Making Friends: How hypnosis helps you find friends
You know the drill, every time you move to the next stage of life you lose a few friends. From elementary school to high school, you suddenly missed that friend who had to take a different grade level and therefore entered a totally different school. When you went to college you missed friends who went to a different school and when you started working you found out that your college friends were really just your college friends
Many adults really only have friends they know from work, and they are often only a handful. Whereas during adolescence you could easily throw a party for 20 friends, now you are happy if you can invite more than two.
Not having friends
As a result, you may suddenly run out of friends. For example, if you're one of the first or last in your friend group to have a family, you may have such a different life that it's still hard to fit in. Where you want to talk about your sweet baby, your friend only wants to talk about going out or otherwise. This can get tiresome after a while.
Chances are, you then suddenly have only your family to fall back on. Depending on the family you have, this can make you feel good or bad.
I don't need friends
Now you can think to yourself that you don't need friends. You manage just fine on your own and are very good with entertaining yourself. You may also have enough of your own family.
This statement isn’t necessarily right or wrong. Research shows that friendships and social connections are important for your mental health. For example, many people who have friends are less depressed and anxious than people who have few or no friends.
However, the friends you have and how you interact with your friends can also be a negative influence. Indeed, women who have few resources for money or energy, for example, may actually suffer from mental problems if the friendship feels obligatory and if they act primarily as support-givers rather than support-receivers.
So friendships are important, but make sure that the friendship you have is two-sided and that not everything comes from your side.
Make new friends
Have you realized that friendships are important and that friends can inspire you to be your best and therefore you want to make new friends? Then I have good news for you, because even though making friends is not as automatic as it used to be, it is certainly not impossible.
Find Friends
Finding friends is pretty easy these days. You even have groups on Facebook specifically for people who are ready for a new friendship. On those groups, requests are posted to go out for a date and you name it.
This allows you to go on a friendship date of sorts to see if a friendship is in the cards.
Think it's a little weird to befriend a total stranger? Then you can also take a slightly more classic approach and, for example, invite a colleague or someone from your sports club to do something fun with you sometime.
If this does not turn into a friendship, don't take this too personally. There are certain zones you can get into that make you more of an acquaintance than a true friend.
Most importantly, don't leave things to chance and keep networking to find the friends you care about.
Threat to my relationship zone
Can you talk very well with a certain couple you met somewhere, but never get beyond greeting each other happily at the supermarket afterwards? Then the partner of 1 of the 2 may have placed you in the "threat to my relationship zone." Actually, that is a compliment, because you are thus a nice person. Unfortunately, 1 of the 2 is then insecure about her or his own niceness and therefore it never goes beyond the cheerful greeting at the supermarket.
Business Knowledge Zone
Think the friend-zone during dating for a romantic partner is terrible? Then the business knowledge zone is also incredibly annoying. With now more than 1 million zzp'ers in the Netherlands, networking is something many people do. For many salaried people it is also part of the job.
During this networking you can meet people you want to get to know beyond business, but when you invite them out for a drink you find out that that is a step too far. Too bad, but then you are in the business knowledge zone.
How to make friends
In this age of social media, you’d think making new friends would be a breeze, but unfortunately, our phones can also get in the way. When you finally do meet up with someone, they might be so preoccupied with their phone that you almost automatically end up disliking them.
Studies also show that when there is no phone in sight people often liked the appointment more than when there was just a phone on the table, even if nothing else was done with it.
So put your phone on silent and especially leave it in your bag. Make sure it stays out of sight of the person with whom you want to build a friendship.
Go do something active
Research shows that dating (yes for the romantic partner) works best with something that releases adrenaline. Taking a hike together, going to the beach, visiting an amusement park or some other touristy thing can therefore be very useful. You immediately have something to talk about other than work or sports (if that's where you know the person from) and through this you can find out all kinds of fun things.
Afterwards, you can unwind on a terrace or in a cafe.
Let the other person talk
Maybe you are very busy being liked. You want to show your best side and tell all kinds of anecdotes that show how nice, cool and social you are. Don't forget to let the other person talk too. This shows that you are genuinely interested in him/her.
How hypnosis helps you find friends who are right for you
You’ve just received all kinds of practical tips for making friends, but reading tips and applying them are two different things. For example, it can be bad for your self-confidence if you find yourself in a situation that’s close to friendship but not quite there.
In this case, hypnosis can help you maintain confidence in yourself and in the likelihood of success. This can be done, for example, with hypnotic suggestions, such as:
"I only want friends who want to be friends with me."
"It's good when I take the time to find the right friends."
"I can offer a good listening ear."
"Friends accept me as I am."
These types of hypnotic suggestions can be repeated at home during self-hypnosis. If these suggestions don't work, a hypnotherapist can help you with suggestions that better fit your beliefs about yourself and friendship.
Guided visualization about the friendship date
Are you unsure about making an appointment with someone you'd like to be friends with? Are you afraid that you will completely shut down and act nervous because this is very important to you?
Even then, hypnosis can help you cope with these feelings better. This can be done, for example, through guided visualization. During the guided visualization, your imagination is stimulated, allowing you to vividly picture how such a situation could turn out well. This also helps reduce your nerves and builds your confidence in a friendly date.
In a guided visualization, the hypnotherapist first helps you relax. Then, through spoken text and the way he says it, he can stimulate your imagination. For example, the text might be.
"You've arranged to meet a colleague from work to grab a drink on a terrace. You walk to his/her desk and together you walk to the terrace near your work. You order your favorite drink and sit back and relax on the patio chair. Your colleague does the same. You then ask your colleague how he/she is getting on and then you ask about your colleague's favorite series/football club/holiday plans. You let him/her elaborate and ask further about fun situations if this can go with what he/she is saying. If necessary, you also tell more about your favorite series/football club/holiday plans to deepen the conversation and encourage your colleague to tell something about him/her. You don't judge and listen attentively. In the end, this makes you have a pleasant conversation and you also know whether this colleague should come along again or not."
This is just an example of the text that can be used. In doing so, you miss the intonation and tone of voice of the hypnotist. It is therefore wise to train yourself or go to a hypnotist for best results.
Would you like to learn more about mental techniques to get the most out of life? Then check out the book *Break Free* or attend one of the events hosted by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands.
Sources:
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1093/jurban/78.3.458