Everyone talks to themselves or to themselves in their head from time to time. For example, you are shopping without a shopping list and say to yourself "You still need to get milk and something for dinner." You can also say very different things to yourself, such as "how stupid that you don't know where the milk is." These two examples clearly have a different effect on the emotion you can get from them. In this blog I will go into more detail about talking to yourself and how to use it in a positive way.
What is talking into yourself?
Talking into yourself can be done aloud, usually a kind of mumbling if you are talking mostly to yourself. You can also talk to yourself in your mind. This is then more like that voice you have in your mind that can say anything to you. Sometimes you send that voice clearly with conscious thoughts and sometimes it suddenly starts talking to you. Then a thought just comes out of the unconscious.
Please note, these are just thoughts. They really don't have to mean anything at all. Especially if you often talk negatively within yourself then it's good to know that that thought can be ignored, or that you can consciously rethink it.
Many of these kinds of unconscious thoughts that "suddenly" start talking to you stem from your beliefs that you have built up over the course of your life. Many of these you came up with when you were a child. This is because that is the period when you learn the most about how the world works and how you function, or should function, in it.
You may have once been taught that you are stupid if you can't find something, but if you then take that negative thought for truth you may therefore be taking a child's opinion for truth.
A bit of a waste or not? At least it is if it's a negative thought.
Talking into yourself through emotions
When you find yourself in a situation that makes you angry with yourself, it often causes negative self-talk and self-talk about the past (how you made that stupid mistake, for example).
If, on the contrary, you find yourself in a situation that is frightening, this causes you to talk both positively and negatively within yourself. In fact, you often talk to yourself in anticipation. So how to deal with the future. Instead, you get thoughts about how to achieve your goal, such as overcoming or avoiding the fearful[1].
The effect of talking into yourself
Especially with athletes, the effect of talking to yourself has been measured. Talking to yourself properly improves athletic performance.
It also provides better focus. For example, you don't get distracted or keep those distractions in check. In doing so, it also ensures that your ego is not drained by talking negatively to yourself[2].
So it keeps you mentally stronger.
Using your name
In addition, there are multiple ways you can talk to yourself. For example, you can use your own name. Or talk to yourself in the3rd person.
This helps you to be more in control of yourself and your emotions. For example, this can be incredibly helpful in keeping your cool during a stressful situation[3].
Reduce negative talking within yourself
So talking to yourself can be incredibly constructive, but it's a shame if negative self-talk affects your behavior too much and causes your self-confidence and self-esteem to remain low.
There are several ways you can reduce negative talking within yourself.
Origin conviction finding
Therefore, it is important to find out what beliefs actually cause negative talking within yourself.
To figure this out, it is helpful to know that beliefs are often in your subconscious, and they often originated in childhood. Some moment in your life caused you to think "this is how the world works and how I should function in it."
With regression, you can find out when one such moment occurred that caused a lot of negative talking within yourself. In regression, a hypnotist puts you under hypnosis and suggests you go to the moment that caused a lot of negative self-talk. Because in hypnosis you are open to this type of suggestion, a memory that caused it will quickly surface.
Then the hypnotist helps you reinterpret this moment. To look at this moment with your mature knowledge, so that your beliefs in your subconscious will change and you will naturally suffer less from negative thoughts.
Ego strengthening for less negative self-talk
An Iranian study examined the effects of ego-strengthening hypnosis techniques in housewives who suffered from negative introspection. These sessions made extensive use of metaphors and symbols through visualizations involving, for example, climbing mountains.
These techniques helped to strengthen the housewives' ego, and compared with the control group who had received only psychotherapy, they also had less negative talking to themselves after hypnotherapy[4].
Consciously talking positive into yourself
By consciously talking positively into yourself and about yourself, you can also do much to improve your self-confidence and performance. Consequently, many athletes do this consciously. Muhammad Ali, for example, said he was the greatest even before he really knew he was the best boxer. This only to improve his performance[5].
Hypnosis can help with this, too. For example, you can learn self-hypnosis from a hypnotist and extract appropriate suggestions that counteract your negative self-talk, such as:
"I'm fun."
"I'm good."
"I can do anything."
"I decide what I do."
These are just examples. Depending on the times when you are most bothered by talking negatively to yourself, a hypnotherapist may choose to give you other suggestions to repeat during self-hypnosis.
Snap out of it
Another way to talk less negatively into yourself is to put a rubber band on your wrist. Every time you notice that you are talking negatively to yourself in your mind you take the rubber band and let it fall back onto your skin, a kind of "snap."
This allows you to be focused for a moment on something other than those thoughts, so your next thought can be about completely something other than talking negatively to yourself.
Priming yourself positively
Thereby, what you do in the morning is also incredibly important to the mood you are in for the rest of the day. What I always recommend is to think of 3 things you are grateful for in the morning before you even pick up your phone.
No matter how big or small those things are, as long as you start your day with gratitude.
This is equal much more positive than looking at your phone and seeing that you have all kinds of emails or reading negative news.
Another way to prime yourself in the morning to think more positively is to say to yourself in the mirror, for example, those positive suggestions you've been given for self-hypnosis[6].
So there are all kinds of things you can do to ensure that you talk to yourself in the most positive way possible. Hypnosis can play a great supporting role in this. Want to know what hypnosis feels like and whether you can bring other people under hypnosis?
Then come to a hypnosis playshop. These are held in Wormerveer and in Zwolle.
Want to get started right away with techniques to help yourself and others? Then come to a seminar or sign up for one of our trainings given in Wormerveer, Zwolle or online.
[1] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10413200.2016.1213330
[2] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X16301968
[3] https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-04047-3
[4] http://www.sleepandhypnosis.org/ing/Pdf/a4560706842847baade1ceff1b3543e8.pdf
[5] https://www.getlevelhead.com/blog/2017/2/26/self-talk
[6] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/loving-through-your-differences/201911/change-your-self-talk
