A while back I saw an interview of Duff, the bassist of Guns n'Roses, on YouTube about his addiction to booze and drugs. He knocked over his brother when his family held an intervention, so he clearly wasn't mentally ready to work on quitting his addiction.
But why doesn't an addict listen when you tell them to stop, and what can you do to help an addict?
Ultimately, Duff needed his pancreas to have a severe inflammation before he said goodbye to drugs and booze for good. He was literally on the verge of death and can consider himself lucky to be alive. This is something he is certainly aware of now as well.
Still, he thinks things could have turned out differently if people had handled his addiction differently.
From his brother's perspective, this must have been an incredibly frustrating moment. After all, he had wanted him to quit years in advance, but Duff wasn't ready.
"Just quitting" booze and drugs is not at all ordinary for someone who is addicted.
Even for people who have overcome addiction, the way their brain worked at the time is something they marvel at. An important job interview or presentation the next day? Just go out and get drunk.
Had a date with your loved one? Better cancel that one to get high, on your own or not.
Or stay awake the night before a wedding party, because fascinating that an immediate family member is getting married and you are spoiling his/her day by being tired and under the influence.
To know how things could have gone differently, you must first know why an addict won't listen and what you can do next.
Behavior of an addict
An addict cannot simply quit from his/her own power. A person who is an addict will only stop his/her addiction when they have the conviction to stop. If they don't have that mental state, it's not going to happen.
To avoid having to quit their addiction, addicts often deny that they have a problem.Or, on the contrary, they think the problem is not that big and that they do have control over the amount of drugs they use.
For someone who is not an addict, your mouth can drop open in amazement when you see the reasons addicts can come up with to use anyway. Even if it totally doesn't fit the stressful situation outside of addiction.
Reasons why an addict persists
As mentioned, all kinds of things can be at stake, including health, relationships and even work, and yet addicts continue.
Emotions
This is often because addicts struggle with their emotions and cannot imagine their life without drinking or drugs.
In doing so, it is easier to be high than to feel every emotion every day at every moment.
Image shown to the environment
Also at stake is the image people have about the addict. For example, the addict may think he is sneaky enough and that if he goes to rehab, suddenly everyone knows he has that problem. This then does not fit the self-image he/she wants to give to the outside world.
That in itself, then, is another reason to continue using drugs mostly because it can be done secretly anyway and no one "gets it."
Time
The time the rehab or treatment takes can also be an excuse to do nothing in particular. After all, you can't take that much time off. You can't spend that much time away from your children and the rest of your family.
Sense of control
Everyone wants to live life his/her own way. Then when you take treatment for addiction you may feel like you are losing that control, when in fact you have already lost it. Suddenly, all kinds of therapists and experts by experience start telling you what to do to regain control, making you, as an addict, feel completely out of control.
Then, as an addict, you go on to say that you do control everything and that everyone should mind their own business.
Giving up is easier than getting up
If an addict does attempt to go to rehab and it doesn't go well in one go. That chance is quite high, then the relapse is also the immediate reason to stop trying to quit the addiction in the first place.
They fear that no treatment will have any effect on them and also for the process of withdrawal. Any excuse to quit is then used so they don't have to face their fears.
While the demand to quit may be the trigger to do something about it, assume it won't go well in 1 sitting.
What you can do to help an addict
As mentioned, the addict must come to the realization themselves that they have a problem and want to do something about it.
There are a number of ways to help the addict realize they have a problem, but as Duff's example shows, this can also go wrong and you should not be surprised if someone is knocked over when the addict goes on the run.
Intervention
During an intervention, you show the addict that you love him/her along with other friends and family members of the addict. Precisely by doing this with a group, the addict can feel more strongly about this. Also because then the image that "the environment" has of him/her is the right image anyway and he/she was not good at hiding the addiction.
During an intervention, you can make it clear to the addict how his/her behavior affects your life and that of the rest of the group.
Stop giving too much support
The addict certainly needs support. Often in the sense of infinite patience so that he/she can fall and get up during the process of rehab and keep faith that the love of those around him/her is unconditional.
But some support actually supports addiction. Giving money, solving social and legal problems are all things that keep him/her from having to face his/her addiction, because you deal with the consequences instead of the addict himself/herself.
If you find it difficult to stop over-supporting the addict, a hypnotherapist can help you figure out what beliefs are causing this and give you techniques so you are mentally stronger to say "no" when needed.
Delve into addiction
Unfortunately, addiction is not something you can always stop with willpower. For addictions that are primarily mental, such as with a weed addiction or a sugar addiction, small treatments with hypnosis can be enough to stop.
But for physical addictions, such as an alcoholor drug addiction, the addiction affects the chemical functioning of the body. Therefore, addiction is often a disease as well. Suddenly quitting booze can even be dangerous in severe addictions and should always be done under the supervision of a doctor.
Empathize with the addict
Compassion often gets you only so far. By imagining how the addict feels, you can often better support him/her. Improving empathy is also important during rehab. Memory often still exists and he/she will remember your empathy and therefore have more empathy with your situation during rehab and in his/her later sober life from during addiction.
Timing
Offering help and even professional intervention must be done at the right time. After bad news or in public is often a bad idea. You yourself should be calm and so should the addict when you bring up the subject of quitting addiction. Then you are most likely to have a normal conversation.
What will you do?
What if the addict has suddenly reached the point of wanting to accept help? It is wise to already have the next step then, such as a list of therapists, hypnotists or rehab clinics from which he/she can choose to get help with the addiction. By acting quickly, you also don't give the addict time to go back on his/her decision.
Want to learn more about mental techniques for dealing with addictions and addicts without losing yourself? Then come to a seminar or playshop and check out Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' trainings.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-craving-brain/201708/they-wont-stop-because-they-cant-stop
