Overcoming fear of the dark and being able to do something at night again

Being afraid of the dark is a fear most people have had at one time or another. It is a fear that is common in children, and in some cases it also occurs in adults. Fear of the dark can disrupt your life quite a bit, especially in the wintertime. If you prefer not to walk through the dark at night, it can be very inconvenient for your freedom of movement to and from work.

To ensure that you, or your child, have less fear of the dark, in this blog I will discuss that fear and what you can do for children and adults to get rid of the fear of the dark.

What is fear of the dark?

Fear of the dark actually has different degrees. If you can't see a hand in front of your eyes, it can be quite frightening, but darkness of the night in which you can just barely see something can also cause anxiety.

In itself, the fear of the dark is quite logical. After all, you can't see what's in the dark, and that's where danger can lurk.

However, you usually know what is in your own home, so you don't have to fear the darkness in your home.

Fear of the dark on the street is already more justified because you are sharing that space with wildlife and other people. Unfortunately, crime statistics also show that more thefts are committed in the winter months than in the summer months and that this is due to the amount of hours without sun during this time of year.

Children who are afraid of the dark

Children are often afraid of the dark even at home. Fear is an emotion that we are all familiar with and it is mainly related to having to overcome new things each time. Therefore, as a child, you face fear every day.

Fear of the dark in children can arise when they have more ability to imagine something. If their imagination can imagine that there is something in the dark that they cannot see, this can cause the fear of the dark(1).

For example, I know a story of a brother and sister. The brother was 3 years old and the sister was just 2. At that time, the brother was afraid of the dark and the sister always turned on the light in the hallway because he was afraid to do so. In fact, she was not afraid (yet). Because she had absolutely no idea that someone (or a monster) would hide in the dark.

So it may indeed happen that your child who is never afraid of anything suddenly becomes afraid of the dark. At that age, children still find it difficult to see fantasy and reality separately, and therefore the fear may arise.

Helping child against fear of the dark

One way to help your child get rid of the fear of the dark is to have the television on less often. The television is still really an exploration of the world for a small child. Things that we as adults find very normal can be very scary to children. For example, consider Roald Dahl's horror series in which one person's reflection takes over the other person's life while he himself gets stuck in the mirror. If a younger child is watching along with an older child who can already handle this, it is important to give the younger child another activity.

What you especially shouldn't do is say their fears don't make sense.

Then they feel guilty and may be ashamed of it which prevents them from sharing their fear with you and you can't do anything about it.

Above all, stay calm when your child tells you that he is afraid of the dark and explain to him/her that it is perfectly normal and what that fear is. Above all, don't make the fear bigger than it is.

Don't let your child sleep with you or with a sibling. Then your child will not learn how to deal with anxiety. You can, however, agree that you will check if everything is all right and give your child the choice to do so in 5 minutes or 2 hours. Then you give your child the feeling that you are there to protect him/her.

Research is also now underway on how virtual reality can help overcome fear of the dark in children between 8 and 12 years old. Initial results are promising(3).

Cause of fear of the dark in adults

If your fear of the dark recurs or does not go away as an adult, there may be several reasons for this. As for fear of the dark in your own home, it may be due to experiences you have had, such as missing a step on the stairs and then taking an ugly fall as a result.

Sometimes it can also just be the childhood fantasy that still haunts you as an adult reinforced with statistical evidence.

Research also shows that there is a correlation between how well a person sleeps and fear of the dark(2). If someone does not sleep well, they are more anxious in the dark than if someone does sleep well. The study also examined how people responded to sound in a dark room.

The good sleepers got used to the sound while the bad sleepers actually became more fearful of the sound than the good sleepers. The imagination was stimulated by the sound and instead of repetition (and no consequence) causing nothing to happen, the bad sleepers only became more anxious from repetition of the sound.

Overcoming fear of the dark

There are a number of things you can do to overcome your fear of the dark. You can very rationally overcome your fear of the dark by securing your home super well. There are also mental techniques you can use.

Tip #1: Good sleep hygiene

Good sleep hygiene is important to reduce fear of the dark at bedtime. So you try not to be too active and relax your brain. So watching a horror movie or reading a suspenseful book is not recommended.

Tip 2: Meditate to relax

Instead, you can meditate to relax. You sit or lie down and focus your attention on your breathing. You make sure your inhales and exhales are of equal length. So for example, 3 counts of inhaling and 3 counts of exhaling. This shifts your attention to the here and now and you are less likely to fantasize.

Tip 3: Visualize a relaxing place

Then, when you are relaxed, you can use this tip to fantasize directed. You then visualize a safe and relaxing place. Like the beach or a forest. Here you visualize not only what you see, but also what you feel and what emotion you have in that safe place.

For example, you can feel the warmth of the sun on your face.

You feel nice and therefore want to curl up.

A ladybug, or something you think is cute, lands on your hand.

Tip 4: Get treated with NLP

NLP allows you to link emotions to certain situations. If relaxing and visualizing doesn't help, even after a workshop or course, someone specializing in NLP can make sure you actually link positive emotions to the darkness and release the fear of the darkness.

Tip 5: Use positive phrases

You can use this tip in conjunction with self-hypnosis after using the breathing exercise to relax yourself. For example, you repeat positive phrases that increase your confidence and reduce anxiety.

For example, you can repeat the following phrases:

My home is well secured.
I am strong.
Darkness is a sign of relaxation.

Tip 6: Seek help with regression therapy

If these tips don't help, sometimes there may have been an event in your life that convinced you that it's dangerous in the dark. By finding that event, you can identify the cause of your belief or fear and find out that it is not rational. For example, a scary movie you saw as a child may be the cause. With regression therapy , you can find out what that cause is.

Tip 7: Seek help with guided hypnotherapy

Repeating positive phrases and visualizing are self-hypnosis techniques. If you find this difficult to do on your own, a hypnotherapist can help. The hypnotherapist can help you think of new images and gain new beliefs about the dark.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can also be used in the process. CBT techniques help you confront your anxiety and they help you respond well to anxiety and CBT helps you not panic.

Want to learn more about mental techniques to control or properly use your imagination? Then come to a free online master class on hypnosis or check out the training courses of the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands or attend a workshop or seminar.

Also pin this handy infographic as a reminder:

fear of the dark

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