Fear of children can have multiple meanings. For example, you are afraid of having children or being around children. In particular, it involves fear of babies and young children. This fear is also called pedophobia. If you suffer from this fear, you may experience panic when young children are near you or when you have to have a conversation with them.
To make sure you can also just be who you are when there are children around, in this blog I will discuss fear of children and what you can do about it.
Anxiety for children
If you suffer from fear of children, you get very anxious feelings when you are around children and especially if you also have to do something with them, such as talk.
This fear is irrational because children are not a threat to adults.
However, children's behavior can trigger this fear of children. However, this fear can also masquerade as annoyance with children.
Triggers of anxiety
Sounds that children make often trigger childhood anxiety. A crying baby on the plane, children playing or worse, children running in the restaurant. In themselves very normal things to find annoying from time to time, but if you really make an issue of this or still feel a bit anxious because of those circumstances, this is a clear sign of fear of children.
If you have a fear of children you generally avoid places where children go, such as playgrounds, and like to go to places that are for adults only.
Cause of pedophobia
A childhood trauma can cause you to have developed fear of children, or rather fear in children. A friend of mine recently told me about a story she had read of a woman who almost choked on an Easter egg in her childhood. Now as an adult she worries every time children eat something small, talking and laughing in the process, because that was what she was doing at the time.
Another cause may be that you used to be bullied as a child, which makes you see children as mean and vicious.
A child then actually causes unpleasant memories to surface that you would rather forget.
A difficult childhood can also cause you to suffer from anxious or other feelings when you are around children. For example, you may envy children who are well cared for and have loving parents when you haven't had that experience.
Fear of children, therefore, can actually even be the fear of remembering an unpleasant time in your childhood.
Symptoms of childhood anxiety
If you suffer from childhood anxiety, it can be identified by the following:
- You'd rather not give babies the bottle.
- You'd rather not hold babies.
- You feel panicky around children.
- You won't be babysitting children.
- You don't play with children.
- You find children incomprehensible.
What to do about childhood anxiety
If you recognize yourself in this fear of children, you may still feel called to do something about it. Children do happen in life, even if you don't have them. Your friends may have children at some point and you don't want to be known as the nasty uncle or aunt.
Find out the cause of your fear of children
To ensure that you can overcome that fear, the first step is to find out where the fear is coming from. Has it been a trauma or other unpleasant childhood experience?
If you can't find a clear answer to this, a hypnotherapist can help you with regression therapy or an in-depth questioning about the beliefs you have and where they come from.
You can then take steps to process this trauma to still suffer less. Trauma processing is often done with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Hypnosis can enhance this form of therapy, allowing you to experience its effects more quickly.
Confronting fear
In addition, you can take advantage of fear confrontation. This is also where a hypnotherapist can help you. You will also learn calming techniques that will keep you from linking past memories to children you are dealing with today.
Step by step, you are then confronted with your fear from least bad, to worst, and each time you are given calming techniques to tone down that fear, until it doesn't bother you at all.
Use mindfulness to stay in the here and now with your attention
Mindfulness is one of the best ways to create memories and to stay right mentally in the here and now. This prevents unpleasant childhood memories from triggering anxiety, and allows you to actually enjoy time with nephews, nieces or even your own child.
Fear of having children
This brings me right to the second version of fear of children. Namely, fear of having children of one's own. Children are cute, but so is a kitten. Fear of children is often combined with fear of having your own children.
In addition to the fear of children, you can then also have the fear of responsibility . How are you supposed to raise a child if you don't even understand children?
Especially as you get older, the expectation that you will have children may be voiced by those around you.
Also, surely your instincts can indicate very clearly that you want to procreate and yet it is a shame that a certain DNA line will end with you.
In that case, you can also use the following tips to get over these types of fears.
Tip 1: Use self-hypnosis to strengthen beliefs
Self-hypnosis can help you boost self-confidence in being able to perform responsibilities. In this case, go somewhere in the house to relax and first focus on your breathing. Then you can repeat hypnotic suggestions given to you by a hypnotherapist. These might include:
I can give love to my child.
I have enough knowledge of life to prepare my child for it.
My child will not have the same childhood as me.
I am here for my child.
These suggestions are just examples; they don't necessarily apply to your situation.
Tip 2: Visualize how you do cope with a child
To improve your confidence in carefree interactions with children, you can use visualizations. People often need to first see themselves doing something in front of them to have confidence that they can do it in order to actually do it.
So this is also a great technique if you want to do something totally different for the first time and suffer from fear of failure.
You can perform visualizations like this yourself during self-hypnosis. As with repeating hypnotic suggestions, you begin by relaxing your body and focusing on your breathing. You close your eyes and visualize the following things in a positive way:
- How to feel when talking to a child.
- What kind of facial expression you have.
- How the child responds to you.
- How to feel about the child.
- What the environment you are in with the child looks like.
If you find it difficult to perform these types of visualizations yourself, a hypnotherapist can also help you with a guided visualization that fits your beliefs and fear of children.
Tip 3: Meet with someone who has a child
Fear of having a child can also be reduced by talking to people who have children. For example, I recently spoke with a young mother who actually found that motherhood has not changed her life at all as much as she expected.
Of course, not every child is the same, but experiences like this can show you that it's not always as exciting as it seems.
Tip 4: Join a family outing with a close friend or family members
Another way to get used to children, and to practice mindfulness and other techniques to overcome your anxiety, is to join a family outing. An afternoon at the zoo can already show you that there is nothing to be afraid of.
Should the "confrontation" with children not help you get over your fear of having a child of your own. Then remember that you often feel much more love and protective fervor for your own child than for someone else's child. That's an emotion that you don't actually get to know until you take that leap of faith.
Want to learn more about mental techniques to better manage anxiety? Then come to the free online master class on hypnosis.
In addition, you can also View the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training courses.
