Super queasy before you send someone a message at all, or so nervous that when you do make an appointment for a date, you cancel it. Date anxiety is real, and can occur at all ages.
Just last year I helped a woman who always got through the first date relaxed, but then she became anxious about the second date anyway.
Date anxiety can make it very difficult to start a relationship, even though it is often something most people care about. Date anxiety is an obstacle you want to overcome, in order to be happier in the long run.
So where does that leave us? And what can you do to go into your date feeling relaxed, whether it's the first, second or third date? In this blog article, you're going to find out how to overcome date anxiety.
Cause date anxiety
Getting to the root of a problem is often done by addressing the cause of the problem. There are several possible causes for date anxiety, namely:
- Social anxiety
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of date aggression
- Anxiety due to past relationships
Social anxiety and date anxiety
In itself, this one does make sense, if you are already somewhat anxious in general during social situations then chances are you have date anxiety as a result. It's not that you have a lower chance of getting dates if you suffer from social anxiety compared to people who don't, but your expectations are different.
For example, you think in advance that it's not going to be anything at all[1], and that's actually very awkward priming, which means you don't open yourself up to the possibility that the date will be very nice and thus reject the date.
One way to overcome this fear regarding dating is to accept dates for once instead of rejecting them. Sometimes confronting the fear is all you need to overcome it.
Do you find this exciting? Then a hypnotherapist or hypnocoach can help you by first going on a "date" in hypnosis. Visualizing how you act and how you start the date unbiased. You can even practice how you act when you like the other person, and how to stop the date if after an hour or so you still notice that this really isn't him/her.
Fear of rejection and date anxiety
People can have fear of rejection, as well as fear of rejection[2]. First, let's start with fear of rejection. This can arise early in our lives, such as when you don't find a playmate at school, or are chosen last to play on a certain team.
The fear of rejection does have some consequences that are very awkward when you are dating. For example, you may think you are showing very clear signs of interest to someone, but in reality that is not the case[3].
So you think you are making romantic gestures that are recognizable, such as making eye contact.
But for the other person, that eye contact is not an obvious flirtation attempt.
This can make you feel rejected when the other person didn't even know whether to respond to you or not.
By the way, this may be due to poor attachment and/or previous rejection.
The misunderstanding often arises because you as the "sender" think that the "receiver" takes your fears into account when he or she sees your communication attempts, but that is so not the case. Chances are very high that the other person does not know that you suffer from fears and therefore cannot even take them into account.
Researchers indicate that if someone suffers from loneliness and attachment problems, training in social skills can be helpful in preventing such misunderstandings.
Hypnosis can help in several ways; on the one hand, attachment problems and the fear of rejection can be processed.
On the other hand, you can visualize how to flirt with someone in a clear way, or communicate that you like the other person, making it clear that the other person may communicate a "yes" or "no."
Ultimately, good communication is important in any relationship, and this is true from the beginning.
Fear of turning down a date
The fear of rejecting a date can have 2 causes, namely the fear of how the date will react to it in turn (such as aggressive or stalkerish) or the fear of the unpleasant feelings it will bring up in yourself as well.
You may also fear judgments from others, such as being mean or heartless if you reject someone. In addition, you may fear that it will make you feel guilty[4].
This is incredibly inconvenient because someone simply may or may not be a good fit for you. For this, it may be helpful to examine your beliefs about dating, relationships and why rejecting someone is bad.
This is something that can be done with hypnosis with regression and even conversational hypnosis. The preliminary conversation can already explore whether beliefs are logical or not, and sometimes conversational suggestions can then provide many new insights that will at least keep you from fearing guilt if you do have to reject someone.
As a woman, after rejecting someone you may still feel glum, confused and anxious, in addition to feeling guilty (source 4).
Fear of date aggression
That there is fear of date aggression is actually not surprising. The strange thing is that it is often caused by a social anxiety in the man. If he has social fears that other people will think negatively of him, he is more likely to become aggressive, this can be either physical aggression or emotional aggression[5].
Which is actually a little strange, because if you act aggressively you will get negative judgment on you anyway.
The annoying thing is that the quality of the relationship a person has does not actually affect the aggression, it is really the fear of negative judgment.
Red flag, then, if someone gets aggressive. Even though you're the best partner ever, if that person doesn't do anything about his (or her) fears causing the aggression ... there's a chance of recurrence.
Of course, it is a shame if you let this fear prevent you from enjoying dating, but at the same time, it is not a strange fear.
There are several things you can do to reduce this anxiety, such as going to self-defense class, bringing a friend on the date (make it a double date if necessary) and practicing setting boundaries.
All of this can also be practiced while in hypnosis. You can then even learn how to stay calm in a difficult situation, so that you are not already anxious when nothing is happening.
Anxiety due to past relationships
A previous bad relationship can also cause you to suffer from date anxiety. After all, what if it does backfire? How do you make sure you have the insight to avoid falling into the same trap again?
In that case, processing the trauma of the bad relationship can be a good step to get back to dating with more peace of mind after all.
Research shows that hypnosis can help well in processing a traumatic relationship and ensuring that people do not suffer from anxiety related to it[6].
This can be done in four stages.
In the first stage, you help the client in a preliminary conversation to find out what the problem is now and what possible causes are. This phase also explains how hypnosis works and what people can expect from it.
The second phase focuses more on negative beliefs that prevent people from returning to living life to its fullest. You then repair those so that the feelings of "I can do this" are strengthened.
In the third stage, you actually get to work on giving traumatic memories a new place, so that it is also processed emotionally and no longer stuck in the body.
In the final fourth stage, you strengthen personal growth and get more inspiration about where you want to go in your life. This is also to prevent a relapse into the depressive feelings that can arise from the trauma.
Hypnosis against date anxiety
So hypnosis can do something in many ways to help people overcome date anxiety.
Want to learn more about this? Then come to a free online master class.
Or register directly for one of our events and trainings.
Click here for our training courses.
Have a question about our training? Schedule a 1-on-1 consultation here.
Sources:
