Generational Development

In this blog, I am not talking about personal development, but generational development.

A while ago, I ran into an old acquaintance. We knew each other from the old days when we both had very different lives than we have now. We were both in the shit. We almost got ourselves killed with all the drugs we were using. That didn't happen, thank God for that, but we did go to a lot of parties until late in the morning. And sometimes we really went on nights in a row. The funny thing is that now we both have completely different lives. He now works in online marketing, which is also one of my passions. I find it super fascinating how that works with the Internet and how many opportunities there are. I love that. So we were talking about that the other day and suddenly he started talking about his 19-year-old son. There was something about his son that was different, he said. He suddenly wanted out, he was often angry and gloomy. Of course it wasn't bad at all that he wants out, because the boy is 19 so that's normal, but it was especially that gloomy and angry thing that struck him.

History repeats itself

I asked him, "How come all of a sudden?

He said, "You know, Ed? When I was 19 when actually all the misery in my life started. I had a girlfriend who was first with my best friend. Of course, that's already not a very convenient move. She later went back to that friend, we got into a fight ... It broke my heart and I seriously was on the verge of killing myself ... After that I sank into a huge depression and then I met you and you know what all happened then.'

I said, "Yes indeed, the dispensary was open...

So he did that to really suppress those things and we unconsciously found each other in that. I didn't really know it from him that it was so intense. He said:

'I see the same thing happening to my son now. As if history is repeating itself! His ex is now with his best friend, who has a car. That friend of mine also had a car. That period there was someone at my school who had hung himself, guess what, at his school too, man, last week. And the most bizarre thing: Do I give a webinar (last week) what do you think, is the girl I was with when I was 19 who was online on the webinar! She's a woman now of course but I was shocked! And then all of a sudden I saw it in front of me. I'm passing on my history, so it seems man, is that possible?" -he asked me.

I said, "Yeah, man, if you don't solve that now then you pass it on to your son. And then you know pretty much what's going to happen to him.'

He said, "Fack man, I also just feel that pain again from before!

I said, "We're going to fix it.

Back to top

We went all the way back to the very first moment the problem arose, and I helped him release and resolve that trauma. He resolved that pain and let it go. He then called me the next day and said to me, “Guess what? My son came up to me and put his arms around me. He looked at me and said he actually thinks I’m a cool guy. — He’s never done that before, man…” And he burst into tears, and so did I.

Change is something you do not only for yourself, but also for the generations before and after. If you want to know if you too have something to work on, take a look at your children and if you find that they have problems then chances are very high that the problems are coming from you.

With me it all comes from my wife of course, but you get that. With you too, of course... ;-) But - maybe not.

Check with yourself

So take a moment to reflect on this. Before you send your children to fear-of-failure training programs, give them pills, or try all sorts of things to make them feel better. That might just be treating the symptoms. And I think—actually, I’m pretty sure—that if you resolve that old pain, frustration, anger, and sadness, you’ll resolve it for your whole family. Especially for your children, but also retroactively for your parents. And that’s so important. Most people are completely unaware of this. Seriously, they aren’t.

They look at their children and they say those children who do so....

But those kids who do YOU!

That's very confronting, because we don't really want to know that at all. Neither do I. It's much easier to shrug it off. They do it. It's their responsibility. Is that really the case, or is it just your responsibility?

Everything is passed on

And once again, no one can do anything about it in terms of blame. It’s no one’s fault. It’s not the fault of that friend of mine who started feeling that way. Maybe that came from his father, which is actually the case. Maybe his father got it from his grandfather, and maybe even further back. I have no idea. I do know that it has now been resolved retroactively for the father as well, and for the grandfather and the great-grandfather—the entire lineage. That’s so powerful. It fascinates me immensely. How everything gets passed down. Good things, mindsets, rules, ideas about relationships, ideas about life. How you interact with people and the world.

When I look at my son, he is very calm in class just like I used to be and when he has to present something he changes too. Then he is just like me! The entertainer, the comedian, the inspirer comes out then.

My son does me. If you're aware of that, and you look around you, and you relate it more to yourself by saying, Hey wait a minute. This is what I do. And then when you resolve it then really wonderful things happen.

Your children do you.

This is so powerful and valuable. It is essential. When you realize this with a few other principles, you create a completely different way of thinking, of being and of doing. Then there are no more excuses. And that is difficult for most people. Including myself. I also like having excuses because it's easier. In the short term, that is. Not in the long run. I used to be like that. For me, this whole insight used to be very confronting. And maybe for you, too.

You pass everything on. Your children do you.

I hope you get some great insights from this and that it doesn't make you sad. It's no one's fault, that's not the point. It's an opportunity to heal something, transform something, address something that really helps the next and previous generations that they don't have to deal with that anymore. It is no longer personal development but generational development.

It's not personal. It may seem that way, but it works through. And more than you think.

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