Midlife crisis: recognizing and running away

The midlife crisis, some people are more susceptible to it than others. Some people think that especially men suffer from a midlife crisis, they suddenly get divorced, start riding motorcycles and only date women who are twice as young. Just to put down the stereotype. In this blog I will discuss what a midlife crisis really is, the differences between those of a man and a woman and what you can do about it

A midlife crisis actually has a very bad name. It is a period in your life when you realize that you are alive and your life will go the way it goes unless you can do something about it yourself. Some people deal with this more soberly than others.

It’s the moment when you also realize how little time you actually have to achieve certain goals. As a result, people often start to reflect on what they’ve already accomplished in life and whether it has brought them what they expected. Some people then take drastic steps to still achieve their goals or set new ones[1].

Some people also feel that they are “stuck” in the choices they made earlier in life—that they are held back by their work or family. One’s current identity is also compared to one’s desired identity.

According to survey respondents, a midlife crisis begins on average when a person is 47.5 years old, with a standard deviation of 8.06 years. This means that most people can experience a midlife crisis from age ³⁹ to age ⁵⁵[2].

A midlife crisis doesn’t have to be caused by your age. The death of a parent, going through a divorce, or another major life change (such as losing your job) can also trigger a midlife crisis[3].

Characteristics of a midlife crisis

During a midlife crisis, people often start questioning everything about their lives and who they really are—including the social groups they identify with, their role models, their principles, their values, and the relationships (both professional and personal) they have.

Midlife crisis also begins because people often think they must have achieved something somewhat later in life. You then check whether what you have achieved was what you used to dream about. Whether your childhood goals were achieved.

A midlife crisis can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and even manic escapism. Fortunately, such a crisis isn’t all negative; it also fosters personal growth, for example, by helping you set new, realistic goals.

The onset of a midlife crisis can be identified by:

• Fatigue
• Boredom
• Not being happy with your life or lifestyle
• Restlessness
• Wanting to do something completely different
• Evaluating your decisions
• Reflecting on the meaning of life
• Confusion about who you are and where your life is headed
• Daydreams
• Irritability
• Unexpected anger
• Grief (which doesn't go away easily)
• Taking more food, alcohol, drugs or anything else (more shopping?).
• Increase or decrease desire for sex
• Affair, especially with someone much younger than yourself
• Increase or decrease ambition

Midlife crisis man

Men in midlife crisis may be looking for excitement and adventure[4], hence the engine that may suddenly appear. Some men may even turn to crime later in life as a result.

Men often suffer more from midlife crisis than women, because women generally reflect on their lives more often than men. As a result, the shock of what has become of their lives is often greater, and some men also take more drastic measures than women.

Feelings that can trigger this crisis include, for example, the desire to go on an adventure and to feel young “again.” You want to experience those emotions and feelings once more—the ones you had when you were growing up or in your 20s.

As they become more self-aware, men often seek more passion, adventure, challenge, and love (or infatuation). That passion can, for example, be channeled into a particular hobby.

A man's biology can also cause the midlife crisis and then cheating (or finding a new partner). This is because men have the biological urge to procreate and can do so for a longer period of time than women and to do so, men must then use multiple especially younger partners.

Unfortunately, men who make major changes during their midlife crisis (such as having an affair or even getting a divorce) often end up regretting it and are no happier afterward.

As the wife of a man in midlife crisis, it's best to let him talk about his emotions without judging them. Maybe you can add fun new things to your relationship to make it exciting again, but point out to him that it is scientifically proven that he is not going to be happier with another person. In fact, the vast majority regret their drastic actions in midlife crisis[5]. It's like a second adolescence.

Midlife crisis woman

In women, a midlife crisis often leads to more assertiveness, more vigorous response to issues and independence[6]. Not only men, women also divorce more often in the midlife period of their lives, whether this is also the result of a crisis and women later regret breaking off the relationship is not known.

In addition, you may feel that you shouldn't be at work and that you haven't become what you wanted to become. Also, your body may be the body you don't actually recognize when you think about yourself.

Just as with men, there is also a biological reason why women experience a midlife crisis. This is because your body produces less estrogen and progesterone, which can cause fatigue[7]. You are slowly approaching menopause.

Running away from a midlife crisis, instead of running away

Fortunately, there is much you can do to suffer less from your midlife crisis. Cognitive behavioral therapy (and therefore hypnosis), for example, will help you cope with your feelings and take steps that may be just as drastic, but at least ensure that your family life remains good.

Hypnosis can, for example, help you accept yourself as you are, become more assertive, and take concrete steps toward pursuing your dreams.

For example, a hypnosis expert can help you identify the beliefs that are currently causing you to doubt everything and feel stuck.

That feeling—when you make a choice and have to stick with it, without being able to make even the slightest adjustment—is, of course, unpleasant. With regression, a technique widely used by hypnotists, you can identify the first time you felt trapped by a decision. This might even be a moment from your childhood. Or a moment that shaped a belief about how you’re supposed to be when you’re “grown up” and roughly at what age that begins.

Then, while under hypnosis, you are going to do something with that moment. For example, you start looking at the moment from a different angle. Which will change your beliefs and make you feel less like a crisis.

Beliefs "install"

Another thing hypnosis can help you with is with hypnotic suggestions that help you change beliefs about yourself and how the world works. For example, you may suffer from midlife crisis feelings because you don't "live up" to other people's standards of "success."

Hypnosis teaches you to choose your own beliefs and definitions. For example, by repeating suggestions out loud while under hypnosis.

These may include:

"The perfect life is a sustainable life."

"I get to keep evolving."

"Success knows no time."

"Being rich is different from having a lot of money."

Depending on your beliefs and doubts, a hypnosis expert can give you other suggestions.

Fear of time

Another issue during a midlife crisis is that you may suddenly become very aware that you have only a limited amount of time left to live. This can cause an enormous amount of stress. Hypnosis can also help you deal with the fears and feelings that this brings.

This is possible, for example, because hypnosis can help you with relaxation exercises when the stress of time becomes too much. A guided visualization of a pleasant place, for instance, can be incredibly helpful in this regard.

You can often also get these visualizations on mp3 to listen to at home and hypnotize yourself with. That way you will benefit from it even longer and you won't get too crazy during your midlife crisis.

Would you like to learn more about hypnosis and how it works? Then come to the Hypnosis Workshop in Wormerveer or Zwolle.

Want to get started right away with helpful tips and tricks? Then come to a seminar or sign up for one of our training programs. Ask about our online options if that works better for you.

[1] https://www.karger.com/Article/Abstract/227322

[2] https://www.karger.com/Article/PDF/227322

[3] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/midlife

[4] https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Hans_Nelen/publication/298736911_%27Mannen_in_een_midlifecrisis%27/links/5960c376a6fdccc9b1efdca3/Mannen-in-een-midlifecrisis.pdf

[5] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200808/advice-men-midlife

[6] https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/e/9781315641928/chapters/10.4324/9781315641928-3

[7] https://www.healthline.com/health/midlife-crisis-women#what-to-do