How do you help an alcoholic?

December 31, 2016

Alcoholism is a problem that does not only plague the addict himself. Even as a family member or close friend, you can suffer greatly at the hands of an alcoholic. Having normal connecting conversations suddenly becomes a lot harder. You may be lied to and stolen from. The trust you once had in your partner, friend or child may then be completely shattered resulting in emotional chaos.

There are ways to help an alcoholic or at least improve coping. That's why in this article I discuss alcoholism and what you can do as a bystander.

The journey with an alcoholic can start out very fun. You have a connection, you're having a good time and a beer or wine may be included. Nothing to worry about! After all, everyone drinks from time to time.

Then, over time, you may notice that he/she cannot do without the drink. For example, a suggestion for detox is ignored. Saying after the ^20th beer that it might be enough now gets a "sissy" response.

Upon visiting, you may notice that there are an awful lot of empty wine, beer or liquor bottles in the trash.

After an overnight stay, you suddenly find that the first drink is consumed during lunch. Or even during breakfast "to get rid of the hangover."

Over time, you will be asked for money for "shopping" or perhaps items will disappear from your home if he/she has been with you.

A confrontation with the behavior ends in an argument, because apparently you are imagining all sorts of things. Gradually the relationship sours, despite the emotional connection you still feel and despite the fact that you actually do want to go through fire for the addict.

Characteristics alcoholism

Before you know for sure if someone is an alcoholic, it is helpful to know the characteristics of alcoholism( 1).

An alcoholic ...

Has problems getting to work on time or being present at all.
Also drinks at risky times, such as while driving.
Has memory problems after drinking.
Being stopped by police for drunk driving or other problems.
Hurt themselves or others while drinking, by tripping or by violence.
Continues to drink even if it is a health concern, such as after pancreatitis or with liver problems.
Purchases alcohol in multiple stores.

Recognizing a drinking problem

Recognizing a drinking problem can be done with several indicators, for example:

You're worried about how much someone drinks.
The other person may have a lot more booze than you do.
The person hides liquor, you catch him/her with liquor in strange places.
The alcoholic is more irritable than before.
He/she does not go to places where there is no drinking.

Dealing with an alcoholic

Living with someone who has alcohol problems can be very difficult. It’s also problematic for you. To deal healthily with an alcoholic, you must first acknowledge and realize a number of things for yourself.

Admit to yourself that you are living with an alcoholic and that this is a problem.
Look at the behavior and symptoms of alcoholism and admit that it is because of the drink and not something else. (No he/she does not have a balance disorder.)
Recognize that the alcoholic's behavior is destructive, to himself and to you.
Don't blame yourself for the alcohol problem. It's really up to the alcoholic himself.
Don't throw away the liquor bottles and pretend it was never there.
Recognize that there is nothing you can do to solve the problem, nor is it a character flaw of the alcoholic himself.

After you recognize these things, there are other things you can do to help yourself and the alcoholic.

For example, you can talk to peers about the problems you are experiencing. By talking with other people dealing with an alcoholic, you can see that you are not the only one, and you can get inspiration on how to best help the alcoholic.

Stop enabling alcoholism

One way to help yourself in the short term, for example, is to give the alcoholic what he wants so you can get on with your day. In the long run, however, this is neither good for you nor good for the alcoholic. Therefore, there are some things you should especially not do. By doing so, you stop enabling the alcoholic to continue drinking uninterrupted.

Stop making excuses for alcoholism.
Do not take over any responsibilities from the alcoholic. For example, he/she really needs to do the housework himself/herself.
Don't help the alcoholic hide the addiction.
Don't give the alcoholic a drink.
Don't drink with the alcoholic.
Don't argue with the addict when he/she has been drinking.
Don't get caught up in the alcoholic's problems.

For example, if he/she is stopped by the police, that is his/her problem and you don't have to solve it. For example, don't pick him/her up from the station (immediately). Let the drink driver spend some time at the police station to reflect on his/her sins.

Getting help yourself if you live with an alcoholic

For you, living with someone who struggles with alcoholism is also difficult. It can undermine your self-confidence and cause other problems. That’s why it’s wise to talk to a therapist or take steps on your own to stay true to yourself.

Talking with peers can also be a great help in staying stable themselves.

Beverage problem solving

Solving a drinking problem is ultimately something an addict must do on their own, but they can certainly use help with this.

I, too, have struggled with addiction and found hypnotherapy to be very helpful in overcoming it. This inspired me to help others, and now I also train others to become hypnotherapists.

There are multiple treatments for a drinking problem, but the commonality of most treatments is to find and solve the cause of the problem.

There are usually two ways to identify the root cause. For example, one might examine a person’s beliefs or their memories.

This can be done, for example, with cognitive behavioral therapy. The thoughts and how you think about certain things have a lot of influence on your behavior. With cognitive behavioral therapy, thoughts are identified and influenced. This can also be done while you are under hypnosis. In fact, 9 times out of 10 the therapy works even better then.

Another way to identify the problem is through regression therapy. While under hypnosis, you explore which event in your life led to the current problem. This can lead to surprising insights and is already a major step toward resolving the problem.

One approach to hypnotherapy for alcohol addiction—or any addiction, for that matter—is to make the object of your addiction repulsive. This worked very well for me when I was trying to quit certain drugs.

Repulsion, for example, is done with hypnotic suggestions. While you are under hypnosis you are more open to other ideas and therefore you can gain new beliefs that make liquor repulsive or make using something substitute easier.

Such suggestions may include:

If you've been drinking booze it tastes like grass.
Drinks taste like thick drippy filth from now on.
If you feel like drinking, grab a glass of water instead.
This glass of water is wonderfully refreshing and takes care of your body.

Helping someone in rehab from alcohol

Unfortunately, quitting alcohol is also something dangerous because you are physically dependent on it. Therefore, withdrawal is usually done under supervision. Therefore, talk to a doctor first. They can tell you whether you can kick the habit at home or should be hospitalized.

You can help someone in rehab in the following ways.

Keep out people who are a bad influence on the addict (soon to be ex-addict). During rehab, it is very attractive to start drinking. Having people in the house to remind him/her of this makes it all the more difficult not to drink.

Get nutrition that helps support the body in recovery. Such as herbs, vitamins and minerals.

Stay with the person in rehab for at least 2 days. If you feel you need to stay longer due to emotional need you can always do so.

Withdrawal is an intense roller coaster of emotions, including anxiety, depressive symptoms (such as thinking “this will never get better”), nervousness, irritation, nightmares, mood swings, and difficulty thinking clearly. Support the person through these phases.

Monitor the (soon-to-be ex) addict for physical symptoms, such as lack of appetite, tremors, sweating, vomiting, spastic movements and other symptoms. If you don't trust it, you can call a doctor.

Also remind yourself to stay with the person during the withdrawal process. You are his/her handhold at that time. There will be times when doubt strikes and the temptation to drink is strong. Then remind him/her that everything that happens is because of rehab.

Also encourage him or her to keep going by highlighting the positive aspects of recovery, such as improving a relationship. Having money left over for weekend getaways or doing fun things down the road. No more headaches. Being able to buy a nice house or a fancy car with the money that’s currently being wasted on alcohol ( 2).

Would you like to learn more about helping others—or yourself—through mental techniques? Then join the free online masterclass on hypnosis.

Or.

So check out the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands courses or come to a seminar.

Also pin this handy infographic:

Sources: