Giving someone something: All for yourself or yourself for someone else

A while ago I said it on Facebook favoritism must be possible. For some people, it is very difficult to grant another person something, especially something you don't have yourself. While here we all work together to make something of our lives. If no one begrudges someone else something, it will never amount to anything. So granting is very important for our success, both on your own and for the whole society

Meaning of granting someone something

When you gift someone something, it means you are okay with someone else getting something. You grant someone a new car, so you are okay with someone being able to buy (or even get) a new car.

When you don’t wish something for someone that they already have, you can also call that envy. So that’s the opposite of wishing it for them. For example, the stereotypical woman doesn’t like it when someone wears a dress that she’s wearing herself. Whereas you could actually laugh it off and be happy that you share the same style. That’s something that used to be a reason for friendships to form in childhood.

Usually, when someone “wishes” something for another person, they’re wishing them happiness or success. If you don’t wish that for someone, there’s a good chance you don’t like that person.

Especially the thought that you could have achieved this success too, but didn't can cause you to begrudge someone something. Whereas if you have already achieved that success, it is much easier to grant that other person the same success[1].

Benefits of giving something to someone

Having envy is very normal in your personal development. It helps set yourself apart from other people. You become aware of the "me" and the other. But this must be over at some point, and at some point in your life it is healthier to grant people around you something.

Indeed, when you continue to dislike other people, it can cause neurotic behavior and even psychotic behavior. For example, you can be so jealous that you are more concerned with hindering someone from achieving their goals than with achieving your own. In this way you get in the way of your own development.

So giving someone something to do ensures that you can continue to develop yourself.

Because with too much envy, you are especially afraid that someone else's success may cost you something, and then you try to keep the situation just the way it is, and thus do not try to improve the situation[2].

As an executive, it is also important to grant people something. Executives can suffer from envy when their staff is good at what they do and the executive sees this as a threat to their self-confidence. Especially when they perceive a person as "cold" instead of "warm" this is the case, this also does not benefit the leadership style which then often becomes a bit more authoritarian[3].

So, wishing someone well is better for your health, personal development, and your performance at work.

How giving someone something helps you

So, as you've read, giving someone something is good for your health and personal development. There are a number of ways in which favoring someone something actually helps you.

Grant leads to inspiration

When you wish someone happiness in their life, this can inspire you. You may have someone close to you who needs to work their way up from a very deep valley and suddenly reach to great heights, higher than where you are at the time.

Especially that moment when someone passes you by, favoritism can turn into envy. By continuing to favor instead, you can be inspired by the other person. You can also think "it is possible to develop yourself and figure out how to lead a successful life and work towards that step by step".

This can inspire you to take steps of your own.

Grant shows that it can be done

Granting someone their success and helping them achieve that success also shows that that success is attainable. If that other person can achieve it, it does not mean that you have lost.

On the contrary.

This means you can see the path you can take to win too and where that can take you.

Grant provides grant

Do you know why friendships work so well? Because you’re willing to do things for your friends, and your friends are willing to do things for you. You probably don’t even remember when it all started or who owes whom what. You just know that you’re there for each other.

Giving someone something, and being happy for the other person, makes people give you something too. Then, if you ever need help, you are more likely to get it.

Giving someone something makes other people give you something too.

Hypnosis helps to grant more

Not liking other people something can be a pattern in your life. You are easily jealous, and when someone has it better than you or wins something, it can feel like losing. As a result, as researchers point out, you may be preoccupied with at least playing a draw rather than playing your own game and winning.

Hypnosis helps you break this pattern. The most commonly used technique in hypnosis is regression. Through hypnosis, you go back to the moment when you decided that it’s not right for others to have something you don’t have, and that it’s better not to let others have it.

Then you are going to do something with that moment to change that "rule of life" to one in which you may actually grant others success, because in doing so, you also grant yourself success. What it is that you are going to do with that moment is different for everyone, because everyone lives their own life and can get these kinds of beliefs at their own moments.

This alone can do an awful lot to make it easier to grant other people something.

Influencing beliefs with suggestions

In addition, the hypnotic state also helps you more easily accept the suggestions given by the hypnosis expert and internalize them as beliefs[4]. Repeating these kinds of suggestions aloud while under hypnosis can help them penetrate even deeper into your mind.

These may then include suggestions such as:

"I like it when someone is successful," he said.

"I get inspired when something nice happens to someone close to me."

"Success of another shows me how high to top can reach."

"I like to help people achieve their goals when I can," he said.

"I stop thwarting other people."

These are just examples, depending on the beliefs you have about granting someone something, the hypnosis expert may choose to give you different beliefs.

In addition, you can also receive hypnotic suggestions along on mp3 to listen to at home during self-hypnosis. This can enhance the effects and it also allows you to retain the effects longer[5]. Especially if stress causes you to fall into unhealthy patterns quickly.

Visualizing how to grant someone something

Do you find it difficult to grant someone something when something good happens to them, and have a hard time imagining how to react or think when that happens? That too is something hypnosis can help with. In fact, hypnosis can make use of guided visualizations.

In that visualization, you then imagine yourself holding just positive thoughts. That smile you can put on your face and be genuinely happy for the other person.

A guided visualization also often ends with a post-hypnotic suggestion. For example, this can be a suggestion such as:

"From this moment on, when someone around you achieves a success you become happy about it and congratulate that person on what they have accomplished," said Dr. K. K., who is a member of the community.

A post-hypnotic suggestion affects the behavior you have after hypnosis. This is also often used for smoking cessation, but so can be used for many other behaviors you want to change[6]. Such as changing envy to favoritism.

Would you like to use hypnosis yourself to empower yourself or empower others? Come to the free online master class on hypnosis for an introduction.

Would you like to learn much more than just hypnosis right away? Would you also like to learn techniques that help both yourself and others? Then come to a seminar or sign up for one of the courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands. Ask about the online options if that suits you better.

Also pin this handy infographic as a reminder:

Sources:

[1] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-9450.00041

[2] http://pepsic.bvsalud.org/scielo.php?pid=S0103-08252019000100004&script=sci_abstract&tlng=en

[3] https://journals.aom.org/doi/abs/10.5465/amj.2015.0183

[4] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.2014.976783

[5] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.2018.1456896

[6] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0028393217300064