Hug or Cuddle?

Two strategies that work. Cuddling works and so does bludgeoning. However, the results are very different and sometimes the same.

Some people just need a bat. You have to pound those hard for something to happen. Not necessarily literally (although...), but verbally. That's also what friends do to you. Real friends.

These warn you, but if you really fly off the handle you'll get the proverbial cudgel. And rightly so. A little ouch, but afterwards you'll be super grateful to those people for knocking out that plate in front of your head.

Others, in turn, need more of a hug. Those already get roughed up enough in their lives, and they heal through gentleness and hugs.

The big question is who gets and needs what and when?

• Can you only cuddle then you won't make it
• If you can only bludgeon then you won't make it either

The mix is important. In therapy land, you often see the patchwork idea. Let's just not treat these people too violently, because they are already struggling so much.

Sometimes they do, most of the time they don't. Usually those people need a cudgel. Loving of course, but just making it clear that you really have to do it all yourself anyway.

Yes that may come on and about violently, but is better than those gentle healers ... You know the ones.

It often starts with labeling.

You have a disorder or depression or something else that you obviously can't do much about. You're fine with that, but when they tell you it's a thing (which it isn't, because you can't grip it) that you can't get rid of (right, because it's not a thing...) then suddenly you have a problem.

They make you suddenly become a victim of "something. And preferably something that doesn't exist as a thing. You do it yourself.

Yes, that takes some bludgeoning, but just as your friends want you to really come out on top, so do people who bludgeon you that way.

You don't have anything at all! You do it yourself dear human being, so you can go do something else too