Trauma: How your perception holds you captive (and how to free yourself in 5 seconds)

Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about the truth. I'm talking about the truth about trauma. A subject that hardly anyone dares to talk about, at least not in the way we are going to do today.

Because let’s be honest: when we talk about trauma, we often dive straight into the heaviness of it. We’re talking about terrible events, about grief, about pain that never goes away. But what if I told you that the biggest misconception about trauma lies precisely there—in the focus on what happened?

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Trauma: it's not because of the event

Yes, you read that right. And I know this is a hard sell for some people. Maybe you're already in the scaffolding, ready to say, "Edwin, how can you say that? Do you even know what I went through?" And believe me, I know terrible things happen in the world. But the core truth that almost no one talks about is this: trauma is not due to the event itself.

Imagine, and this is an example I often use because it's so nice and simple, you go to a party with a friend. The exact same party. The same music, the same snacks, the same people. Afterwards I ask you, "How was it?" And you say, "Great! What a top party, that music was fantastic." Then I ask the other person, and he says, "Terrible. What a racket, and those people were exhausting."

The same party, two completely different experiences. Does that mean one party is “good” and the other “bad”? No. It’s all about perception. “Yes, but Edwin,” I hear you thinking, “that’s a matter of taste. That has nothing to do with trauma, does it? If I was beaten by my father and someone else was too, aren’t we going through the same thing? Aren’t we both traumatized?”

And that’s where the fallacy lies. Because although the event is terrible (let’s be clear about that), in practice you see something very interesting. There are people who remain traumatized their entire lives because of such a childhood. And everyone says, “Of course—it’s that father’s fault.” But there are also people who have gone through exactly the same thing—who were systematically beaten—and who are doing just fine now. In fact, there are people who have actually drawn strength from that experience.

How to. If the event caused the trauma, then everyone who experiences it should have the same result. But they don't. What matters is how you experience that event. How your brain processes that information.

The glasses through which you look

Our brain is a fascinating tool. And the beauty of it is: we have a choice in how we use that tool. We can view the world through different lenses. Every question you ask about an event forces your brain to look through a specific lens.

If you ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?” or “Why did this happen to me?”, you’re putting on a pair of glasses that immediately cast you in the role of a victim. Your brain starts searching for answers that confirm that feeling. Your perspective becomes narrower and narrower.

But what if you ask a different question? What if you ask, "What is the gift hidden in this?"

I know, that may sound floaty or even provocative to some if you're in deep pain. But you force your brain on a different track with this. You force yourself to look at the situation differently. And of course, you have to want it. If you want to hold on to your rightness and your pain, this won't work. But if you're done with it, if you want to leave that ballast behind, then this is the way.

Ask yourself: What did that event teach me? Who have I become because of what I’ve been through? Perhaps those difficult experiences have turned you into someone who absolutely does not want to hurt other people. That is an incredible gift to the world around you. That is strength.

The power of repetition

There’s a quote from my old trainer, Richard Bandler, that has always stuck with me. He once said to someone who had been suffering for years from a traumatic experience: “Gee, you were abused just once, but you keep replaying it over and over in your head. You probably think about it a hundred times a day. Wasn’t that one time enough?”

The person, of course, was in shock. "How dare you say that?" But reality sank in: yes, that one time was more than enough. Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we reproduce that event thousands of times in our heads?

What do you think that does to your identity? To your self-confidence? To your self-love? If you mentally replay a negative event thousands of times, you’ve been mentally beaten up thousands of times. Even though it may have only happened once physically. Your brain doesn’t distinguish between a vivid memory and reality. To your nervous system, it’s happening all over again right now.

Why talking often doesn't help

This is where many mainstream therapies miss the mark. Talking about your problem often only makes it worse; there are even psychology scientists who are now taking a critical look at this[1]. Why? Because you retell the story, revisit the emotion, and only strengthen the neural pathways of that trauma. You're creating an ever-increasing defense mechanism.

And then there are methods like EMDR. Don’t get me wrong—EMDR can work wonders[2]. But it has a drawback: your brain instinctively wants to escape that unpleasant feeling. No one wants to relive that pain. With EMDR, you have to hold onto that image and that feeling while being offered a distraction. If you can do that, it’s great. But many people can’t hold onto that image because their survival mechanism pulls them away from it. And if you can’t hold onto it, you can’t resolve it either.

Grasping to let go

In the hypnotherapy we teach, we take a different approach. Hypnosis is also significantly effective against, for example, PTSD symptoms[3].

So how long does it take to let go of something? People often say, "Years, Edwin. That takes years of therapy."

Nonsense. Letting go takes a second. But, and this is crucial, in order to let go of something, you must first grasp it.

Look at your hand. If I ask you to let go of your phone, but you don’t have a phone in your hand, then there’s nothing to let go of. You have to grab it first. It works the same way with trauma. You go back to that moment for just a moment. You relive it, but only very briefly. Five seconds. You grasp it, you feel: “Okay, here it is,” and then you let it go immediately.

That is the power of hypnosis. In a trance, it surfaces; you can’t run away from it; you embrace it, and we “reprint” the experience immediately. We give your brain a new perspective, so that you, as it were, “grow up again” with a different sense of self.

The physical toll of trauma

Don’t underestimate the impact on your body. I remember a woman who came to see me; her body was riddled with inflammation. Her blood inflammation markers were through the roof. She had tried every medication imaginable, but nothing helped.

Research also shows that childhood trauma increases certain levels of inflammation in adult life[4].

During one session, we came to a very intense situation from her childhood. Something she had tucked away deeply, but which her body was still "screaming" about. We addressed that situation. She relived it very briefly, grabbed it and released it under my guidance. After the session, she felt like a limp doll, so relaxed was she.

A few weeks later, she had to have her blood drawn again. Guess what? Her inflammation levels were completely normal.

This is what happens when you remove the emotional component, the traumatic perception. You can take medicine all you want, but if the source is an unprocessed trauma, you're mopping the faucet.

Summary

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s never the event itself. It’s always your perception of the event. And I know this is a sensitive topic. I’m not saying this to downplay the suffering of victims. In the moment, the pain is real and terrible.

But if the pain is still controlling your life years later, that’s something your brain is doing. Not consciously, of course not! If you could consciously change it, you would have done so long ago. So would I.

Most people do not come through life untraumatized.

But it doesn't have to stay with you. You don't have to lug around that ballast. Change your perspective. Grab it for a moment, release it with the right guidance, and become the director of your own life again.

Did you find this an interesting story? If so, please leave a thumbs up or leave a comment on your favorite channel. I read them all and I love hearing what this does to you. And do you have a question you'd like to see addressed in a future podcast? Let me know.

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