Suddenly, you're on your own. You and your partner can no longer get along, or that partner has disappeared from the picture altogether, and now you and your little one must manage on your own. Single parenthood can be incredibly hard and stressful. Of course you want to give your child the same opportunities as if he/she were growing up in a "normal" household, so it is important to deal with this in a healthy way so that you do not unconsciously take stress out on your child[1].
To make sure that even as a single parent you can have a happy family life and stay strong in your shoes, in this blog I will discuss what it takes, and how hypnosis can help you enjoy your child
Single parent, what do you need
Research shows that single mothers who feel they have a social circle around them on which to build and who feel they have enough internal resources of their own to get things done feel better, have better parenting behaviors and are better able to change when needed[2].
Social circle for greater insight and pause
So you need a social circle. Among other things, this is so that those can occasionally watch your child or assist when needed. In addition, that social circle is needed so that your child will have an understanding of both genders.
Because your child normally has 2 parents, your child has 2 role models. Generally a man and a woman. It is important that your child has contact with both genders so that he/she knows how they can be different and how they can also be the same at the same time. This prevents your child from becoming biased towards a particular gender and in doing so, this can be a tool for the single parent to recharge for a while.
For example, do you have a brother/sister or parents your child can visit or do fun things with? Then schedule this for your child from time to time. In those moments you can enjoy reading a book or just doing nothing (or whatever you feel like doing).
Internal resources
Perseverance, self-confidence-these are a few internal resources that single parents can't have enough of. You may fear that being a single parent puts you at greater risk of developing depression, but that is not the case[3]. So it's certainly not a drain on your mental health to take on parenthood alone.
You see, sometimes you can have really tough periods and you can't actually say you're quitting. This would mean giving up on your child, and every parent does not see that as an option.
Still, as a single parent, you may have all sorts of thoughts that don't help you, such as: "I'm a bad father/mother." Or "I'm not smart enough to help with homework." Or whatever.
Mindfulness for stilling negative thoughts
In this case, you can use mindfulness to initially quiet those thoughts and continue to enjoy the moment. To do this, you first take a few breaths through your nose. You try to breathe with your belly and not your chest. You relax your muscles and then focus on all the information you get from your senses. How it smells. How whatever you're working on feels in your hands. How your environment sounds, you listen again when someone is talking and how everything looks. This is what you focus on and not that thought that you have such a busy time ahead of you.
This also ensures that you can get back to what you were doing.
Hypnosis for more perseverance
Perseverance is actually willpower, and willpower is like a muscle. It can get tired and you can exercise it. So it's no big deal if you just can't do it anymore and just need help. Everyone encounters such a moment in their life whether they have a partner or not.
This is okay, and especially the realization that this is okay can make you more persistent in the long run. Because it's okay to take rest, it's okay to give yourself time to recharge and in doing so, you ensure that you can move on afterward.
Because when you think it's not okay, you keep going, don't listen to your body and end up with symptoms.
Hypnosis can help you get more perseverance if you don't have it now, and hypnosis can help you dose your perseverance in a healthy way. Initially, the hypnosis expert will explore with you why you think you can't go on, or why you find it difficult to take rest and only do so when you actually get sick.
Then the hypnosis expert can apply a variety of techniques to change your beliefs about when to keep going and when to take a break. For example: As a single parent, you are convinced that you can't help with homework and you just can't do more. Your work blocks help and you don't have the knowledge.
You can then get the following suggestions that will make you suffer less from this blockage:
"What you can't do, you can learn. You have access to all kinds of explanation sites that explain things and can study them when your child is already in bed. The next day you have the solution and you can also let your child search the Internet with you for explanations that are useful (depends on the age)."
"You can use social media to find someone for a tutoring session who is more knowledgeable about the subject than you are," he says.
"It is important that your child learns to find solutions to his/her problems on his/her own; he/she should do the same when she is an adult. Give your child encouragement to find help." (Suggestion more appropriate for older adolescents)
Hypnosis for greater self-confidence
Self-confidence is important for you as a parent. This is because the confidence you have in yourself can radiate to your child, allowing you to unconsciously pass on some fears and concerns to your child. For example, fears are not hereditary, and yet children can have the same fears as their parents.
Your self-confidence also allows you to dare to take more steps and seize more opportunities. Which ultimately makes parenting easier. Walking around all day with uncertain thoughts is also incredibly exhausting, while parenthood is already exhausting. Here too, hypnosis can be used to strengthen your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-assurance, and in this way strengthen your internal resources.
Hypnosis for more peace of mind
In addition, hypnosis is also great for your relaxation. For relaxation, hypnosis begins, as always, with a breathing exercise. In addition, a guided visualization can provide additional relaxation. Usually you visualize a place where you can completely unwind. This can be a place you have ever visited, such as the beach or a nice place in a forest, to a place that exists only in your imagination or that comes from a movie you once saw.
Visualization can then go as follows:
"You're in your favorite place. You see the elements so characteristic of your favorite place and enjoy the beauty. The weather is beautiful and the sun gives off a fine languid heat. You feel the texture of the ground with your bare feet and wiggle your toes. You walk to the place where you can relax in the sun and do so. You feel the warmth of the sun on your body. The rays of the sun relax your muscles and chase the stress out of your body. You completely relax. With each breath you take you become calmer and more relaxed. You breathe in and out quietly and enjoy the warmth of the sun."
This is just an example of a guided visualization for relaxation. So to make single parenting easier, hypnosis can help by redirecting unhelpful beliefs to beliefs that do help you so that you have enough energy to be there for yourself, your child and those around you so they can be there for you as well.
Want to learn more about how hypnosis works and what you can do with it to help yourself or others? Then come to the hypnosis playshop or enroll in one of our training courses. Ask about online options if this suits you better.
[1] 12 Rules of Life, Jordan Peterson (Chapter 5).
[2] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.12741
[3] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00127-002-0539-6
