suffer from fears and therefore cannot even take them into account.

Researchers indicate that if someone suffers from loneliness and attachment issues, social skills training can be helpful in preventing these kinds of misunderstandings.

Hypnosis can help in several ways; on the one hand, attachment problems and the fear of rejection can be processed.

On the other hand, you can visualize how to flirt with someone in a clear way, or communicate that you like the other person, making it clear that the other person may communicate a "yes" or "no."

Ultimately, good communication is important in any relationship, and this is true from the beginning.

Fear of turning down a date

The fear of rejecting a date can have 2 causes, namely the fear of how the date will react to it in turn (such as aggressive or stalkerish) or the fear of the unpleasant feelings it will bring up in yourself as well.

You may also be afraid of being judged by others—for example, that you’re mean or heartless if you reject someone. In addition, you may be afraid that this will make you feel guilty[4].

That’s incredibly awkward, because someone is simply either a good match for you or they aren’t. To address this, it can be helpful to examine your beliefs about dating, relationships, and why rejecting someone can be so painful.

This is something that can be achieved through hypnosis using regression and even conversational hypnosis. During the initial consultation, it’s already possible to explore whether certain beliefs make sense or not, and sometimes conversational suggestions can provide many new insights right away—which at the very least helps you avoid feeling guilty if you do have to turn someone down.

As a woman, after rejecting someone you may still feel glum, confused and anxious, in addition to feeling guilty (source 4).

Fear of date aggression

That there is fear of date aggression is actually not surprising. The strange thing is that it is often caused by a social anxiety in the man. If he has social fears that other people will think negatively of him, he is more likely to become aggressive, this can be either physical aggression or emotional aggression[5].

Which is actually a little strange, because if you act aggressively you will get negative judgment on you anyway.

The annoying thing is that the quality of the relationship a person has does not actually affect the aggression, it is really the fear of negative judgment.

Red flag, then, if someone gets aggressive. Even though you're the best partner ever, if that person doesn't do anything about his (or her) fears causing the aggression ... there's a chance of recurrence.

Of course, it is a shame if you let this fear prevent you from enjoying dating, but at the same time, it is not a strange fear.

There are several things you can do to reduce this anxiety, such as taking a self-defense class, bringing a friend along on the date (turn it into a double date if necessary), and practicing setting boundaries.

All of this can also be practiced while in hypnosis. You can then even learn how to stay calm in a difficult situation, so that you are not already anxious when nothing is happening.

Anxiety due to past relationships

A previous bad relationship can also cause you to suffer from date anxiety. After all, what if it does backfire? How do you make sure you have the insight to avoid falling into the same trap again?

In that case, processing the trauma of the bad relationship can be a good step toward getting back into dating with greater peace of mind.

Research shows that hypnosis can help well in processing a traumatic relationship and ensuring that people do not suffer from anxiety related to it[6].

This can be done in four stages.

In the first stage, you help the client in a preliminary conversation to find out what the problem is now and what possible causes are. This phase also explains how hypnosis works and what people can expect from it.

The second phase focuses more on negative beliefs that prevent people from returning to living life to its fullest. You then repair those so that the feelings of "I can do this" are strengthened.

In the third stage, you actually get to work on giving traumatic memories a new place, so that it is also processed emotionally and no longer stuck in the body.

In the final fourth stage, you strengthen personal growth and get more inspiration about where you want to go in your life. This is also to prevent a relapse into the depressive feelings that can arise from the trauma.

Hypnosis against date anxiety

So hypnosis can do something in many ways to help people overcome date anxiety.

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