The midlife crisis, some people are more susceptible to it than others. Some people think that especially men suffer from a midlife crisis, they suddenly get divorced, start riding motorcycles and only date women who are twice as young. Just to put down the stereotype. In this blog I will discuss what a midlife crisis really is, the differences between those of a man and a woman and what you can do about it.
A midlife crisis actually has a very bad name. It is a period in your life when you realize that you are alive and your life will go the way it goes unless you can do something about it yourself. Some people deal with this more soberly than others.
It is the time when you also realize how little time you actually have to achieve certain goals. This also often causes people to look at what one has already achieved in life, and whether it has brought them what they expected. Some people then also take drastic steps to still achieve their goals or they set new goals[1].
Some people also feel that they are "stuck" in the choices they made earlier in life. That they are held down by their work or family. The identity one has is also compared to the desired identity.
According to survey respondents, a midlife crisis begins on average when a person is 47.5 years old, with a standard deviation of 8.06 years. This means that most people can experience a midlife crisis from age 39 to age 55[2].
Midlife crisis does not have to be caused by your age. The death of a parent, going through a divorce or another major change (such as being laid off) can also cause a midlife crisis[3].
Characteristics of a midlife crisis
During a midlife crisis, people often start to wonder all sorts of things about their lives and who they really are. The fixed groups a person identifies with, role models, principles, values and the relationships (both business and personal) one has.
Midlife crisis also begins because people often think they must have achieved something somewhat later in life. You then check whether what you have achieved was what you used to dream about. Whether your childhood goals were achieved.
A midlife crisis can cause feelings of depression, anxiety and even manic flight behavior. Fortunately, such a crisis is not only negative; it also provides additional personal development, for example by setting new realistic goals.
The onset of a midlife crisis can be identified by:
- Fatigue
- Boredom
- Not being happy with your life or lifestyle
- Restlessness
- Wanting to do something completely different
- Evaluating your decisions
- Evaluating the meaning of life
- Confusion about who you are and where your life is headed
- Daydreams
- Irritability
- Unexpected anger
- Grief (which doesn't go away easily)
- Taking more food, alcohol, drugs or anything else (more shopping?).
- Increase or decrease desire for sex
- Affair, especially with someone much younger than yourself
- Increase or decrease ambition
Midlife crisis man
Men in midlife crisis may be looking for excitement and adventure[4], hence the engine that may suddenly appear. Some men may even turn to crime later in life as a result.
Men often suffer more from midlife crisis than women, because women generally reflect on their lives more often than men. As a result, the shock of what has become of their lives is often greater, and some men also take more drastic measures than women.
Feelings that can cause this crisis include feeling like you want to go on an adventure and feel young "again." You want those emotions and experiences again that you had when you were growing up or in your 20s.
More consciously, men often want more passion, adventure, challenge and love (or infatuation). That passion can be channeled into a particular hobby, for example.
A man's biology can also cause the midlife crisis and then cheating (or finding a new partner). This is because men have the biological urge to procreate and can do so for a longer period of time than women and to do so, men must then use multiple especially younger partners.
Unfortunately, for those men who apply a major change during midlife crisis (such as having an affair or even getting divorced), it turns out they often regret it afterward and are not happier.
As the wife of a man in midlife crisis, it's best to let him talk about his emotions without judging them. Maybe you can add fun new things to your relationship to make it exciting again, but point out to him that it is scientifically proven that he is not going to be happier with another person. In fact, the vast majority regret their drastic actions in midlife crisis[5]. It's like a second adolescence.
Midlife crisis woman
In women, a midlife crisis often leads to more assertiveness, more vigorous response to issues and independence[6]. Not only men, women also divorce more often in the midlife period of their lives, whether this is also the result of a crisis and women later regret breaking off the relationship is not known.
In addition, you may feel that you shouldn't be at work and that you haven't become what you wanted to become. Also, your body may be the body you don't actually recognize when you think about yourself.
As with men, there is also a biological reason for women to have a midlife crisis. Namely, you make less estrogen and progesterone, so you may suffer from fatigue[7]. You are slowly on your way to menopause.
Running away from a midlife crisis, instead of running away
Fortunately, there is much you can do to suffer less from your midlife crisis. Cognitive behavioral therapy (and therefore hypnosis), for example, will help you cope with your feelings and take steps that may be just as drastic, but at least ensure that your family life remains good.
For example, hypnosis can help you accept yourself as you are, become more assertive and actually take steps to pursue your dreams.
For example, a hypnosis expert can help you figure out your beliefs that now cause you to doubt all sorts of things and feel stuck.
Of course, that feeling that when you make a choice and you have to stay with it and not adjust even a little is not pleasant. With regression, a technique widely used by hypnotists, figure out the first time you had that feeling of being stuck by a decision. This may even be a moment from childhood. Or a moment that has created a belief about how you should be when you are "grown up" and roughly from what age that begins.
Then, while under hypnosis, you are going to do something with that moment. For example, you start looking at the moment from a different angle. Which will change your beliefs and make you feel less like a crisis.
Beliefs "install"
Another thing hypnosis can help you with is with hypnotic suggestions that help you change beliefs about yourself and how the world works. For example, you may suffer from midlife crisis feelings because you don't "live up" to other people's standards of "success."
Hypnosis teaches you to choose your own beliefs and definitions. For example, by repeating suggestions out loud while under hypnosis.
These may include:
"The perfect life is a sustainable life."
"I get to keep evolving."
"Success knows no time."
"Being rich is different from having a lot of money."
Depending on your beliefs and doubts, a hypnosis expert can give you other suggestions.
Fear of time
Another problem during midlife crisis is that you can suddenly become very aware that you have limited time left to live. This can cause an awful lot of stress. Hypnosis also helps you for the fears and feelings this creates.
This can be done, for example, as hypnosis helps you with relaxation exercises when the stress of time becomes too much for you. For example, a guided visualization of a pleasant place can be incredibly helpful for this.
You can often also get these visualizations on mp3 to listen to at home and hypnotize yourself with. That way you will benefit from it even longer and you won't get too crazy during your midlife crisis.
Want to learn more about hypnosis and how it works? Then come to the Hypnosis playshop in Wormerveer or Zwolle.
Want to get started right away with helpful tips and tricks? Then come to a seminar or enroll directly in one of our training courses. Ask about online options if that suits you better.
[1] https://www.karger.com/Article/Abstract/227322
[2] https://www.karger.com/Article/PDF/227322
[3] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/midlife
[4] https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Hans_Nelen/publication/298736911_%27Mannen_in_een_midlifecrisis%27/links/5960c376a6fdccc9b1efdca3/Mannen-in-een-midlifecrisis.pdf
[5] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200808/advice-men-midlife
[6] https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/e/9781315641928/chapters/10.4324/9781315641928-3
[7] https://www.healthline.com/health/midlife-crisis-women#what-to-do
