The distinction between masculine and feminine traits is actually very strange and culturally determined. What we find masculine in the Netherlands people in other parts of the world may find feminine and vice versa. In this blog I will discuss traits that are considered masculine in the western world and how they can have a positive impact on your life and how to develop them
Male characteristics
- Competition
- Protectionism
- Aggression
- Assertiveness
- Finding truth more important than feelings
- Self Confidence
- Independence
Looking at this list of traits, it's actually very strange that they fall under the heading of masculine traits. Competitive drive, protective drive, in fact all traits are traits that women have just as much as men.
What masculine traits actually help you move forward in your life?
Competition
When you look at competitive spirit, it is often something that is no longer fully appreciated. People want us all to work together and be equal to each other. This in itself is not a bad thing, but the function of competitiveness is that you actually become very good at something.
Competitive spirit makes you want to be the best at something which makes you develop skills. This may be that you want to become the best hypnotist who also gets those 25% of people who cannot be hypnotized under hypnosis. In this sense, competitive drive can help you in your motivation.
Hypnosis can help you harmonize your beliefs about competition and cooperation. After all, cooperation and competitiveness is something that often conflict. Everyone knows for example that at school you had to work together in groups and then suddenly one person took the credit even though he/she had done nothing at all. Or that you had done everything but still got a low grade because of the others.
One way competition can actually help with collaboration I see in my environment. For example, you can inspire each other to bring the best products to market, figure out the best way to work, and give each other ideas.
Wanting to be the best at something does not mean it has to come at the expense of others.
Hypnosis involves exploring your experiences and beliefs with competition and cooperation. For example, through regression, you may find out that one such teamwork event during your school career triggered your beliefs about cooperation and competitiveness. Then you can see how the origin of that belief still makes sense in your current life, or not.
Protectionism
The protection urge is also a motivating urge. You want to protect your family (even as a woman) or your business. This also helps motivate you well, for example to stay healthy to be there for your family for as long as possible or to run your business well without suffering from overwork or burnout.
Aggression and assertiveness
Aggression has a bad name because it is often linked to violence. However, you can also link aggression to assertiveness. Something is done to you, for example, someone doesn't pay back a loan, and you get dissonance from that.
Dissonance is that unpleasant feeling in your gut when something happens that is not consistent with how you think the world works. You can talk this away with all sorts of thoughts, but it can also cause you to take action.
Performing the action will make that unpleasant feeling go away.
To cite an example of aggression, without violence but with assertiveness: A businesswoman I helped had a client who at one point did have payment arrears of several months. The arrears amounted to almost 1000 euros. Still a considerable amount. Her first act of aggression was to inform him that she would stop working and would not resume until he had paid.
The second act, because of course he didn't come across the money, was to contact companies who would then come and collect that money. She had just finished a whole folder of documentation about how payment was really due anyway and had been reminded often enough and wanted to turn it over to the company.
At that point, she wanted to give the person 1 more chance to pay and called him saying that if he did not make a settlement with her now, she would use other companies to get payment off the ground. This was enough aggression to make sure she got paid.
Instead of putting the $1,000 away in perspective, because she had other clients who did pay, she took action. That action was initially triggered by aggression.
The fight response to stress, rather than the flight or freeze response.
Hypnosis can serve you well with assertiveness by boosting your self-esteem and confidence in action. This can be done, for example, with hypnotic suggestions that you can repeat during self-hypnosis, such as:
"I stand up for my rights."
"There are people and organizations that help me stand up for my rights."
"Nonviolently standing up for your rights has a better long-term effect."
These are just examples of hypnotic suggestions, depending on your beliefs you may get other suggestions.
Another way to use hypnosis to make it easier to be assertive is to visualize being assertive. A guided visualization can provide a good initial trigger for this. A hypnotist can then say, for example:
"In the store, someone crawls ahead, but you're in a hurry, too. You notice that you are getting angry and take a few deep breaths to relax. You address the person that you were ahead of them in line and that you too are in a hurry. Just saying this makes you feel better than staying quiet. The person in front of you in line is now going to stand behind you anyway."
Truth over feeling
Everyone knows the example of the woman who asks the man if a pair of pants or a dress makes her look fat. To keep the sweet peace, many people then say no, even though this dress does make her a little fatter.
However, some men/women cannot digest lying and then tell the truth anyway which can sometimes lead to arguments.
This is just a small example, but there are situations where putting truth above feelings is important. For example, during an evaluation interview at work. If your feelings are then spared, that is a short-term gain, but in the long run you have no incentive to improve your work when needed, and in the long run that could just cost you your job. Or as a manager, saving feelings can cause your company to not run as well as it could.
Hypnosis can also help you appreciate the truth, even if it is initially a truth you would rather not hear. This can be done very well with hypnotic suggestions, such as:
"People don't want to tear you down, they want to give points of improvement," he says.
"It is better to know the truth, than to be a fool."
You can also get post-hypnotic suggestions for times when the truth is spoken. Such as during an evaluation interview.
"When you hear during the conversation that something is not going well, you stay calm and with your mind on the conversation. This allows you to take in the constructive criticism well, allowing you to create a roadmap for improving your work after the conversation. This ultimately benefits the quality of your work and your career."
Self-confidence and independence
These two traits are actually universal, but are thus still classified as masculine traits. Self-confidence is something you often need for independence. Namely, you need to be confident that you can pull your own weight.
If you have been out of work for an extended period of time, or actually want a more difficult job but don't dare, hypnosis can help you improve this self-confidence. Initially, the source of why you do not (yet) have this confidence is then identified. This can be done, for example, through a Socratic conversation. Then the why question is repeated several times. This helps to get to the core of your beliefs and it helps to find out that most beliefs are not based on anything.
Then you can build new beliefs using the techniques that have also been used with the other components of so-called masculine traits. Competitive drive, protective drive, aggression and assertiveness all have a function in this society and can all be used in a positive way. Even the truth when it is needed, even when it is less pleasant, is often meant to create something positive with it.
Want to learn more about mental techniques that will help you move forward at work and in your environment? Then come to the free online master class. Or enroll in one of our trainings.
Also pin this handy infographic:
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-debrief/201803/where-have-all-the-warriors-gone-part-2
