Dare to be yourself and stand up for who you are. You would say that everyone does this, but unfortunately that is not always the case. Staying close to yourself means behaving according to the beliefs you have and the values you care about. You might say this makes sense. After all, everyone behaves according to the beliefs they have, but if these do not match the things you find important, you often find it difficult to stay close to yourself. Would you like to behave more according to what you find important? Then read this blog
The Market Trader
During the "Break Free" seminar, I go through all kinds of things and hear many stories from participants about the little things in their lives that secretly bother them a lot. For example, buying something at the market can go all wrong.
In fact, one participant wanted to buy a gift for a family member and went to the market to do so. There she got into a conversation with the market vendor who offered all kinds of wares for her to choose from, but each time it was not what she wanted. Still, it felt weird for her to say no all the time. She considered herself a whiner. So she agreed to buy something she didn't really want at all for the family member. This also made her go to the party feeling tense. All in all, not a nice way to get a gift.
Because of little irritations like these, she went to the Break Free seminar to learn how to deal with them.
Now when she goes to the market she says no until she has something that suits her completely. This makes her happy, the market vendor is happy that he was able to really help someone, and it is much more fun to go to a party because you are less stressed about the quality of the gift.
So she was able to stay closer to herself by being more assertive and by not tying into values she actually cared about.
Which technique?
Do these kinds of problems of saying yes too quickly in a store because you don't want to come across as a nag seem familiar to you? Or saying yes too quickly to anything? Then hypnotic suggestions about what is normal and why you can just say no until the Yes is really earned can help you.
One way to do this is through self-hypnosis. In self-hypnosis, you repeat suggestions that, in this case, ensure that you stay close to yourself.
For self-hypnosis, you first sit or lie down in a comfortable place, such as your favorite chair or couch or just snuggled up on your bed. You first focus on your breathing and make sure your breaths are the same length. For example, you breathe in for 3 counts and then you blow out for 3 counts.
You relax your muscles. You can do this with a quick mindfulness body scan to completely relax your body. Then you close your eyes and repeat the hypnotic suggestions. These might include:
"I don't have to adapt to belong to a group."
"I get to go for my own choices."
"I get to say no, as many as 100 times."
"I don't have to explain myself."
Gossip is worthless
Gossips, they are terrible and have social control as their goal, only in our society that is no longer necessary at all. Acquaintances of mine who live in a close-knit community could always live there quite anonymously anyway. Because they applied for a logging permit, that was suddenly over. The neighbor told them about all kinds of gossip circulating about them.
They found these very difficult because they didn't make sense anywhere. This made them go to the community center anyway to talk to their neighbors, something they never normally did.
Eventually, they came to the conclusion that they didn't care about it all either and didn't want their behavior influenced by their neighbors. As a result, they had previously tidied up their front yard and so now they were also going to the community center when they had better things to do.
By choosing for themselves, they also chose peace of mind, because that was and is how they actually were.
With each new gossip, they felt the tension rise in their bodies. Outright lies. Do you also suffer from tension that makes you angry and find it difficult to stay with yourself. Then use relaxation techniques, such as breathing and relaxing your muscles.
In addition, you can also call people who gossip about you on this. If you find this difficult, you can use a trick to boost your confidence for this conversation. Namely, stand in a powerful posture for 2 minutes. Your legs slightly apart, back straight, chest up. This is because your physical posture affects your mood and sense of self-confidence.
If addressing gossip doesn't help, it's best to ignore it. For ignoring gossip, you can again use hypnotic suggestions, such as:
"What strange people think of me says more about them than it does about me."
"What family and friends think of me is important, the rest I can ignore."
"I don't have to modify my behavior because of gossiping people."
Surround yourself with nice people
Staying close to yourself means accepting yourself and those around you accept you as you are. Do you often get criticized for how you are when you are yourself for once? Then it's time to take a critical look at your circle of friends. True friends accept you as you are and encourage your self-confidence and development.
You probably know it, you've achieved some success and share it with your friends. The normal reaction is compliments and "well done man!"-type responses. Maybe they even want to celebrate with you with an outing or dinner.
A very subtle condescending reaction is when people then start talking about other people who have also achieved something similar to your success. "Yeah, my brother/neighbor/cousin/friend of a friend just bought a house too." That kind of reaction does not make you feel like you are doing good and that what you have done is special.
If you find it difficult to surround yourself with nice people, you can first imagine it with a visualization or with the help of a guided visualization from a hypnotherapist.
For a visualization, you first take the same steps as self-hypnosis. Then you visualize the environment in which something is taking place including how it physically feels and what you smell and hear. Then you play back in a positive way how you meet new people, such as after yoga class or at the third half of a soccer game with the club you just joined.
A guided visualization can go the following way:
"You've just finished exercising and join the other athletes for a drink in the cafeteria. You are nice and relaxed after the hour of exercise and already feel a lot better as a result. You walk with the rest and ask how their sports experience was. You talk about yours and that you really notice that you enjoyed it and that it makes you feel better. A number of people think this is great for you, talk about their own experience and encourage you to develop yourself. Now you know who can support you in being yourself."
This is just an example of a guided visualization. A hypnotherapist can help you with a visualization that better fits your beliefs about who you are and how you connect with positive people.
Be kind to yourself
To return to the market merchant for a moment. The woman who participated in the seminar also had all sorts of negative thoughts before she had broken free of herself. For example, she thought of herself as weird or a whiner. Actually, she was very strict with herself and after the seminar she actually became kinder to herself. She is allowed to be a nag and, in fact, she is not a nag at all.
Self-compassion and talking positively to yourself is very important to stay close to yourself. The last person you should listen to when changing yourself when you secretly don't want to is yourself. It is precisely you who should go for yourself and thus be loving.
You have to imagine that a friend or loved one is facing the same problem as you, how would you react? Respond similarly to yourself.
So to stay close to yourself, it is especially important to make your own choices and not let external factors influence you. Not by the market vendor who wants to sell something quickly and not by gossip from your surroundings. In doing so, it is important to deal with people who encourage you to be yourself. This also makes it easier for you to have self-compassion.
Want to learn more about the techniques you can use to do this? Then read the book Break Free or come to a hypnosis playshop.
