My friend is insecure: tips to help

March 07, 2017

You have the brightest, sweetest, smartest even funniest girlfriend out there. Only, she herself doesn't see it that way. If you do have the problem of an insecure girlfriend, this can be very annoying. You have to reassure her all the time and reduce her insecurity. Yet, this may not be the solution because she lets her insecurity depend on you instead of herself.

That's why in this blog I'll discuss what you can do to reduce your girlfriend's insecurity.

The most common type of insecurity among women is about their bodies, but that doesn't necessarily have to be your friend's insecurity. There are all kinds of areas in life about which you can be insecure, and gender doesn't even matter. For example, your appearance, behavior and abilities are parts of one's life about which you can be insecure.

It's pretty tough when your friend is insecure. After all, you want to share life with a stable factor you can build on. The fact that you appreciate her abilities but she herself does not can therefore create unstable situations.

Research also shows that a partner who is sure about herself is generally preferred( 1). So if you can help her get rid of her insecurity she becomes even more perfect than she is.

However, having an insecure friend, or finding that you have, is a time to reflect on your own insecurities as well. In fact, research shows that people who are insecure about themselves often label their partner as insecure as well( 2). As a result, this may be a subjective perception rather than an actual one.

It is often said that you must love yourself before you can love another. That's why the first tips are about yourself anyway.

Tip #1: Find out if you yourself are insecure about the same things as your friend

Partners often mirror each other's behavior. If you are insecure about your body , your friend may unconsciously start mirroring this. Therefore, check to see if you have something you are insecure about and if your girlfriend has the same.

Tip 2: Take care of yourself first

To help your girlfriend, it’s important to help yourself first. By being more confident yourself, she may begin to mirror that behavior, which will make her insecurity much less of a burden to you—and will also make it much less of a burden to her.

Tip 3: Do mindfulness with your partner

An insecure partner may also struggle with feelings of insecurity about the relationship. To alleviate that insecurity, you can try mindfulness meditation. You can even do this together. You don’t even have to do anything super exciting. For example, simply cooking together or washing dishes can be done with mindfulness.

This can strengthen the bond between you, already reducing that uncertainty.

Tip 4: Consider whether you yourself are the problem

Do you often make fun of her fat ass? Do you have a lot to say about how she does her housework (whether intended as a joke or not)? Consider the extent to which you yourself add to her insecurity. Telling her to stop acting up doesn't help either and this doesn't motivate her to discuss her problems with you so you can't help her at all.

Uncertain about her body

If your friend is insecure about her body, it is very annoying. Most women who look at models a lot, for example through commercials, immediately after such a "confrontation" have an inferior view of their bodies. This is very unfortunate because such an advertising model is actually also only fake and most men do not like models' bodies anyway.

You can keep repeating to your friend that she is beautiful, but this can be very tiring.

Tip 5: Encourage her to use self-hypnosis

Of course, you can help her with this. Through self-hypnosis, she can change and reinforce certain beliefs . For example, you can repeat the following hypnotic suggestions during self-hypnosis (or she can do so herself):

I am beautiful

I have a healthy body

I am strong

I have charisma

Tip 6: Make your list of everything you like about her body and paste it on her mirror

Of course, if you find self-hypnosis too weird, you can also help with a daily reminder that she gets even when you're not around. For example, make a list or a variety of post-its on which you write what you like about her. Such as:

You have beautiful legs

Your eyes are beautiful

You have a sweet smile

Your navel is so cute

Make the list as long as you can and stick it on her mirror. Then daily while she is doing her rituals she will get the reminder that she is beautiful. This can also slowly but surely influence her insecure beliefs about her body.

Unsure of her character

Character often determines how a person responds to problems or how one behaves in general. If your friend is insecure about her behavior, this can be very annoying. Depending on how she bonds, it may be helpful to point out to her that you are either very similar or not.

Tip 7: Find out if she gets calm from an equal partner or unequal partner

You sometimes hear that opposites attract, but even people who are alike can have a great relationship. Depending on how your friend is put together, she may become more confident about having a partner who looks like her or who does not look like her.

A partner who looks like her gives reassurance that she is not the only one with certain traits.
A partner who is just not like her can provide the reassurance that you complement each other well.

Find out if your partner becomes more confident when you show each other's differences or similarities.

Tip 8: Help her with hypnotic suggestions

Did you know that you can tell children that they are something after which they promptly adjust their behavior to actually be that way? You can subtly apply this technique to your partner. If she is uncertain about whether she is nice or helpful you can occasionally drop that she always gives such good advice, is always ready to help and this may just cause her to actually do this.

Tip 9: Make a bill of her nice features

As with insecurities about her body, for insecurities about behavior, you can make a list of things you like about her, such as her humor, funny stories, interest in you, and other things that make your friend so unique.

You can hang this in a place where it can be seen a lot so this can slowly but surely change her beliefs about her character.

Uncertain of her ability

If she is actually not at all insecure about her body or her behavior, she may still be insecure about her abilities. She may not consider herself a good cook or a good employee in her business or perhaps not a good entrepreneur while just starting out for herself.

Self-confidence is often slightly different from self-esteem, and both can be addressed in various ways.

Tip 10: Attend a workshop together in something she is unsure about

Quality time can include a night out to the movies, but doing something fun together, such as attending a workshop also helps strengthen your relationship. If she is unsure about cooking, writing or anything else, there is often a workshop to attend.

You can do this together.

Thereby, when you take a course for something it boosts your self-confidence about that part.

You can also achieve this through mindfulness.

Tip 11: Ultimately, she has to solve her insecurity herself

Always keep in mind that you won't solve everything for her. In some cases, the insecurity is trapped in her beliefs and she must make her own choice to act on them or not. You can pull as hard as you want, but ultimately she has to switch the switch herself to get over insecurities.

This can indeed be achieved by doing something, such as exercising or learning more about her work, or by using self-hypnosis, or even by seeing a hypnotherapist to resolve her issues.

Also, don't try to fix something that she herself isn't complaining about and isn't actually a big problem. If it's not broken yet you don't have to fix it.

Would you like to learn more about mental techniques to help yourself or others? Then check out the courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands or come to a seminar or workshop.

Also, pin this infographic as a reminder:

Sources:

Save